Not Friend Material?

[Anonymous]

Whenever I meet a guy and start talking to him, it seems that 90% of the time they don't want to be friends. They always want something more. I could see if I was flirting with them like crazy or touching them in a flirtatious way, but I'm not. I'm just friendly, and they're the ones that are flirtatious .. I just don't understand why guys never want to be just friends. Any ideas?

[Mesonfielde]

Because they find you physically attractive therefore when you give them the attention they crave, they assume that you do it because you reciprocate their interest. But when you get into this cycle of melodrama, in my case at least I'm pretty sure that you don't really want to lower your expectations and needs for the person - meaning if they start believing they could be more, they don't want to be less.

As I've heard once before: "saying we can still be friends if like saying the dog is dead but we can keep it."

My idea from experience is that there was once a girl in my life who hung out with me a lot, we talked for aeons and all that, but she clearly declared in the beginning that "I feel connected to you but strictly as a friend" and I was like "okay" and we're friends and no one wants more than that. If you declare before they believe irreal things, you can have friendships with people worthy and capable of it.

[Asker]

LOL well as funny of a quote as that was .. its pretty true

...Well I'm always friendly right off the bat ..I'm not flirting or leading them on. And once they try and flirt with me I always just joke around about it.. I mean what else can I do? Is there anyway that I can clarify that I just wanna b friends? But not just flat out say it?

[Mesonfielde]

Well, that's a pretty good question. I was flat out told. Unless you say it, people will assume that they could be more, because you're willing to pay them a lot of attention. It's unfortunate that genuine kindness can be misinterpreted for signs of attraction, while true signs of attraction are all so hidden that no one ever notices them. Conclusion, we're all dumb. xD

[Asker]

I couldn't agree more :D

hmmm..

I guess I'll just have to stop being friendly and kind, and start being mean. But I'm sure that plan will somehow backfire one me >,< lol

[Mesonfielde]

I... don't think that's a good idea. You could really just clarify sooner than later that you're friends and nothing more. When people talk to you on MSN for 8 hours / day, 56 hours / week and 224 hours / month, then you can be sure that the guy really wants to get together with you at some point. xD

Just sometimes say "It's nice being your friend" or something before it gets too late. So you don't clearly say "YOU ARE ONLY A FRIEND" but imply that what you two have is friendship, not more.

[Asker]

Lol I was only joking ;-p .. but I think that's a good idea.. just sorta slip in "i really like being friends" .. or something along those lines ... there's not need to b rude or blunt imo .. thnks for the help :-))

[Mesonfielde]

You're welcome =)

[Asker]

Btw it's cool how your fom hungary .. I know that was completely random lol

[Mesonfielde]

Well, it certainly has its ups and downs, haha. I don't mind the randomness :P

[Asker]

Psh I'm sure it's really nice .. it probably has a lot more ups than downs lol

[Mesonfielde]

Taxes are high and wages are kind of low. That is one of the greatest downs. But this really is getting sort of irrelevant xD There are various buildings that are beautifully built around here and girls can be just as pretty. xD Also, the Hungarian language is one of the most complex languages in the world, and that sort of helps with learning foreign languages (because we have a lot more extra stuff to know) and also language defines your thinking! These are some ups :D

[Asker]

Hmmm well it sounds pretty great .. well only if the guys are as good looking as the girls lolll nd evn tho the language is difficult , I wouldn't mind learning it

[Mesonfielde]

Well, I've barely ever seen a truly ugly guy around here. So I guess it's fair enough. xD The language would be REALLY hard to learn, I have no idea how it would be possible to learn without being born here. But, you can always try if you want. xD

[Little-Hippie]

Honest Answer?

Women generally make terrible friends.

Why do you think so many girl these days have only guy friends?

Such is not to say that you wouldn't make a good friend, but your fellow females have soiled your good name and thus, men are apprehensive in regards to your friendship.

Along with this, many guys are simply not looking for friendship in girls at all, regardless of who you are. This is because many men are really only pursuing romantic relations with women and usually reserve the friendship portion for other men.

this ties back into what I said about women being terrible friends.

[Sarcastic]

Just distance yourself from them. My friend has the same problem...all you have to do is not respond to their flirting and they should get the message. I have the complete opposite problem I can't keep having guys being just friends with me -_-

[Anonymous]

you can't be friends with someone who you're attracted to because you want them and it kills to know they're not into you like that. and you have to stand by and watch them get with everyone except you

[Anonymous]

Seriously its probably cause you hot. When a hot girl gives you the time of day, you go for it ahahah.

[Asker]

Hahaha ... nice answer loll

well I'm not gna say if I am or not because if I do, I'll seem conceited .. so I'll just leave it a mystery ;) lol

[Opinion Owner]

Well with that response ill assume you are ;-)