Advice for dating someone wealthier than you?

[Lee_Lee_89]

I grew up with a single parent and very little $ (we got by, but just barely).
(I have no complaints/regrets about this because it has helped shaped me into the person I am today.)
I met a new guy who is great (smart, sweet, funny, good-looking, charming, great job... the whole package). He also happens to be wealthy. ( I did not know this about him initially, I found out later ).
He does not act stuck-up or spoiled in any way (very down-to-earth).
However I must admit the whole idea of being with him is somewhat intimidating to me.
He grew up rich, in an affluent neighborhood, went to a fancy school, and every single one of his friends are rich too. (He's basically had the best of everything his whole life.)
He doesn't know anything about my financial background ( I just have a very basic one bedroom apt & a crappy car - he hasn't seen either yet). He insists on taking me fancy places (always treating me even when I offer to pay half). I know the money thing *shouldn't* be an issue, but do you have any advice? (I've never been in this situation before.)
In a few weeks he'll be coming to see me (where I live for the first time - we met at a diff location). I can't help but be a little nervous about it...

[Crapulux]

Well, since I'm a bit wealthy myself I can offer my perspective...

I don't care if she's rich. In fact, a wealthy woman could be a problem. She could be a spoiled princess (high maintenance, gold digger, etc). Or she could be a "strong independent woman" (ie, only cares about her career and doesn't care about a man).

On the other hand, a woman who has little money, but has a stable job and knows how to manage and be thrifty is a huge plus. It proves you have your priorities sorted out. If you assume he's been confronted with gold diggers previously, and will be wary of them, then this gives you an advantage.

Let's take your car as an example... Someone who takes a 5 or 10-year loan on a shiny new car is an idiot. It's just a car. It's a tool to move from point A to point B. The marginal benefit that a 50k$ car gives you (ie, mostly bragging) has to be weighted against the cost, plus asset depreciation is terrible. I have much more respect for someone who drives a piece of shit but is responsible enough to have some money saved "just in case" than for someone who goes into debt to purchase a shiny new car.

Now, if your boyfriend is already wealthy, he doesn't need more money. He's not dating your bank account. Pitfalls you face are:

- Your own self esteem: don't be ashamed of making less than him, because that can gnaw at you and trash your self-esteem. If he likes you, then he likes you.

- Shared expenses: make it clear you're not gonna split the bill if it exceeds what you can afford. Don't let your pride interfere. Don't spend too much because of pride and later regret it.

- Don't overthink and be too intimidated. Guys are rather straightforward creatures you know... when in doubt, try asking LOL

In the end, money is only a means for happiness, not an end. If you have enough... then it's alright. How much money is enough to make a person happy tells a lot about said person, by the way. Expensive tastes tend to be shallow and (IMO) uninteresting.

[Lee_Lee_89]

thanks so much. that's really insightful. :)

[Crapulux]

Hehe, thanks. I'll give you more insight from my ex...

She found a job, but it was a bit far. She didn't own a car. But this job would have been nice for her, it would boost her self-esteem and make her happy. So I offered to buy a car for her... a cheap used one of course. But she was too proud for that.

(Note: when there is a problem, women add more problems instead of looking for simple solutions)

So, I lent her my car. This was absurd, because I then had to borrow my parent's backup car. If I had purchased an extra car for myself, then we would be back to the previous problem, because she'd think I'd bought it for her. Or something.

She simply couldn't get over the fact that in my opinion, it made perfect sense to spend something like 4k$ so she could go to a job she liked. It would also have been a good investment... Quite absurd...

[red324]

Well I don't think he's going to run away, unless the inside of your apartment looks like it hasn't been cleaned in forever. Do keep one thing in mind, people who have money don't usually believe in buying cheap stuff. Why? Because they had the money to figure out it's cheaper to buy quality more expensive stuff that lasts. Honestly, don't even mention that he's well off, just continue to be your normal self that he appears to like.

[Lee_Lee_89]

I'm a very tidy/clean person. Thanks. :)

[Madeintheusa]

I was in the same situation. My current boyfriend comes from a much wealthier family and now has a job where he is making good money too. I felt uncomfortable at first bc I do not come from a family with money. We barely got by. I was so afraid of having him come to my house and see how I lived. It didn't take me long to realize he didn't care how many money I had. He loved me. Hopefully it works out the same for you! If he doesn't want to be with you bc of that, you don't want to be with him
Anyway!

