He's making me insecure. Is he doing this because I'm lacking? Or is there something wrong with him?

[sunshine97_]

- Guy friend drunk texted saying he loves me. I confessed back the next day. Then said he's unsure & needed to think.

- He decided we should stay friends instead. Since then he's been leading me on whilst pursuing other girls.

- My sister prank called him. He said "you might even be funnier than your sister" & tried to phone sex. He told me my sis looks like a Bollywood actress (he never complimented me before) & hinted he could go for her.

- He found out I'm pursuing another guy now. Nowadays he's flirting with me more whilst still pursuing other girls.

People tell me I'm good looking & fun to be around. Yet how he treated me is making me doubt that. :(

Updates

+1 y

He's scared of being single forever. He can see its working out with my crush.

I feel like he's going for me because he didn't like me & can't imagine why others would like me. So he's seeing me as a reliable backup.

[Nicole_Is_Bored]

To be honest, he doesn't seem like the type to come up with a devious plan, but there are chances he's just something along the lines of an asshole. I think, personally, that at first, he was testing you to see if you're into something between you two, then brushed it off as a fluke to you, then when he noticed your interest in other people, he wanted a bit himself. That happens a fair amount of times with men and women, popular phrasing and quote being: "You don't realize how important someone is to you, until you lose them." But in this case, being a potential partner instead of something like a long term girlfriend candidate. Sorry for the lengthy reply but thanks for reading.

[Meshion]

Ugh... he is playing games with you now that he knows you have a crush.
Do not I repeat DO NOT flirt with him... if you want to keep being his friend, cool... but if he flirts brush him off. Just talk to the other guy. If he told you he wants to be friends do that. Don't make this difficult babe.
You make him sound like a fuck boy.
Guys that like you don't play loads of games or tell you he could date your sister.

[sunshine97_]

I don't flirt back luckily, I usually brush him off. Its kind of impossible to cut ties with him right now. After we both graduate this summer, I'm planning to cut him out.

Is he doing this because he's assuming my standards are low (meaning I would put up with his BS) as I'm not good looking or fun enough?

[Meshion]

I think he's just one of those guys that tries to keep most girls as potential fucks. He's probably thinking one day you'll give in.
I'm sure you're plenty fine and plenty fun. Don't let him make you feel bad for being you. Remember everyone like something. if he doesn't really think so you can find a genuine guy.

[sunshine97_]

That does make sense. I really appreciate the effort you're putting in to give your input into this. Its helping me get closure. You're right I shouldn't give a shit about what a slut like him thinks. And should focus on my current crush.

[wingattebaby16]

he is playing with you.. he is afraid of a real girl, like you...

MOVE ON

[sunshine97_]

What do you mean by 'real girl'? And why would he be afraid of that?

[wingattebaby16]

You are too real and serious for him. The fact that you are moving on to your crush says to him you are not sitting around for him to talk to you and maybe ask you out.

Dating someone coz he is afraid of being alone can end up in a relationship based on convenience instead of love

[vincjh]

Don't deal with these kinds of guys. It's the whole "you don't realize what you had till it's gone". Some guys also love the chase, so once it's over they get bored and move on to another challenge. Or maybe he perceived you as a "sure thing". Don't bother with him.

Stick with your crush! Find someone who appreciates you wholly. I hope all the best for you! Everything you wish for, I wish for you too.

[sunshine97_]

Thanks for your words of encouragement and your input, it's helping me gain closure on this situation. I'm definitely sticking with my crush :D

Do you think he could be seeing me as a 'sure thing' because he can see I'm objectively not enough? This thought is sabotaging things with my crush.

[vincjh]

Never think that you're not enough. No one is perfect but no one is never enough either. Don't think less of yourself. Sometimes, falling too quick is perceived as too easy and a sure thing thus the saying "play hard to get".

[sunshine97_]

Your answer is the one that makes the most sense for my situation. He was my first love, hence why I fell hard. It must've been obvious to him, hence why he thought he can keep me as an option. I also really appreciate your advice.

[vincjh]

First loves will always have a grip on you. It's true. But know your worth and never let this weakness bring you down! All the best in everything you do!

[sunshine97_]

I agree with you. I guess giving him the power to be my source of strength was a big mistake, as that power also made him my source of weakness. Thank you! :D I also hope you find a really nice girl, since you seem like a really nice guy.

[coolbreeze]

He probably trying to boost his ego more. He could like you but is confused and he is afraid of loosing your friendship. The friendship means more to him.

[CaaTalam]

From what I can tell there is something wrong with him
And I think you answered your own question that he is scared and he doesn't know what to do

[sunshine97_]

What makes you think there's something wrong with him? (I haven't been able to get my closure on it, as I haven't talked to anyone about it for 2 years, while it was happening).

If he's scared of being single, shouldn't he go for someone who isn't crushing on another guy? He can see I'm going for someone else.

Does he think I'm a reliable option because I'm objectively not enough?

