If your girl goes thru your text messages and emails, is she in the wrong, or is that stuff allowed?

[WeaponZero]

I've had a lot of friends who had big arguments start between them and their girlfriends because their girlfriends went digging thru their private stuff like text messages and e-mails and found something that made them suspect he was cheating, though it eventually turned out to be nothing in most cases. My thing is.

What right does she have to go thru this stuff? Is nothing private in a relationship? I don't care how long we've been together, the second I find out she's been going thru my shit, I kick her to the curb. I don't put up with that. It's just plain lack of respect. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Girls, what's your opinion on the matter? and Guys, how would YOU feel if your girl went thru your shit and made a big deal out of something she found that turned out to be nothing?

[crossroad]

i can say it is very important for you,(doesnt apply to all,everyone is different) to tell the girl about your snooping rules before you even begin the relationship.

relationship involves two different people,means two different beliefs and way of thiking.

we have no control of others actions.(not all people have trusting nature),gut could be true or could be not.its a feeling you just feel without even knowing its coming.

it would be so unfair to her when after being in the relationship for long time,she gets kicked to the curb just for being noosy.:) try to put yourself in her situation if possible.(subconsciously you know if she has reason to snoop or not).

this is reality in relationships, "SNOOPING" as to learn plainly the unspoken truth.(bad or good) meaning its biggie if its bad and "thanks god" nothing to worry about if its clear.

a girlfriend or boyfriend is 95% snoop only to find out if you're cheating or not,or if you're worth their trust.they mostly don't care about other stuff in there involving family and friends.

this is true for the fact that most people that has their bfs passwords,house keys,car keys, and vice versa "feels less the urge to snoop" sounds creepy but that's the fact.

but if you really think snooping is not your cup of tea,tell her honest ly that she's going to the curb when she do,(STRAIGHT AND STRONG).then the decision is up to her.obviously the stuff you're hiding is worthy than her in this case.whatever her decision I just hope for the better of both o yas.cuz sometimes we only know a things importance when they're gone already.

i believe in "privacy" but I don't get mad if he snoop on me or make it a big issue if everything I am hiding are just nothing.(diffent when you're about to be caught on a fishy secret) :)

if I'm hiding something about my family and friends that doesn't involve him.i show it to him if he really needed to know because its driving him nuts thinking what it is( you don't need to just because I do).most of the time he desnt even care.my goal is peace and success for relationship so let there be.

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

Honestly, me and my husband have each other's passwords and don't care if the other goes through because we know we have nothing to hide. ONCE I did go through his myspace, because we have a fiancee who's quite the little floozy, and she told me she's been trying to add him as a friend. He's already had a wife in the troop try to start a scandal with him, and we didn't need another one and I went through his myspace to see what exactly she had said to him in her message, and it was a little.suggestive. So I deleted it and I told him I did. We both know who's on our phones and who's in our e-mail address books and who's our friends on myspace. He's gone through my text messages, I've gone through his. Not to look for anything but just for fun. We'll sit there and joke about a text message, and we'll use the "what are you going through my stuff" line for fun. But neither one of us really cares. We believe it's wrong to hide anything in a relationship, and if you get pissed about your significant other going through your shit.you obviously have something to hide.

[WeaponZero]

Actually it hasn't happened to me yet, I just think it's wrong. I do have things I would like to keep to myself but they don't pertain to her or to us in any way and frankly I believe I should be allowed to keep those things to myself.

[WeaponZero]

Also, I disagree with the whole "privacy means having something to hide" mentality. It's that mentality that's responsible for the misunderstandings my friends have gone through with their girlfriends. Having something you'd like to keep to yourself doesn't mean you're cheating or being dishonest, and frankly if you do believe that, then you're just plain narcissistic.

[WeaponZero]

Because it's believing that everything in the man's life, including his personal life, revolves around you or pertains to you when it doesn't. Is it wrong for a man to want to keep things hidden that have nothing to do with his girlfriend or girls or relationships in general? There's much, much, much, MUCH more to life than the goings on between a man and a woman. And maybe the things he wants to keep to himself involve those.

