Does my crush still think I'm stalking him?

[Anonymous]

I know he thought I was stalking him at school. I wasn't, but it doesn't matter cuz he believes that.

I recently contacted his friend. I was nice but I could tell he thought it was weird. I ended the convo.

Now out of nowhere suddenly my crush who was active on instagram showing partying pics made his profile private. I know it's weird but I feel like it's partly because he thinks I'm back to liking him.

[IvySilva]

Why did you contact his friend? He probably thinks you're stalking him. And you probably are since you know he's profile is private now. I'm a stalker myself lmao just find somebody new to stalk

[Asker]

I didn't think they were close. Plus I do know his friend at least a little I didn't think I was doing anything wrong by contacting him.

However I thought about it and was like his friend is definitely the kind of guy who would go and tell him.

You know why would he care if I'm stalking his instagram I don't get it? He's a popular guy loads of friends got all kinds of photos/videos up there.

Why prioritize me to the extent that whether I am or am not stalking him makes a difference to him

[Sametheon]

Because of the logical impossibility of proving a negative, all I can say is, good luck with that.

[Asker]

What do you mean by that?

I did consider I'm being a little paranoid. You know when you have a gut instinct about something and your face gets a little flushed if you think someone's being rude, I sort of got that kind of feeling.

So yeah. Logically I know it could've been anything. Maybe he was embarrassed by his pictures.

But I can't help but feel it was a little personal. Like I've been out of the loop but if I'm still contacting his friend means I haven't forgotten about their little group and hence in his eyes I'm back to being obsessed

[Sametheon]

I mean that it's impossible to prove you weren't stalking him. It is physically impossible to do so, because you can never prove a negative. There's no logical way to do it.

[Sametheon]

The situation still sucks, though.

[Asker]

Exactly. No way of proving him wrong and if anything based on my actions I wouldn't be surprised if he believed I was.

I was super sensitive about it thinking what must he think, people think etc. But I got over it over time, enough for me to feel comfortable contacting his friend without thinking it would get back to him. I was being nice and polite but his friend was distant.

So I ended the convo abruptly which made it likely more suspicious as to why I contacted him.

I did wonder what my crush was up to and saw him very active on instagram uploading interesting videos and clearly partying his head off. Then suddenly out of nowhere he privatizes it, it was so weird.

Since you agree the situation sucks, what do you think? He still thinks I'm stalking him? I'm not even an instagram user, nor have I this guy on facebook but this boy is sly. One step ahead of others kind of guy

[Sametheon]

Your next step should depend STRONGLY on whether or not he's in a relationship or not. Is he?

[Asker]

His friend or his crush? Neither are in a relationship but it's my crush I actually like. Or at least used to.

Out of curiosity, is it plausible that he thinks I'm stalking him? Hence the instagram cover-up? It's just weird because of the timing and because it's out of nowhere

[Sametheon]

I was referencing your crush's freind, but, regardless, if you don't like your crush anymore, it doesn't really matter anyway. I think it's a possibility, but on the other hand I could think of plenty of reason to make his account private if it was all party pictures and stuff. Maybe he was applying for a job, and didn't want them to see it. Maybe his grandma just got an instagram. The timing certainly is odd, though. I'm going to have to put it as... he doesn't think you're stalking him, but thinks your activity is a bit odd.

[dreamer33]

You know what got my crush to think I was stalking him to begin with?

I enrolled in a course at school. Yeah I knew he was in it. I wanted him in my group too. But I saw it more of it's a highlight he's in my class rather than I spent 700 bucks to be in a class with my crush. If anything I was thinking of dropping it.

And I did drop it, but unfortunately not before he did this really big show of walking out of class (I'm not kidding, all I did was look at the board and his head was in the way, he turned around, looked annoyed, grabbed his stuff shoving it into his bag and walked out of class).

I could see how me dropping it would then make him thing aha she dropped it because I was a jerk but whatever man. I'm not going to risk getting a bad grade.

Anyways, I forgot about all of this and contacted his friend genuinely being polite. Plus I thought even his friend had heard of this stuff from my crush he'd think it's nonsense and dismiss it.

[dreamer33]

However I am starting to wonder if his friend is really not the clever guy I thought he was.

This, coupled with my crush making his instagram private is weird. Especially since there were all these pictures of him partying and I thought oh that's cool he's having fun good for him.

I'm not even sure I really care. If they're going to believe something that is not true that's their problem. But for some reason the more I think my crush/ex-crush whichever thinks I am stalking him or is being defiant, the more I actually DO think of him.

Which does make me wonder if that's what he wants.

Hey I'm an odd person. Maybe I should start looking for new friends who don't make me feel as though I'm doing something wrong when all I did was try and be friendly

[Sametheon]

@dreamer33 Either he's being sly and likes you back, or he thinks you're REALLY creepy. Which means, don't mess with the situation because it's going to end badly in SOME way, especially considering the first option. If the first option was the case, and he was willing to do THAT to get you to think about him, then you might not want to be with him. If it's option number 2, obviously there's also not point in pursuing.

