Guys, Is "Attainability" A Thing, Guys?

[seryleme]

When I was 17 I thought I must have been hideous or a monster or something because everyone around me was "dating" but most definitely hooking up and flirting and all that. I'm gonna clarify right here and say that I don't have a bad personality, I'm not standoffish, maybe intimidating. So recently I was drinking and I told my friend this all emotional and she just laughed and said guys think I'm too good for them, that I'm out of their league, that I'll reject them or I look too "good" (won't give them sex right away) and that's the reason why. I'm too "unobtainable" she said.

Is this true? I mean, is this a thing? Just think of a girl with all the qualities you love, would you think like this too? So you'll just go for someone below her and fool yourself or something? I didn't know this was a legit case. I really thought if guys found someone attractive they would just go for them and approach them. If the girl was even like a goddess level of attractiveness that would make guys more motivated to get her before someone else does but is this not the case? Please explain this to me.

[theharlequin]

You've asked several questions here, so I'll take a shot at answering some of them.
'Just think of a girl with all the qualities you love, would you think like this too?' - That depends greatly upon the guy and what he's after. Unfortunately, most guys aren't after qualities. They're after a female body. Those who are after quality actively seek out girls who are 'unattainable' to players, but those guys aren't common.
'So you'll just go for someone below her?' - Again, each guy will be different. For me, no. I decided long ago that I'd rather live my life searching and having the hope of finding the girl of my dreams rather than settling for less and losing hope of ever finding that dream girl. But I'm not exactly you're average guy...

Beyond these things, yes, *perceived* attainability is an important issue with guys. Even if a girl is everything he is searching for, he'll not pursue her if he sees her as unattainable. That doesn't mean he'll settle for less; it just means he probably won't pursue that particular girl.
I often tell my female friends that most decent guys need to have an invitation to approach and pursue, especially in a world where guys are heavily criticized for taking the initiative with women. For any decent guy, being labeled as a creep is serious, so unless he perceives that his approach is welcome and wanted from a girl, he most likely won't approach even if he'd love to meet her. So the best thing a girl can do is to make sure she gives him welcoming signals. Open/inviting body language, smiles, eye contact, etc, from a distance, and talking to him and engaging him in conversation when interacting will tell him she is open to him. It still won't guarantee an approach from him, but it's the part that she needs to play. If she does that, then she's done what she needs to do, and the rest is on him.

[seryleme]

Glad you're not the average guy, wish someone told me this when I was young so I wouldn't feel there was something wrong with me personally. Alright I'll take your advice too, but I also find the problem with doing some of the things you said is I noticed some guys get a big ego from that and will undermine or undervalue the girl from what they previously thought of her. For example I knew a guy who just raved over this girl. She complimented him then it went downhill. He acted like she was nothing from then on.

[theharlequin]

Yes, that can definitely happen with both genders, especially those who are immature. People tend to want what they can't have, so when they feel like they have acquired something, it tends to lose value to them. And in that sense, they're more interested in the 'chase' than in the person they're engaging, which is why I say it's an immaturity thing. But if a guy is really interested in the girl herself, as opposed to just getting her attention, number, or whatever, he'll love it if she shows interest in him.
As a guy, I usually just take the risk and be open about my interest in girls. And most of the time, they start losing interest and viewing me as lesser value. That's just my cue to move on and find someone who enjoys my pursuit and is ready to form a connection with me. But it's a difficult process - for both genders.

[Anonymous]

The truth is that most attractive girls know that they're attractive, and let it get to their heads. When attractive girls reject guys, it's usually in a pretty nasty fashion. Contrary to what many girls seem to believe, guys have feelings too! Being rejected fucking sucks, especially if she's a complete jerk about it.

Another thing it could be is that a lot of really attractive girls (and guys) just look dumb and vapid. It's hard to explain, but if it looks like somebody puts all of their time into their looks, how could he/she possibly have the time to build a decent/interesting personality? I know that this is a pretty stupid assumption, but assumptions are usually stupid to begin with.

Also, the vast majority of attractive girls have boyfriends already. Decent guys don't chase taken girls.

[Wezthepezt]

I am one of those that think an attractive woman I'd unobtainable mainly because I think that they have a boyfriend already I mean I'm not prince charming but I'm also not quasimodo ugly

[manmore]

This is true.