[WeaponZero]

Example: I have an uncle who has a job that requires him to go out of town for one week a month, and because he likes to keep his work at work, he chooses not to tell his wife anything that goes on during the week when he's gone, and she respects that so she doesn't ask. And they're happy. Does that mean he's cheating? I think that if you are seriously even asking this question just based on that, then you should also be questioning your own mental state, because that is paranoia.

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

Hey whoa dude! I'm not saying people have to be this way. This is just how it works for us.

[lildessie3]

i would never do that to a guy. and I yelled at my friend for even asking my boyfriend if he was talking or cheating .so no DEFINALTY NOT EMAILS! damn that's like private stuff. but wow um mannn if you like the girl don't just kick her to the curb like she's a piece of dirt. but talk to her about it were all human and all have the right to learn from mistakes or recover from possible past traumitizing, or emotiionaly damaging past experiences.in big terms. if it bothers you that much then tell all of your girls ahead of time that if they go through your "stuff" that there will be endings in the relationship.

[AJtogo]

Being up front at the beginning of a relationship; Would that be like saying, "you can get to know me, but I'm not telling you everything, so don't bother to ask"?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I got drunk one night and got into a fight, (nice start) and she forgot her phone in my car. I took it home and put it on the charger. The next day, I turned it on and opened up her texts to let her roomate know I had her phone. Now, that being said, when I opened her texts and looked on the first page of names of people she's texted, I saw me, her roomate, her mom, her mom's boyfriend, her brother, some random dudes name, her best friend and her cousin, I couldn't help myself. The last text that was displayed beneath random dudes name said, "I'll see you later sexy". How do you not click on that? You bet your ass I clicked on that. This isn't "A Few Good Men". Also, I've been in a relationship where a girl was super protective of her texts and emails and I never once violated her privacy even though I always kinda suspected. I have respect for privacy and I have nothing to hide. I am honest and faithful. I will explain all of my actions if asked you can read my texts if you feel like killing an afternoon sometime.

[AJtogo]

Doesn't bother me in the least. I have nothing to hide or even raise suspicion. If it makes her feel safer in our relationship then she can go through it all she wants to.

I can't think of anything that I would have in email or text that I wouldn't want or even care if she saw.

[smartsexycool21]

Awww I like you.......your a good guy

[WeaponZero]

Not even lets say, family troubles regarding another family member who confided in you and doesn't want YOUR woman brought into THEIR drama?

[ItsMe]

YOU ROCK!!!

[AJtogo]

Sorry guy, but there should be no secrets between you and your significant other. Actually, I would think that it's a bit wrong of your family member to confide in you and then expect you to hide it from your gf.

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

That's actually a very good point. It's not fair of someone to confide in you and ask you to keep it from someone your in a serious relationship. Most of my girlfriends I may confide in tell me that they won't tell their husbands, but if they ask, their sorry but they refuse to lie. I'm the same way. If a girlfriend confides in me, I tell her I won't tell my husband, but if he find out I will not jepordize me marriage over it.

[AJtogo]

Lol, I have told people in the past that if you don't want my girlfriend to know then don't tell me. We both know how to keep confidences, but not from each other.

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

A lot of people work that way. I mean, I'm not gonna run and tell hubby what my girlfriend said, but if he asks and I lie, he's gonna think "what else has she lied about?" and it's not worth it.

[WeaponZero]

I can see where your point of view would work in a perfect world where everything went as planned, but that isn't the case. The simple fact is this: while your significant other may be family to you, she may not be considered in that same light by your parents/siblings, thus is not "welcome" in your family's drama/business/dirty laundry. If you can't respect that then you need to choose between your siginificant other and your family.