[dreamer33]

If he liked me back, wouldn't he just... say something by now? Plus what I don't get is, he's a popular guy with a lot of friends. Why would he even care about the possibility that a girl might stalk him over the net? His recent pictures were him drinking like a crazy man if anything I was like... not the studious guy I thought he was.

Yeah I know what you mean about it ending badly. But what I don't understand is, today's Monday. I was done contacting his friend on Wednesday and sort of forgot about it.

My crush (ex-crush) crossed my mind and I saw all these sudden uploads of him partying over the weekend but suddenly mid-day today he made it private.

It's out of character for him to upload all those pictures for attention and then make it private.

Like I said it makes me wonder if he almost wants me to think about him by going out of his way to be defiant.

There's also a possibility that all of this has nothing to do with me.

[dreamer33]

However I'm a smart girl. I go by my instincts and they're usually correct.

And my instinct was he's sort of blocked it over to send me a message he's not interested/for me to stay away.

Does that make sense? Plus if he really does believe I was stalking him before, he might think of me as the quiet stalker kind of person who won't really be overt about her interest so he's dealing with it in the same passive-aggressiveness by not being upfront that he's not interested.

At least that's my interpretation of this whole mess/situation. What do you think?

[Sametheon]

@dreamer33 I don't even KNOW. With every post the situation gets stranger. He either hates you or thinks playing mind games is going to get him somewhere. Seeing as how my IQ is under 500, I can't say.

[dreamer33]

What do you mean the situation gets stranger?

Do you think that this whole thing is sort of eerie? Like he actually believes I'm capable of being some kind of psycho stalker. I myself got goosebumps when you said this whole situation keeps getting stranger.

I'm a nice friendly girl man I am no stalker not in the least. I'm obviously sensitive if someone else would believe that about me however.

Is it a possibility that this guy told his friends about his concerns of stalking or something? I didn't think he would. It's HIS belief or speculation he can't possibly get others to believe him?

Especially not his friend who knows me on his own accord.

I wonder if it's even possible to hate someone you've never actually talked to or even gotten to know. I don't hate him. I don't know him lol he is just another peer of mine at school.

[Sametheon]

@dreamer33 That's what I meant by it getting stranger. With each post, you continuously add more backstory to the situation, and it continously grows more odd. How would he know you had dropped the class had he not known you and checked to see if you stayed? How would he know you contacted his friend, seemingly on a whim, without asking? Especially considering you already knew him, but as far as he knew, not your crush at the time. Seems a bit... curious, to say in the least.

[dreamer33]

He knew me for sure. The first time I walked into class, his reaction was to cover his head with his arms, and then later on he kept blinking his eyes a lot he was embarrassed. That's what caused me to think he might like me. He seemed very aware of my presence (I was sitting behind him).

But the next class when I mentioned through email to the class I was looking for a group, he changed and started being rude. Talking loudly to the prof about how he'd prefer being in a small grou petc. I got the message.

I just thought after the whole thing was over he assumed I was so into him or something like that so he wanted to stay away.

But I do think you're right. Why is he almost making it more obvious about his perspective that I'm stalking him by his behaviour? Why is he telling friends about this.

When I was at a dance he was there too, and the moment he saw me he turned his head away in an exaggerated gesture smiling.

[Sametheon]

@dreamer33 I thought it was strange before that post, but holy HELL is he an enigma. Especially that smiling and turning away bit.

[dreamer33]

The whole dance he was acting weird, crossing my table multiple times. Sometimes I saw him looking at me from afar like he was thinking something.

I left early. The next time I saw him in class was when he did that whole walk-out thing (so immature by the way we're in University he needs to grow up).

His friend's a big mouth I wouldn't put it past him to tell him, but the question is: who brought up the topic to his friend that I know my crush. My crush likely did.

Also these videos of him on instagram are of him going wild. They're crazy videos of him drinking like a madman. What girl would even want to like him after seeing that.

You know I can think of two possibilities: this guy actually wants me to like him. I mean he sort of is creeped out by me or something but he also likes the attention and doesn't want me to stop liking him. So he tells himself he's doing something to protect himself but really it's a way to get me to think of him at the same time.

[dreamer33]

The other is all this has nothing to do with me and I'm just overthinking. He might have just been embarrassed that people are watching him drink like that when he should be studying and want to save face.

Still like you said the timing is very odd.

[Sametheon]

@dreamer33 He clearly feels SOMETHING towards you, whether or not it's amused apathy, curiosity, or genuine affection. If it's the last one, he certainly has an odd way of showing affection.

