Hi I have a non committed relationship with a guy for 2 years. We’re both 20y. We had « the talk » 3 weeks ago. I made him understand I wanted more, and he told me that he was thinking we were friends with benefits. Since we never have sex, I assume we’re not and I don’t want us to be. He seemed really surprised and disturbed by my confession. He repeated several times he had to think about it. He said « Why do you make this face? You look like I’m rejecting you. I don’t reject you » and also that we were going to hang out together when he’d come back from holidays.
The following day I texted him by Snapchat. He opened, didn’t reply. Then he replied to my few next texts but he was cold. Since a few days, he replies once in a while. Yesterday I asked him why he was ignored my texts and he just said « i’m tired i just woke up ». (He goes on parties a lot..) I asked him another random question, he opened, didn’t reply. I know he just came back from his holidays and we was supposed to hang out.
Normally, he always texts me back within a minute. He has never ignored me like that before. It’s been 3 weeks now he’s distant and I’m anxious.
What does it mean and what can I do? Thanks you all.
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+1 y
He replied to my last texts and he’s still on holidays and told me internet is not good there
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+1 y
Considering all the negative answers, I would add we have a complicated story, when we first met 2y ago he wanted a relationship with me but I rejected him. Then we argued a lot for two years, always coming back. We care for each other and more than sex, I’m his confident and we trust each other. He doesn’t completely ignore me, it was only a few snaps.
I've been in a similar situation and I assumed we were something more. And when she said (very bluntly), that we were just friends, it kind of threw me off. She became very distant and she later admitted that she had strong feelings for me and was afraid of commitment. In your case maybe he does care about you. Maybe even love you. Maybe he's just not ready and it scared him a little. I'd give him some space. Maybe once a week if you don't receive a text, let him know that you miss him. Maybe invite him to do something you all would normally do. Try and bring it back to what he was comfortable with. Just be careful because I could be horribly wrong and although it seems you're already hurting, it'll hurt a lot more if he does it again.
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Asker
+1 y
Yes I’m already hurting but it’s been complicated for so long i’m kind of used too. You could be wrong but don’t worry about it, thanks for your help ! He is afraid of commitment that’s true, I know him for a long time and he also told me last time that relationships are not his thing. I’ll try to act as you told me ! Thks :)
It could either be he is scared to commit, if that's true then give him space and time. Or i would say it could be he is just there for sex but you aren't having it so I think you should wait and talk to him abit until you think he is comfortable to talk about commitment again.
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Asker
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He tought we were sex friends, but we don’t have sex that often, not to say never. We were sex friends at first but it was two years ago. And yes he’s also afraid of commitment.. Thanks you for helping !
Ok, the first line told me all I needed to know. You're in a non-committed relationship. With such a casual relationship he probably doesn't feel the need to stay in touch 24/7. The moment you start chasing a man or making him feel pressured, especially a man who doesn't want a serious commitment, is when you will see him start to withdraw. Guys will ignore you if you're coming off as too pushy, demanding, or needy. Give him space. Do your hobbies. Hang out with friends. Go out and meet/date other guys. You said yourself that you're in a non-committed relationship and he is likely seeing other women and/or has other priorities that are more important to him. Live your life.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Guys need a lot of space after a talk like that. Usually the best thing to do is not to contact them at all so that they can process things on their own. If he cares for you, he'll be be back, but he needs that space to process things and miss you. Don't contact him for at least a month. If he contacts you, you can speak to him. But let him come to you. Texting and calling him can push him away even further. Guys usually realize that they love someone when they're away from a woman - they're not like us girls. Just try to carry on with your life in the meantime... believe me I know how hard it is. (((HUGS)))
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Asker
+1 y
Thanks you that’s very helpful. I didn’t know that.. I’m afraid of pushing him yes but not talking to him after that was difficult and I wanted to reassure me. It’s been 3 week though so it’s pretty long already. But I will do what you advised me. Have a nice day xoxo
I try to follow a few simple rules in situations like this 1. 0 assumptions. Remember that both of you have your own story about what’s going on and it’s fairly common to not be on the same page 2. No accusations. This is really just doubling down on the first point but it’s really easy to think “I can’t believe he didn’t text me”. That’s your story not necessarily the truth. Plenty of girls have sat at home upset because a guy never texted before a date while he’s currently at a restruant wondering why she’d ignored his text. And then a rescheduled date never happened because both parties went straight to blaming the other. 3. Be confident enough to be vulnerable without trying to make them feel any particular way. Share what’s going on with you so that the both of you have a better understanding of the situation not to encourage them to like/care about you any more or less. I know it seems obvious but most people unconsciously do this all the time. There’s a lot of people running around upset that no one cares about them while all their exes just call them manipulative. There’s also a lot of people walking around happily completely oblivious to the fact that they regularly leave people feeling unappreciated. They may be willing to change immediately if they knew but if everything seems fine on their end they’re probably not looking. They’re also far more likely to help if they aren’t made to feel bad for being unaware.