[WeaponZero]

The logical choice would be to simply respect your family's wishes and not bring your wife/girlfriend into their business. If my wife/girlfriend could not respect that my sister, my parents, did not want her involved in their business, even if I did get involved, then that shows she did not respect my family and did not respect me. To include her in whatever is going on against the wishes of my family would lead to me no longer being a part of that family.

[AJtogo]

I think we'll have to agree to disagree on this matter; but allow me one last comment. This situation has a "mafia" overtone to it, where the family and their wishes are more important than your bf/gf. If any disrespect is being shown here, it comes from you and your family and directed at your gf. I'm also failing to see how your girlfriend knowing this would affect her, you, your sister, or your family; it's all going to come out anyway. Three people can keep a secret if two are dead.

[WeaponZero]

I don't mean to imply mafia or involvement in crime. All I'm saying is that one thing I've learned in life is that just because you get married or fall in love doesn't mean your significant other will be accepted by your family, and if she isn't, then you should respect your family's wishes about keeping her out of family drama that you may get dragged into.

[WeaponZero]

I don't mean to say you're wrong, just that it seems like it's something that could only work in a "perfect world scenario." So many things would have to be right involving my family and my friends that just aren't in the real world for that scenario to be able to apply. I would never, and could never, allow my girlfriend to get mixed up in my family drama. If I could I would keep her from ever meeting my family, but that just isn't realistically feasible.

[maebaby]

It seems as if your specific problem is your girlfriend knowing your fams business, not her going thru ur stuff. in a serious enough relationship, you should be able to share family problems with ur gf, but if uve only been with the girl a short time its none of her business.if she has any decency, shed stop reading a family-related msg once she realized what it was.that is if she didn't recognize the family memebers name before even opening the msg.personally,i confide all in my boyfriend for all the problems I face.

[thelittlethings]

I never went through my exes phone until the day he text someone for two hours straight and every time he'd grab his phone he'd say something stupid like "wonder what time it is" or "I wonder if it died yet" He kept texting but would say something like that thinking he was being sneaky. I asked him for an hour what he was hiding. He wouldn't tell me and asking obviously wasn't working so yep, I snooped. I don't even feel bad for it. He was texting some girl saying he wished he was with her instead of me and he couldn't wait to f*** her again. He had naked pics of her and the whole nine yards. And yeah, he got a nice black eye.

I have been with my new man for six months and never once touched his phone. When it rings I don't even look who it is, even if he is showering or something. I could care less who is calling or texting him. Until the day comes that he does something to make me wonder, I will leave his phone alone. So yes, sometimes people do have the right, as long as they have the reason.

[beachlover]

Thats why girls may check through their guys things because things lik this can happen so ya....u gata b a little suspicious sometimes

[Anonymous]

i have personally been in this situation. yes I did it.i admit it! and I don't regret it either. You may ask why? well he was receiving phone calls in the middle of the night, chatting with females on the net and guarding the computer like a crazy baboon when ever I merely walked by, called one time and he he had some chick over his house late at night.talking bout it was his cousin. BS I got down to the bottom of things and my scavaging thru his things lead to the truth. he was cheating. if I don't see any signs of infidelity then I don't go thru his things but if I do I am going to do it, find out the secrets he is guarding and get the h out of there( the relationship). I feel that if a man really cares about me and has nothing to hide, it won't be that big of a deal. I have had guys who are very open to me and those are the ones that earn my trust. I admit I have trust issues I been thru a lot rape, molestation,cheating boyfriend that messed me up so bad I can't have kids. I WONT PLAY THE FOOL ANYMORE. if a guy has a problem with it , he can gladly leave, and save me the heartache and trouble.

[Opinion Owner]

I will glady open the front door , hand him his things, and give a push in right direction. thanks

[WeaponZero]

My question is tho, what if the things he's hiding from you aren't anything that has to do with infidelity? what if its family problems that, out of respect for his other family members, he keeps from you?