[CaaTalam]

I don't know the guy but he might see you that way
But the reason I think there is something wrong with him is because from what you said about him he sounds like he has no confidence in himself so he's putting you down (intentionally or unintentionally) so he can feel better

[sunshine97_]

I'm now seeing him for what he is from a neutral perspective. I've recently been getting my confidence back to where it was.

If he's seeing me like that, then he's as dumb as a rock, as different people like different things. Hence the saying "one man's trash may be another man's treasure". I'm actually seeing how selfish he is, as his way of gaining confidence entails hurting others.

[JL4PLAY]

Backup, u need to be #1. U think he would like ur sister, then ask her for the spy game, to see if he would cheat. If he's pursuing other girls, u should b shaking ur junk too

[JL4PLAY]

I know you have a lot of people to talk to, but all u really need is to listen to urself. Glad to see ur confidence is back.

[sunshine97_]

Haha thanks for the tips, but there's no need for it anymore, since I've got a new guy 😂

[archiz]

Which one is the guy you showed us in the pic
Anw that dude sounds manipulative and abusive

[sunshine97_]

The guy I showed in the pic is my new crush. This post is about the previous guy (first love) before my new crush.

Why does he seem manipulative and abusive to you?

[archiz]

cause he s playing with you

[badgalg]

That dude sounds toxic best thing is to move on

[Iddy_Bella]

I agree

[sunshine97_]

@Iddy_Bella what makes you think he's toxic?

I haven't been able to move on for 2 years from this. As I keep thinking no one can like me & haven't talked to anyone about this.

[Iddy_Bella]

Because he clearly disrespects you and has no limits. He has a thing for your sister. He clearly doesn’t value you or respect you or your sister. That alone makes this a toxic relationship.

I know how you feel, I was with my ex (my very first boyfriend) for nearly 3 years. I have the same worries and doubts you do. I am a plus size woman and a strict Christian. My odds of finding someone who will love me for me, is very slim. But I don’t want to be miserable and settle for someone who disrespects me. I would rather be alone and happy than in a relationship and feel miserable.

Message me if you want to talk some more :)

[sunshine97_]

@Iddy_Bella I feel like I'm getting a more of a closure and understanding of this situation when I'm discussing it with you, do you mind if we private message here. You're also free to discuss what you're going through :)

It's always the first love that really screws us over. That guy was my first love. I also feel like my chances are slim as I'm a Muslim, which already limits my options, also due to being different I feel like no one will love me for me. So I understand where you're comming from.

I agree, I too would rather be alone than be in an unhappy and toxic relationship.

[Iddy_Bella]

Sure. Of course you can message me

[Portissac]

Mmmm steer clear no benefit to u

[sunshine97_]

I'm not considering on going for him. Is he treating me like this because I'm lacking or is there something wrong with him?

[Portissac]

Something wrong with him

[LordSnuggles]

You're both annoying. Maybe you'll cancel each other out.

[sunshine97_]

How am I annoying?

[badgalg]

Dude that's really rude maybe you shut the fuck up and find a different corner in the world to give your sorry ass opinions to. Like she is genuinely asking for help

[sunshine97_]

Dude I don't know why I decided to put up with your bitchiness. At least I'm not being bitchy to others just because I'm miserable with my own life.

Karma will hit you one day :)

[jamesmark1903]

Ignore that guy and focus on the one you like.

[jamesmark1903]

If a person needs to think about the the fact whether or not they like you, they obviously don’t. If someone likes you, then they won’t need to take time to think.

[jamesmark1903]

Why on earth you confessed that you liked him back? Don’t you like your current crush? Don’t be played.

[sunshine97_]

That guy was my first love, I confessed to him 2 years ago. Since then we stayed friends and continued liking him as he's been leading me on.

Couple of months ago, I saw him for what he was and ended up crushing on someone else, but got over that guy.

Thanks I'll take what you said as a life lesson.

[sunshine97_]

Is he treating me like this because I'm lacking or is there something wrong with him?

[sunshine97_]

He's one of the biggest reasons for my self esteem issues.

[jamesmark1903]

I know how it feels about first love. I am not sure if I ever been in love with someone, but that feeling is extremely hard to get over. If that guy is still affecting you, then its time you ignore him and block him all social media including his number.

[sunshine97_]

I know for sure what I felt was love. I can't help but think I won't be enough for anyone, so subconsciously I end up self sabotaging potential relationships because of him.

I can't cut him out at the moment. It will be easier to cut him out after summer when we both graduate.

[jamesmark1903]

Talk to me on instagram.

[jamesmark1903]

You have to ignore him. If this continues, you will take stall on your mental health. It gets much worse. Trust me. I know the devastating effect of being rejected. He has to experience rejection. You deserve better. There's absolutely nothing wrong wanting something better for yourself.

[sunshine97_]

Thanks for the suggestion but don't worry I can talk to my counsellor, friends and family. Also you've already got a lot going on, so I don't think it's a good idea, I'm going to hinder you from getting better.

I'm already over him. I can't ignore him as he's in my project group and all my classes till I graduate. I limit how much I talk to him unless it's project related.