[Lee_Lee_89]

thanks so much. good to hear. :)

[karenkkraft]

Never carry a chip on your shoulder. (Not saying that you do, by the way). Always be yourself and present an honest persona to others with only the amount of drama you usually have in your life. Some like it hot, some like ice statues. The bottom line is that there are many people who like either style. Be true to yourself -- and NEVER be pretentious.

[Lee_Lee_89]

thanks, I appreciate it.

[lovelyhoneybones]

Don't expect him to pay for everything for you. If he offers, then that's fine but other than that, don't depend on him. If you guys go out, don't automatically expect him to pay for stuff. Still offer to pay for things. Reassure him that you can pay for thins yourself and his money doesn't mean everything to you.

[Lee_Lee_89]

i always offer to split the check (he declines though). then I offer to pay the tip at least (at restaurants), which he also declines. but I always offer.

[OjosOscuros2]

As with anything of concern, talk to him about it. It's normal to feel a bit intimidated, or even embarrassed, but you want to tell him about your background so it's more of a clarity in your mind rather than his. The reality is that there will be differences between how you and him were raised due to money, and communication will be vital when you guys move into the territory of building a more serious commitment to one another.

[kiki54262]

Just be yourself and that's all that matters. It shouldn't ever be a problem with money, and if you're offering to pay half, and if you really like him and are not dating him for money, then just go for it.

[Lee_Lee_89]

thanks :)

[ibodi]

To be reality, If he often goes to luxurious place, It is a burden for you.
I dont know what happen to my friend but a girl was crazy later.
Me, know it is not easy to adapt in different financial environment.
So it is better to built my own.
Sometimes, only the king can pull out The Sword in the Stone can't it?
I believe it.

[Sha84]

i have always dated rich guys, just act normal and superior when with him,. he picked you for your appearance and personality not as a financial conquests. flaunt your beauty and personality. forget about your wealth as not an issue

[Lee_Lee_89]

thank you

[TacosRAwesome]

Be sure he sees you as a person and not a charity-projecy get out of hell free card. Otherwise, as long as both of you contribute to the relationship it should be fine.

[Lee_Lee_89]

thanks :)

[mattmanyah]

I am having your same problem... I like to pay for dates but she takes me out to places where the cheapest thing on the menu is $16 ... its very frustrating... my savings account is smaller than her weekly pay. and I feel very demasculated by it

[Eternallylucky]

Accept it as normal if he finds it abit of a put off if you are just not as rich as he is. But that's not your real concern - is it?

The whole point of being around with rich people is that you treat them as they aren't going to make you uncomfortable so you stick to being cool and act like it's no big deal. This won't happen until you know your real worth without the money-things you value in life plus core values and stand by them then you really haven't got less than him.

[Chanel1981]

Don't worry! I highly doubt best interested in your car and apartment ;)

[Lee_Lee_89]

thanks, lolz :)

[rjroy3]

If he's the whole package you say, then it won't matter.

[rjroy3]

My answer is shallow, but that's the gyst case in point. If he's down to earth and not stuck up. You get along in so many ways and have that chemistry, then why would it matter that you don't have money? Guys in general do not care about your financial situation. He clearly doesn't. Especially when he's open and willing to pay for you. I'm guessing your only concern is that he might look down on you, because of your financial situation. He won't. He may have never thought about it and be a little surprised (maybe), just because he didn't think about it beforehand. But in the end it really does not matter. What matters is how you feel about it.

[Lee_Lee_89]

thanks :)

[akkisma]

just let him come and meet you and you have to frankly say him about your feelings to him and about your financial status on your meet... let him decide about your relationship...

[COCOCHANEL]

it shouldn't be a problem. he probably doesn't expect or want you to be rich.

[HoneyButterCup525]

So you havnt told him about your fiance situation yet? If not then take this as a test to see how he truly seems towards this whole thing.

[Sammy2616]

just be yourself and be humble

[Lee_Lee_89]

thanks :)

[Sammy2616]

because changing your personality would like lying☺

[Anonymous]

Marry him and divorce him and take half. Girls are great at that, am I right guys :D

[Anonymous]

Pffft.. He gon learn tAdAy 😏

[rgb008]

MARRY THEM LMFAO