[Opinion Owner]

Thats different.. its not like I am always going thru his stuff. Only when there are as many things going on as I described that would suggest cheating. I mean come on!, read what I described who would think he was cheating. That's when I might go thru his phone, only for that purpose........in most instances the only way a woman or MAN finds out his "love" is cheating or doing wrong is to snoop thru their stuff.

[LishaJones]

I can totally relate to this.I too WAS one of those girls you are talking about. With my exhusband! He was very secretive and hide everything from me. In a marriage nothing should be a secret or kept from the other. In my thinking, I went through his text, emails, and such! I did however find that he was cheating and that he had a habit of talking to younger females.( like he was 24 talking to 15 and 16 years old).tell them they were pretty and how he wasnt married and didn't have kids which in fact he was and did. So, sure I felt guilty for doing it but at least I found out the truth and things my ex was doing. When I first got back into the dating scene this was a big problem for me. I wanted to know. I feel that if the man has nothing to hide then he will be more then willing to share his text emails and etc with his girlfriend.

No, not all girls use it to catch their men cheating.it also helps to reassure us that you guys are being faithful. It means a lot to us girls when you are willing to show us those private things in your life or what was once a part of your life. Once we have full trust in the men in our lives then we stop caring so much about going through our mens personal things. However I do agree it is disrespectful and dishonest.

[Anonymous]

This is how I feel. I will not violate a guy's privacy for no reason, or snoop just to be nosy. But if I have strong suspicions and a reason to believe he's being unfaithful yes I will snoop and not feel bad about it. A cheater isn't going to come out and tell you, "Hey I am sleeping with the girl who works at the supermarket" but he sure as hell can pass off a disease onto you!

Say you're driving down the road and a cop notices that you're suspicious. Maybe you're swerving and could possibly be under the influence of alcohol. What is the cop going to do? Pull you over and probably give you a breathalyzer. He's not gonna say, well I trust and respect you as a private citizen so I'll just take your word for it lol. if I have a good reason to believe the guy is cheating I will look for proof or evidence confirming it. Most of the time when someone snoops they are going to find something so hey the ends justify the means.

I'm not gonna wait until sores start popping up on my body for me to be like "Wait a minute? He might be cheating on me" lol so yeah only in extreme circumstances. I feel like if I was cheating on a guy and he decided to take matters into my own hands I would deserve the breach of privacy because he had the right to know anyway

[waterbaby]

I did it. my bad.

.and it was because I was insecure in the relationship. I felt something was going on, and I talked to my boyfriend about it - he offered me his password to email. I think it was a dare, thinking I wouldn't take him up on it, but I did. Although he did a great job cleaning up his "in" box, he didn't think to clean up his "sent" box, which is where I found a series of emails that confirmed my worst fear - actually, worse than my worst fear. Not just another woman, but several other women over a one year period.

To be honest, I felt icky doing it. I agree with some of the other comments - if you have that big of a concern, perhaps you shouldn't be in the relationship in the first place. I was happy to have been validated because I thought I was going crazy, but next time I'll just listen to that little inner voice a little closer and end things before it gets to that point.

Hope the perspective from this side of the fence helps a little. We do stupid things sometimes when we fear losing someone we love. Doesn't make it right. but part of being human is accepting that we're inherently flawed and learning from our mistakes.

cheers all :)

[ms-independent]

