Why is he nice to me one day and ignores me the next?

[Anonymous]

I really like this guy and I have noticed that he often looks or stares at me when he doesn't think that I notice, but as soon as I look up he looks away. He was actually a professor of mine (not anymore) and is very young - about 5 years older than me. There were a number of times when he would look directly into my eyes with that "look", not in a sleazy way or anything, but I could tell that he saw me differently than other students. He has also gone out of his way to make me laugh and seemed really anxious to know that I thought he was funny.

While he would often act like that and always seemed happy to see me, the very next day he would never look at me or smile like he normally would. He just seemed not to notice me at all... It did seem that he was making a pointed effort not to look at me, but I don’t know if he acted like this because I misread him and he doesn’t actually like me or if he is unsure of how I feel about him and is afraid of rejection (he’s a really sweet guy). I am afraid of making myself too obvious and feeling like a fool if he doesn’t feel that the same way since I will be seeing him around, even though he is no longer my professor. What should I do? Why does he act like this - is he trying to avoid me because he dislikes me?

[pianoblack]

Oh... I used to do the same thing to this one girl I was head over heels for. -_-

My reason was that if one day I approached her or came on to her or even if she noticed that I was paying more attention to her than usual, then the next day I should play it cool. LOL, yeah. Basically, I thought that if I stared at her/approached her every day I would seem needy, end up annoying her, or just be unable to say anything significant. It's a sort of "balancing" method that ends up confusing everybody.

If you are sure that he DID show signs of interest, my advice would be to display a CONSISTENT reaction to him. For example, always show him a warm, welcoming smile. It may not work at first, because it will take time for him to differentiate between a smile that is a response to his advance (when he is warm) versus a smile that is an invitation and is always present (when he is cold). When he notices that you do not close yourself off, he will be less scared of being shot down or saying something stupid and even if he doesn't have anything to say planned, that smile will be too inviting to pass up.

Well, at least that's what would work on me. Good luck! :D

[toulouse]

For example, always show him a warm, welcoming smile. It may not work at first, because it will take time for him to differentiate between a smile that is a response to his advance (when he is warm) versus a smile that is an invitation and is always present (when he is cold)"

Wait atre yo sayig it is good to encourage his coldness - you don't think that he will thin it as an encouragment to act cold-i wonder their is a gy I like who def seems to do tihs, but I always am cionsistent- ont so much

[toulouse]

For HIM a for both of us.

If I act different & he acts different we will ever know what is going on ^ever.

o am consistent even when he is p*ssy & at least that way I know he isn;t being that way because I am being that way... tho, I think he still punishing me fro the past - but anyways I am consistent because ultimately it s better to find out someone does not like you, then to be thoroughly confused.

:-)

[pianoblack]

No, no. The reason I, and probably he, acts cold is because of fear that if I come on too strongly or too regularly, she will back away or be frightened. That is why I stay cold. That way, there will be no way for her to interpret any of my actions as an advance and she won't be worried. However, if I see that she is NOT frightened by my actions and still shows an open demeanor, I won't be anxious about spooking her and I will be able to approach more regularly. :D

[Anonymous]

There could be any number of reasons why he took a dramatic change in his demeanor. -Perhaps he's looking for you to make a move.

-He could be pursuing another woman.

-He could be stressed and romance is a low priority.

-Or there's another (more likely) possibility: you mentioned that he's a professor at your school. The school may have a faculty code of conduct that prohibits him from having a relationship with a student; past, present, or future.