[dreamer33]

If it was amused apathy, he'd be smirking a lot more, right? Like he knows something about me. But it does explain why he's being rude I mean aren't guys usually rude to girls who they think like them but they don't like?

Doesn't it almost look though through his actions like he's encouraging the crush? That dance was off of school so I thought maybe he thinks since it's not related to school it's okay to let loose and show some interest because it's not like she's following me to the dance she came because she wanted to (he saw me with my friends).

I think it's the way he looks at me sometimes, just sort of looks at me without looking away it's not a look of attraction it's a look like he's thinking something about me and he knows something about me.

I know there's some curiosity there which there may not be if he just flat out hated me. It's all very complex.

[dreamer33]

Could it be that this instagram thing might not have something to do with me? I haven't seen him since around June so I thought this topic is over.

But me contacting his friend, if his friend did bring it up in a topic of conversation to the guy might have made him think it's not over at least on my end.

Although I'm not even sure that his friend would tell him, because aren't guys usually secretive about which girls they talk to? What incentive would his friend have of telling him anything.

[Sametheon]

@dreamer33 The Instagram thing, with timing like that, is almost certainly related to you. As for guys not saying which girls they talk with, that's true at least for me. I'm not sure with other guys, though.

[dreamer33]

Is it really? I mean his instagram has like 700 followers or something.

I don't have an instagram account. I am not his friend on facebook.

How did he even think that I would stalk his instagram and that he should close it off? And even if he did think that, isn't that giving me too much importance?

I don't understand he has this whole life of friends etc. that he should enjoy why is he giving me so much importance?

His recent instagram ahem videos/pictures: one of them was him drinking beer with two hands like a crazy guy the other was of his friends um... doing something unmentionable with another woman's chest.

It almost made me wonder if he's embarrassed of those things and may not want another person (maybe me) to think he's a bad guy or something because I didn't like drinking. I left early at the party because of that.

But I have trouble believing that. My gut instinct was he blocked it so I can't stalk him. Which is a little hurtful. I'm just a nice girl lol :(

[Sametheon]

@dreamer33 Sounds pretty awful. Next time you stalk somebody, just find some random website they use and make an account, giving them advice and generally trying to gain their trust before revealing your true identity. Make sure it's a site that not a ton of people know about so they don't suspect you are the stalker. Learn more about their personal life and comfort them about the fact that it's the other persons fault, which, it is in this case. When they finally begin to follow your advice, swoop in for the kill.

Haha, jk. 😑

[dreamer33]

So I read your post and thought... are you making a joke about you stalking me and blaming that other guy so you can make a move on me? Of course that's not what you were saying but that's what I thought you meant by the post lol. Please clarify the joke :)

No but seriously lol, is this instagram thing really related to me? Did he block it to send a message he wants me to go away or because he didn't want me seeing him be a really player kind of guy?

I was surprised but also very amused that he had those pictures up shows a fun side to him. I like fun people (even though I don't drink/am not into players). I was like all good for him.

So I was just confused as to why he's complicating things or if he's gone mad. Or if it's unrelated to me

[Sametheon]

@dreamer33 That was the joke, yes. But I do think the Instagram thing was related to you. The timing was WAY too convenient to have really been otherwise. Coupled with how he acts around you, it's safe to say he thinks highly of you, or is at the very least curious about you.

[dreamer33]

See, I told you I was smart! Got that out of the blue joke right didn't I? :)

Yeah that's what I think too the only thing is, this is all on the assumption that his friend told him. It was a private message over facebook. And it's exam time. When would my crush even see his friend and even if he did, are they really that close that they'd bring me up?

Also from what I've noticed, his friend seems to like him but I think my crush is jealous of him. His friend is tall, better in school, athletic etc. If his friend knows, he will be cautious about what he tells him.

That's another thing I'm always confused about: does he think highly of me/look up to me, or does he hate me think I'm some weird stalker girl or something.

I mean he's not a stupid guy straight A student. He knows if a girl saw you made it private her first thought would be this guy hates me and wants me to stay away.

Why would he push away the girl he looks up to? Especially when she's being nice for a change

[Sametheon]

@dreamer33 To gain her attention. You're thinking about him, aren't you? I mean, it's a pretty shit idea, but I suppose he ran out of good ones. His friend having a crush on him adds a whole new damn dimension to the situation. I mean, wow. Erm, I've really got nothing. Maybe his friend wanted to make you look like a stalker, so they embellished the truth and made you sound like a stalker? They might be jealous of your joke-understanding skills. Regardless, that might have influenced your ex crush with making his Instagram private. The puzzle pieces are starting to fit together here.

[dreamer33]

No no I meant his friend likes him as a friend. As in, as a person. Not romantically lol.

[Sametheon]

@dreamer33 Well, shit. Back to the drawing board. I've got jack shit, to be honest. I say, forget about the thing and get out of the situation as much as possible. Pretend he doesn't stare at you. Ignore his weird ass gestures and facial expressions as best as you can. He'll fuck off soon enough when he sees you aren't interested.