HELL NO IT'S NOT ALLOWED! THAT'S JUST CALLED BEING PSYCHO! OMG I'M A GIRL AND I GO THROUGH THE SAME SHIT! MY BOYFRIEND GOES THROUGH MY PHONE AND MY TEXT MESSAGES AND IT REALLY PISSES ME OFF! BUT WHEN I JOKE WITH HIM THAT IMMA GO THROUGH HIS PHONE HE THROWS A FIT ABOUT IT! I THINK ITS JUST GUILTY CONSCIENTS! TO AVOID ARGUING WITH HIM OVER THE STUPIDEST THING EVER HE TOLD ME TO CALL MY GUY FRIENDS AND PUT THEM ON SPEAKER PHONE TO PROVE TO HIM THAT THEY REALLY DONT HAVE ANYTHING GOING ON WITH ME, AND I DID. I THINK ITS REALLY SCANDLOUS THAT HE'S LIKE THAT! I HONESTLY HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM AND WE'VE ONLY BEEN TOGETHER FOR 5 MONTHS ON AND OFF! WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM? NEVER HAVE I DONE ANYTHING WRONG TO MAKE HIM THINK I HAVE SOMEONE ELSE ON THE SIDE.TILL THIS DAY HE STILL SIT THERE ACCUSING ME OF HAVING A BUNCH OF GUYS HERE AND THERE. I MEAN JUST BECAUSE I'M ATTRACTIVE TO MOST GUYS DOESNT MEAN I'M JUST GONNA GO AND HAVE SEX WITH THEM. HOW DO I MAKE HIM REALIZE HE'S THE ONLY ONE AND SHUT HIM UP ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT REALLY ANNOYS ME! WE BROKE UP SO MANY TIMES JUST BECAUSE OF THIS SAME SITUATION! WHAT DO You THINK I SHOULD DO? BREAK UP WITH HIM FOR GOOD, I TRIED BUT HE WONT LEAVE ME ALONE ONCE I GET OVER HIM! HE TAKES EVERYTHING AS A JOKE! LITERALLY AND HE'S 20! AND I HONESTLY THOUGHT ONLY GIRLS DO THIS!

[Anonymous]

Well there is a case if you didn't give her 'permission' to- as in never gave your password to her. If you did and you guys share each others accounts, then it's out in the open and it's basically YOUR fault. So me and my guy just recently gave each other's passwords... and I did go through it. Why? Why would you give your password in the first place? It's like giving your key to your home to your girlfriend so she can stay in there. So you give it because you have nothing to hide. If it was a stranger or just a friend, you most likely would not give her the key.

However, if there was no password exchanges, then I don't think it's right at all for her to somehow hack, guess, break into your account and snoop.

As for the cellphone thing, it might be tricky because most people don't put passwords. That one seems to be more personal since the cell is actually by the person's side. You need permission to actually hold it. lol

But honestly there shouldn't be anything to hide. I did catch my boyfriend write some things to girls... I will confront him because he gave me 'the key' to read it. I gave him mine and I have nothing to hide. I might have some old messages from past loves saved in the inbox but there's nothing to hide. Then that is clearly cheating yourself if you have to hide the fact you are talking to someone or saying something to offend her/ or him.

[briekittie]

i think that its really not a big deal only because if there's nothing to hide why get so upset about? I mean if my boyfriend wants to read my messages or go threw my text to make him fill a little more secure that's fine it helps us in the end so I don't care. because like well there is no need for secrets in a relationship and I feel like if ur serious enough to be wanting to look at messages and what not then go for it because I'm not gonna risk my relationship for something studied. So if he wants to look go ahead be my guest!

[WeaponZero]

There's always a need for secrets. They could be FAMILY secrets, for instance.

[AJtogo]

Only if you're with the CIA. Even then, women are natural born espionage agents.

[briekittie]

If its a serious enough relationship there is no secrets!

[Bunnielove]

I agree with 100% briekittie^^ I don't see it as a big deal. Maybe if they had JUST started going out it would be wrong but not if it's a serious relationship.

[MoonPrincess123]

I agree with her. It's not wrong to be open with everything with your boyfriend.

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

Also if I might add, your uncles leaves for a week? My husband leaves for an entire freakin year to go fight this war. I don't MAKE him tell me everything that goes on, and I don't think he as to either. You asked opinions and I gave mine and told you how my and my husband do things. We don't go through each other's things thinking the other is hiding something. We've never once suspected the other of doing anything. It's my personal belief if you want something kept secret from someone you love so much, you probably are hiding something. Did I say it was something dishonest? No.

