Men, do you hate being questioned?

[marleyfreed]

If you have set yourself up to be questioned, for example by always having an excuse that your busy, your pgo e is always dying, you work hours change constantly, you take your phone everywhere you go even under you while you sleep then why get mad if you are being questioned. A man claims to love a women yet creates all these spaces for doubt. When is questioning acceptable or is it never?

[Tomic]

Look, the problem is not exactly being questioned, is about when, and how. (Obviously, there are people who's strange)
First tip: always question someone when he's calm, and not doing what you want to ask.
Ask him when he's not using his phone.
Second Tip: if you want him to understand his side, be completely honest: that means that you have to tell him what he does, what do you think of it, how do you feel about it, and explain why do you feel this. It's hard on the beginning, but it works really well

[marleyfreed]

I've told him what bothers me about things he does and he says I'm needy or dramatic. Like I've told him he needs to have a little more communication. Respond to my text in an appropriate time, not right away but not at all. Or that when we talk, actually have a conversation. It's always so short and quick. But I'm needy

[Tomic]

You can't say to anyone how he should act, the natural instinct is to enter in defensive mode.
Did you talk to him with all this I said (proper time, and using the tips on the order?)
(I know you probably did, just to confirm it)

[marleyfreed]

Questioning about time and communication yes. But question regarding other females due to lack of the above, not at appropriate times and I've not asked him properly, more like I ask and throw in your a liar and all down hill etc. I've messed up with my behavior in all this. He has as Well but me more. He's given me tons of chances to change this. I haven't. I want to. I love him. I just go snoop and my head out shi together and here I go accusing him and questioning if anything he's said is even true

[marleyfreed]

I need to fix this but not by repeating the same thing, actually changing it. How can I do this. How can I prove to him that's not just me and it won't happen again. How can I ensure it won't happen again

[Tomic]

Wow, wow, ok, settle down...
Sorry for ask that, but, why do you love him?
Tell me things he does to deserve your love every day

[marleyfreed]

When we are together, we laugh so much out cheeks hurt, he trusts in me completely when it comes to me being loyal. Never questions me, or thinks I'm out doing things other than what I say. He informs me of things like shen he's going out. If he does. He's a homebody. Not wild and out. deep down inside he has this sweetness that may not come out but it's in there. He always reaches for my hand when we're in the car. He compliments me all the time. The sex is amazing. We are completely comfortable with each other. Our kisses are like if theyre meant for eachother. He's strong and is in a tough situation living out of his car and hotels and has maintained through it all with me being supportive as can be. He's a great guy over all. Just not the lovey dovey fairytale Prince I once believed should be. He makes sure to make me feel special and like I'm the only one in person. I think I have a problem being away from him.

[Tomic]

Ok, he is absolutely a great guy, I'll become like this one day hahahahah
So, what's the real problem?
Why you don't like him keeping his phone to himself?

[marleyfreed]

When we initiated the relationship, he moved to LA too soon from starting a relationship. He told me about an ex calling. I told him be respectful of our relationship by not speaking to an ex. He spoke to her after that. He got an infection at some point and swore he didn't cheat, that he mustve had it. My test was negative. I looked past it. He wouldn't change his relationship status on fb and was adding females irrelevant to his life. Non mutual friends. Liking female posts of their sexy titty out pics. Anytime I called which was rarely, hed answer saying his phone is about to die, or not answer and call back 20-30 min after. I woke up in the middle of the night once and he was texting, I said something about it and he went off saying i dont pay his bill instead of you know what I'm sorry for texting this late let's go to sleep. Those and a few other issues is what made him sketchy to me. He lives out of his car, showers at a gym, works 10-12 hr shifts.

[marleyfreed]

When does he really have time to cheat? Non really. I've been with him in his car and have been everywhere he frequents w/him. There's times he does call me throughout the day, some he doesn't. He thought it would be funny to accidentally call me, have a muffled voice and then a female voice. I said are you serious! And he started laughing. I hung up. Nothing funny about that

[marleyfreed]

Those are the problems. I've told him how I feel about them. He thinks I over react. I'm the other hand. There has not been 1 weekend I dont see him. He has come to see me every weekend. I've gone up there twice. And everyday he has contacted me at least once. Never a day I dont hear from him at all. I've slept in his car with him to keep him company at times, I've been supportive and have talked him out of quitting his job and life. I never ask for materialistic things, I dont even ask for dates, I dont smother him. I just feel his shown a lot a lot of signs of a cheater.

[marleyfreed]

He him self has said that he knows he may have given off signs of a cheating person but that he never once has and wouldn't to me. I became confused between logic and belief. Thus my mind thinking up a storm and blowing it up.

[Tomic]

Ok...
Look, I can't say for sure if he is or isn't cheating on you, but this behavior is not a good sign.
But his comportment shows one thing, the major reason for cheating is "want something the partner is not giving".
His behavior is not a cheater behaviors is a "want something" behavior.
Get to de basics.
How often you have sex?
How often do you actually see him?
How is it when you see him?
How often do you talk?
How is the talk?
(Make estimates for theses questions)

[marleyfreed]

We have sex everytime we've seen each other (everyweekend, multiple times), see him every weekend. Either from spending the night together to the day together. If I'm not with him when he's going to leave back to LA, he comes by to say goodbye. If he's here 3 days, I see him 2 out of the three with the 3rd at least short

[marleyfreed]

We talk everyday. Time varies from 3min to an hour. Amount of call per day from 1-6 times. Rarely 6 times and rarely an hour convo. The talk is from our day, future plans, ideas, something that happened, news article we read, cool show like gotham, news, it varies.

[Tomic]

Ok, It looks like a good relation to me...
What do you think he would miss/want?

[marleyfreed]

Well he just wants me to trust him. Those behaviors could be him pushing away because of the questioning. He told me without accusing him and doubting him everything else is great. My problem comes from deep. Can it be that my behavior is due to guilt?

[Chaz269]

Nobody likes being grilled, whether they're guilty or not. I've dated insecure women and it gets old quick. If you can't trust him, cut him loose. If you can trust him, get your shit together, cuz you're just nutz. Either way, you're currently out of line. That kind of paranoia, insecurity, jealousy, whatever is a poison pill for any relationship.

[marleyfreed]

I know this. I'm looking for something to help me stop this behavior.

[maxwell86]

Example... question me anytime you want. Never hide shit from your ol'lady never. But sometimes you gotta fuck with her. Put a all male orgy photo as your bavk ground and sit back as she questions you. P. s. glass of whiskey is required!!!

[marleyfreed]

Lol the humor

[maxwell86]

You need to enjoy life, when it is taken from you. You will fight for the freedom

[marleyfreed]

Your right about that

[LegateLanius]

I could say the same thing about women in that regard.

[marleyfreed]

Ok but I've never been questioned. I don't set myself up to be doubted. I've told my boyfriend when I'm you n out, with who, when I'm home. I leave my phone around him all the time. I shower and leave it out. I sleep without it etc. I'm not getting random text and calls during the day or night. I'm faithful, loyal af and if I get questioned I laugh because I know I don't do anything (he's questioned me purposely so I see how it feels supposedly) on his part he gets angry, and pissed off that I question anything. Yet he's sketchy af and that's just really how he is, not that he's cheating.

[Listening5]

I dont like it, if someone does I tell them I dont discuss my private life with strangers.

[thegr8lion]

Yes I do