[dreamer33]

But why does he want me to think of him? When I was actually in his class, and wanted to be his friend/in his group he was nothing but rude lol why does he even want me to think of him now?

I know you're saying it to be funny about them being jealous of my joke-understanding skills but I've often wondered if people are bitter towards me for being the way I am. I messaged his friend politely. It's who I am. I was good to him with smileys and all even though I knew his friend was full of shit.

I thought his friend liked me I was wrong. If he had, he would've been nice and he wasn't.

So I accepted it, wished him well on his exams and moved on. Sometimes I feel as though it's just hard for someone like my crush who from what I've seen of him overthinks, is very conscious about how he appears like to other people, to understand how a girl can be so naturally uninterested in all things related to people.

[dreamer33]

How are the puzzle pieces starting to fit together? Given the clarification that my crush's friend likes him as a friend only nothing more, would you still say that?

[dreamer33]

Do you still say this instagram thing was related to me? I haven't seen him since June so I forgot about him but now this instagram thing is making me think of him sigh.

I am mad and want to send out the message I'm not interested. But at the same time I just don't understand why he wants to hurt me like that. Even when he walked out of class that day I was hurt because I was like hell what did I do? Seriously.

I always wanted to be his friend because I thought he was cute and respected him for being a good student. Thought he was adorable.

Now I'm not so sure.

[Sametheon]

@dreamer33 The pieces were fitting together back when I thought you meant that his friend liked him romantically. Now, of course, they're vomited on the ground and scattered around. If his Instagram is still private after a bit more time, that means that he's either forgotten about it, which is very unlikely, or that he did it for other reasons.

[dreamer33]

Part of the reason I wanted to be in his group was yeah because I wanted to be his friend but also because he was smart. It never fails to surprise me how instead of showing the world how much potential he has, he chooses to behave like this.

He can think whatever he wants of me: stalker, no stalker it doesn't change the fact that I didn't really stalk him or do anything wrong in the first place.

I agree with you: if it's private for a much longer period of time maybe he's got his own reasons for doing it. If it's temporary it's an attention-seeking act and nothing else.

I think for now I am just going to forget about him. Maybe I respected him at a point in time but that point is long gone. I think it's time to move on from this whole thing because I just no longer care about him anymore.

[Sametheon]

@dreamer33 Definitely the best course of action. Better than staying in the never-ending cycle of excruciating confusion that's easy to slip into. Sucks when somebody thinks you did something weird when and embarrassing when you really didn't, but trying to tell them you didn't do it only confirms that you did to them.

[dreamer33]

Did he even think I did something weird and embarrassing? You are correct I can't go up to him and say buddy I didn't stalk you, but all of his behaviour honestly... it makes me think he enjoys the attention. He would not encourage or have even looked at me at that dance if he didn't.

Even this whole instagram thing: if he didn't want me looking at his profile, blocking it is such an unbelievably dramatic thing to do it's not even funny. A sensible person would be like I am not that important in anyone's life for them to really think of me much other than casually glancinga at my profile.

Is this really embarrassing? You used that word and for some reason I don't think it is anymore. If he believes that about me, isn't that his problem? Plus if he told his friends... would they even believe it? He might even be embarrassed that he made a big deal about the whole thing but now I'm over it so it's like he was lying about the stalking thing

[Sametheon]

@dreamer33 I don't know if "embarrassed" was the best possible word, but I think it summed the situation up best. It'd be pretty embarrassing to be caught stalking somebody. He certainly did a lot of overly dramatic stuff, so I wouldn't really put making his account private past him. Still, wait the time before assuming anything. And probably loves the attention, but enough to make his account private to keep him on your mind? Maybe. Doubt you'll ever find out.

[dreamer33]

But I wasn't caught stalking his instagram so he can't know for sure.

I think this is what may have happened: after I disappeared for a while, he probably entertained the idea that maybe I wasn't stalking him.

However I contacted his friend while I was travelling. That's weird. It may have made me look like she's travelling and she's still thinking about all of this?

But I was gracious and nice to his friend and forgot. So if my crush really did find out he's sort of like yeah she's thinking about it but she's also sort of not thinking about it.

He uploads all these made pictures of him having fun almost to show he can have fun, then regrets it because it also makes him look like he's not studying, then gets confused so instead of taking it down he just makes it private.

And he tells himself it's so that she can keep a distance but secretly he likes the attention.

[dreamer33]

There is also a small possibility that he really really hates me and thinks I'm a completely weird stalker girl and is trying to protect himself.

Could be true. But I still think a small part of him likes the attention and is insecure.

I don't understand because I'm likely never going to see this guy again school is done, so what is the point of all of this? Maybe like you said to keep me thinking about him in any way he can.