[WeaponZero]

And what if he did have something to hide? something that pertained maybe to family issues that she shouldn't be a part of? example: I have a sister who is going through marriage problems that she talks with me about and is contemplating getting a divorce. she leaves me voice mails and text messages pertaining to her situation that my girlfriend has no business knowing about. see my point?

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

That's up to you if you feel its ok to confide that info with her. Me and my husband tell each other literally every little detail going on in our lives. She's a girlfriend, I might add, not a wife. Remember, in my case, I'm married. I did ask my husband this morning about this question when he was online. He told me he could care less if I checked his myspace or emails. BUT...everyone is different. And like I said, I'm married, and there's a lot more trust in my case.

[AJtogo]

Wife07, I have to side with you on this. This guise of privacy just creates a wall of secrecy, and who wouldn't want to know a secret? Privacy is between acquantances and perhaps even friends and not with someone who is supposed to be sharing your life (or beginning to share your life).

[WeaponZero]

I can see where you're coming from but the thing is, you both are only thinking of secrets that pertain to the wife. if my sister confides in me about something, and I become involved in my sisters situation because of it, I would be violating my sisters trust by letting my wife know and getting her involved. being married may let you in on all HIS secrets, but what if the secrets he's keeping aren't his? THATS what I'm saying.

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

That's where trust comes in. He confides in me, yet trusts I will stay out of it and vice versa.

[WeaponZero]

Ah but it doesn't change the fact that you have no business knowing stuff that his family members or close friends may have confided in him about

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

In deed you do because when your married it is also your family. In fact, most people are close enough with their in laws that they tell them those things themselves. I don't have to look in my husabnd's emails or texts to know what's going on. In fact, his sister and parents always tell me themselves what's going on. There are things we each know the other doesn't. It's usually drama crap though. But, if the other were to find out, we trust the other to also keep it to themselves.

[WeaponZero]

That's YOUR marriage. it may not be everyone elses, or even the average familys marriage. you think that marrying him automatically gets his in laws to like or trust you? no, and I can guarantee you that with my family, my wife would never, ever be asked to get involved. if someone confides in me about something and I tell my wife, I am violating their trust.

[WeaponZero]

My wife may be my family but she is not my family's family, and therefore she would not be welcome in "family business" so to speak. that's the way my family works, and believe it or not, I'm not the only one. if my sister were to confide in me about something that she didn't want anyone else to know, not even our parents or other family members, youd be damn sure my wife would never find out. telling her would just be wrong.

[WeaponZero]

Anyway, my whole point is that just because I'm keeping secrets doesn't mean I'm cheating or being a bad boyfriend/husband. they may be secrets that don't involve my wife, things that she's better off not being involved in, which is why a right to privacy must be respected in marriage. and yes, I would end a 5 year relationship over a girl snooping thru my stuff. I keep secrets from childhood that wil go with me to the grave. a wife that doesn't respect that is simply not wife material.

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

Like I said in my original comment, just because you keep a secret doesn't mean your dishonest in any way. Do as you please, things work for different relationships. Everyone's different, it's how the world goes round.

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

It sounds like YOU have personal trust issues that you need to deal with. My in laws DO trust me and like me. Nothing wrong with that. Our marriage works this way for us. I don't care if others peoples works the opposite! You asked opinions and I gave mine.

[WeaponZero]

No real trust issues, no. But I can tell you that between my sister's husband, who is not welcome in our home or in our lives, or in our family, and my father's 15 girlfriends/wives over the past 10 years, being married or dating a part of the family doesn't make you part of the family, or welcome in family involvements.

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

Well that's your family. My husband's family sees me as family. Therefore they treat me that way. Therefore I don't have to snoop because I already know everything, and with him being deployed I actually know more about his family now than he does. Everyone's family is different. I keep stressing that yet you want to keep arguing about it. Let's just agree to disagree. :-)

[Anonymous]

Well, I used to agree with you.until I found my boyfriend communicating with HIS ex.he tried to tell me I was being silly and reading into things too much.but I know what I saw. I ended up staying with him for a year after that, but I'll tell you this much.it was what ruined our relationship. I had NO trust after that. I guess the reality is, if there's no trust, there's no relationship, but if there's nothing to hide, then you wouldn't be offended for someone reading your stuff. Just my opinion!