Back off. You two were on very different pages before that talk. Now he has to sort things out, and you should too. You NEED this time apart to decide if there's room to grow together and if so, what your new boundaries will be. Reflect on what you need, what you want, as well as what you have to offer in return. Wait for him to get back in touch with you. Then have that conversation. At the end of that conversation, you'll both have a decision to make. It doesn't have to be immediately, but soon thereafter. Good luck!
This was one ultimatum for him to realize. You guys weren’t exactly on the same page. Chances are you maybe wasting your time with this guy in particular.. though, he didn’t seem to know what exactly you guys seemingly were or appeared to be at first. If he’s afraid of commitment, there’s a chance of really being there for them w. o the friends with benefits thing. But if he says something in regards to he doesn’t like or want relationships, you could ask why he sees things that way and how his conclusion came to be so.. could’ve been a previous hurtful experience. Though, from you guys not establishing what you guys were beforehand, now things are confusing and now he’s reevaluating his thoughts.. chances are on if he should pursue it or not, what’s involved, etc. Bottom line, if he doesn’t want a long term relationship in general and that maybe what you’re looking for, both are probably wasting each other’s time.
Give it sometime and don't bother him much and then when he think of u and the time he spend with u he will start thinking of more and he will ask himself that do I like or love her and a lot more questions like that and then I'm sure he'll want to come close to u and start discussion about it that will we both will workout for each other and do we understand each other if so so how deep we do? Co, z it's the human nature the time he spend and he laugh it it and he felt good he really want that again and more then before.
If he doesn't want more then he doesn't want more. Maybe he just prefers to be a single guy and party like he does. I'd just tell him you want to remain friends still (assuming you want to). He may come around some day, but you can't force feelings on someone.
He might be feeling overwhelmed with everything. The discussion you two had and the texts he gets from you. With that said still he should just open up and talk to you. Say what he feels. As for the internet thing it could just be an excuse to not text.
Just cut him loose... you're too young to be chasing a guy like this. If they are not chasing you and not trying to make sure you're happy with them and locking in that next encounter... then he isn't interested or just not that into you. There are plenty of guys out there who would love to be with you and want to make you happy. Cut this joker loose and go find yourself a king to treat you like his queen.
I’m not sending him a lot of texts just saying, I maybe texted him a text everyday, and even stopped texting a few days. But you’re right I should leave him some time.
He felt rejected, you rejected his offer so he wants to move on. You have your standards so I think you should stand by them and leave him be, he is like the fox that couldn't reach the grapes
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Asker
+1 y
It’s true I have standards and maybe they are too high and that my loss you’re right, but he’s the kind of playboy / popular guy so for me it seems i’m more the fox than him haha
Simple Damage is done... You had played with fire and you got burnt... so u can just accept that you have made a fool of ursrlf and lost your time. So move on and learn from it.
Listen you look amazing you deserve a better man. Why not just close this useless hole. Open the door to a guy who will love to treat you with respect and offer you a real tangible relationship. This guy seems he isn't ready for commitment.
There is no point in keepeng him around. It will suck you dry of anything you feel. Take a deep breath and continue with your life. A person that cares and is intrerted in another persons life and wellbeing wil always keep in touch and be around for them. He is clearly doing the opposite he is trying to make you go away.
Forget it and go on. You need to realize the fact that you threw away two years of your precious life for someone who doesn't care about you.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
You should not be anxious if you're just a friend. Why do you care? Is he your boyfriend?
Why do you post here about this guy. I would not waste my time on girl whom I wanted her to be my girlfriend Or something more than a friend like friends with benefits. Its obvious.
He’s not interested. Take the hint and leave him alone. Do NOT respond if he chases after you when you cut him off. It’s just an attention thing. Focus on yourself.
Leave it alone. Don't waste your time. he's not interested in making anything more than whatever y'all already had. Let that be the last time you hit him up. If he wants to talk, let him contact you.
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