I know he loves having sex with me, but does he like me?

[Kitten-von-Purrr]

I have been seeing a man on and off now for around 7 months. We met at a resort in Samoa and had a steamy night together, and as we lived in the same city have met up a total of 3 times since our original encounter. When we do see each other we have a ridiculously strong sexual attraction, and both find each other irresistible. Naturally the sex is utterly fantastic. However I can't tell if he actually likes me beyond that. We do keep in touch, he admitted last night that he checks my facebook page/photos a fair bit and has fantasies about our time together. He really doesn't like the idea of me dating someone else but seems fine with me sleeping with them (as this is open and he does too). But when we are together he tells me how much he missed me, how hot he thinks I am, how attracted he is to me, and can't keep his hands off me in public. He stated last night that he was getting 'territorial' as he pulled me close in a bar. In the mornings it finishes with 'thanks for the good night' which I initially thought meant 'goodbye, have a nice life' but it is a recurring phrase, and we still see each other. He doesn't always make the effort to contact me, and I don't want to ruin it by contacting him too much. However he seems happy when we do speak and/or arrange something. He has cute pet names for me. But he also doesn't seem phased when we haven't talked for a month. I know he has an extremely busy and productive life (Busy job and plays a lot of sport...) but I feel that I am getting mixed messages and would love a guy to decode this for me.. Would I scare him off if I was in touch more frequently?

[jdcpa]

He's your typical honest guy, but (he's remained that way, because he has yet to encounter a "reason" for being dishonest).

Guys are simple; they want (1) freedom and (2) fun. They need both! If one of them is missing, they begin their search to find both. What every guy wants is to find both of those things in one person.

At first glance, this might seem to be in direct conflict with a girl's interests. However, this conflict is a matter of interpretation; not one of fact.

Wanting freedom does not mean lacking loyalty. In fact, "freedom" is "necessary" for loyalty! Can a prisoner be said to be "loyal" to his prison, if his choice to leave is no longer available? Therein lies most of the confusion in interpretation. As soon as a man feels his "freedom" is being compromised, usually when the girl tries to force commitment, the man tries his best to preserve his freedom in an effort to save the relationship.

After all, his goal is to find both freedom and fun with the same person! His first instinct is to preserve his sense of autonomy and freedom with the woman he's found fun with; this usually involves him trying to distance himself. If she persists and effectively tramples on his autonomy and freedom, he is forced to leave (for he cannot find "both" with this girl).

Similarly, wanting fun does not mean lacking a genuine emotional connection. In fact, "fun" (sex) is as necessary to a man as attention, caring, communication, love, and loyalty are to a woman. Sex "is" all of those things. Yes, it is a conceded fact that some men are just desperately looking for get laid. But, that still doesn't change what sex is for men, any more than gold-diggers change what dating and marriage is for women.

Men are simple in terms of what they want from a woman. Think outside the box for a second. If a man's idea of "love" or "genuine emotional connection" revolved around: cooking, cleaning, child-care services, financial contribution and support, etc; men would be perfectly happy with other men. Instead, men want to find the most pleasure they can in their relatively short life on this earth. In an effort to reconcile male and female interests, men stray away from a polygamous lifestyle; but not to imply that they intend to sacrifice or do without (or with less) sexual fun.

Rather, a polygamous lifestyle is nothing more than a "hit-or-miss" strategy on the part of men. They have sex with a number of women; some of them are fun, others are not. Him finding a woman who gives him what he desires sexually is a matter of "accident" which is simply more likely to occur the more women he has sex with. Monogamy is far more romantic, in the sense that the woman is "able to understand" what her man desires sexually, and give it to him; thereby removing any need to look elsewhere for (both "fun" and freedom).

For as long as you remain the woman who has "both" of these things, he will inevitably and naturally conclude a genuine desire to be with you.

[mikkie180]

I don't think you'll scare him off. I think he really does like you and might be scared himself about scaring you off. That could explain why he does not intiate contact, that along with his busy schedule.

[Kitten-von-Purrr]

Thank you, that is encouraging. One more thing... If I do send a message and he doesn't get back to me, should I just leave the ball in his court or get in touch again a while later?

[mikkie180]

Once you initiate contact leave the ball in his court to get back to you.

[selectivethought]

Indubitably, it seems that way. Just ask him. :o)