[WeaponZero]

But the point is that there are valid things to keep hidden form your significant other, like things other people have confided in you about, such as close friends and family members

[Opinion Owner]

And in all honesty....I did not read a SINGLE e-mail from anyone...except her..and only because I saw her name popping up all the time and it drove me nuts. But even though there were many others to read, I didn't. I respect his privacy with regard to other people...but when I saw that with the ex, it was a little too fishy for me.

[Sassafras]

I think it depends...for example, if the partner has cheated in the past, or there are reasonable suspicions, I would support either the male or female playing detective. If he or she has nothing to hide, it shouldn't be an issue.

That being said, I think trust is important in a relationship, and if he or she has never done anything to make you wrongly accuse them...you shouldn't be doing that. It's an unnecessary invasion of privacy. It would be better to confront them to their face if you have concerns.

It also depends on what they other person is going through. In past relationships, I've had no problem with my boyfriend going through my phone stuff or texting - I had nothing to hide, I didn't care. Email I was a bit more touchy about, because sometimes you may be confiding in a friend about relationship problems or something. But my personal journal/diary was always a no-no.

[ItsMe]

I don't care. Hell if my boyfriend feels he need to go threw my phone and ish I don't care. he can do what he pleases. I'm not about to lose him because he's going threw my things. I just laugh and ask him if he found anything and he says, "I wasn't lookin" and he probably wasnt. And it's vice versa. I have nothing to hide and if it makes him feel better bout our relationship it's whateva. I don't know why people see that as an invasion of privacy. I mean yes have some private things but a damn text message? Seriously? Is it that bad? I think not

::TOTALLY MY OPINION I DONT NEED NEGATIVE FEEDBACK::

[rockmom]

being in a relationship does not mean you stop being an individual and I see lots of couples making each other miserable trying to keep tabs on everything the other does. what's the point of being in a relationship with someone you fear taking your eyes off of? that's not healthy. I think it mostly comes from insecurities. either the snooping partner is insecure in him/herself or the snoopee has not made his/her partner feel secure in their relationship. either way, snooping will not solve the problem. just as we have the human right to have a private conversation in person, we have the right to private mail and phone conversations. it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong or hiding anything. if there was a category for best question, this would get my vote =)

[Midwestbeauty444]

I think that if you take a LITLE peak into his phone it's fine just to check out what's going on! I've done that to my man before and he didn't freak out he just simply answered my question "who is so so" and I was like ok fine! no biggie! he's NEVER gone through my phone we have EXTREME trust and faithfulness in our relationship! but sometimes I DO look in his phone! but I mean you CANT know what your bf.gf is doing at ALL times when they aren't with you all you can do it trust that they won't cheat on you!

[Bunnielove]

It depends for me. If you are just starting to go out and the relationship is new then nobody should be going through eachothers stuff. But if you have been going out for a while, that is a different story. If there is nothing to hide, then why get mad about sharing things. If you love the person and have been together there shouldn't be any boundaries like that. My husband has all my passwords, and I have his. He can go through my things and I can go through his. There is nothing to hide. If he made a big deal about me casually looking at a text message that just arrived that would give me MORE cause to doubt him. It would be like adding fuel to the flame. Then I would be more inclined to dig deeper to see if anything was going on. But that isn't how it is between us.

[Seenthatmovietoo]

Privacy is what each party respects it to be.

Married 20+ years and my wife better not go through my wallet, text, email etc or she will have to deal with whatever she finds as I refuse to apologize for my life whether it gets her approval or not. If she reads something that she doesn't like then she is in double trouble since I don't apolgize and now she has it eat at her from the inside.

And to show fair respect I will not go through her purse, even if I KNOW my keys are in it. Instead I bring it to her and let her get them out. Same applies to her text or email. If she wants me to know then she'll tell me.

If you don't respect each others privacy then all bets are off and I, for one, am not interested in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect my privacy. We have precious little else and no one needs to know EVERYTHING about me.

Good luck.

[hollywood009]

i use to go thru my girls texts and e-mails and ever her myspace page. I found many things that led me to beleve she was cheating...turned out it was nothing and my trust of her grew to the point where now I don't go thru any of her stuff. I feel its fine because if you have nothing to hide then it will all work out. If you are hiding something then you shouldt be wasteing ur girl or guys time with a relationship. you can't expect someone to trust you blindly right away because if they do 9 times out of 10 they end up getting hurt

[angelsunrise81]

I don't think a girlfriend should be going through her boyfriends emails and txt messages. If the relationship is that unstable that she feels the need to do this then the relationship should end; Because the jealousy and lack of trust is gonna get worse the further into the relationship gets! especially if they're stealing your passwords and so on, I had a boyfriend who did this to me so I wanted to see how crazy he would get so I put a password on my cell phone needless to say he went as far as calling verizon and having my phone reset then went through my phone records. BUT don't hide things from one another if your talking to girls tell her or vise versa(sure she'll get jealous and be mad for a day, but it's better than letter her find out on her own and beat the crap outta ya for nothing!).

[girlygirl6]

In my opinion it's not ok to go through each other's texts or emails, but if you have nothing to hide it shouldn't bother you so much. My boyfriend constantly gets my phone and "messes" with it, but I know he's checking my contacts, messages, and even my pictures! LOL I think it's so dam funny because I don't have anything to hide and when he has found messages from other guys, they are pretty innocent messages from friends of mine. Nothing to get too upset about. On the other hand, I have never asked to see his phone or even looked through it behind his back, because I think it shows insecurity and I'm so not insecure. I'll leave the jealousness to him.LOL because I know I'm a catch and I trust that he won't be stupid enough to let me go. But if he keeps it up I'm gonna eventually ask to see his and I know he won't like that!

[darlanoy0510]

I would never go through my boyfriend's private things because I don't want him to go through my private things too. I was taught to respect people's private property and if he is going to cheat on me, I rather try to catch thru him his behaviors and words. I don't see anything wrong with your actions. If she can't trust you now, when is she going to start to trust you. Also how you know she is not going through your private things again. Clearly she doesn't trust you period. IF you don't trust each other and don't respect each other, then no point in continuing the relationship.

[missh08]

well I was insecure with my boyfriend and no matter how much he told me he loved me and he only wanted me, I still looked on his facebook and saw a conversation with a certain 'friend' of his that turned out to be something he wanted a little than more with. so in all honesty I don't see why it should be such an issue if your girlfriend wishes to look through your emails baring in mind you have nothing to hide. if you have got something to hide then you must question weather a relationship is what you really want.

[WeaponZero]

The whole thing is, there are cases and points where a person does have things to hide, they just aren't things that pertain to his relationships. just because my girlfriend is my girlfriend doesn't entitle her to know all of the secrets my friends and family confide in me about.

the main issue is that the girl assumes that keeping secrets equals cheating, and that's just not the case. who says the secrets the guy is keeping are his secrets?

[orli623]

OMG, ok this is just not a good idea, I mean I've had a guy do this to me and it made me feel like crap and like he didn't trust me! He got my phone - I had texts from really good friends but there was nothing wrong with that, he got into my facebook and email accounts as well and went through those... :( I was NOT happy!

FYI - I decided to get back at him by doing the same to him... found out that he had been cheating on me! that was the end of him!

even though I found out he was cheating I would not recomend ANYONE reading their boy/girlfriends messages, it's just not a good idea... how come no-one has trust anymore (including my ex!)

[cricket11]

YES its wrong. your stuff is your stuff... everyone needs their privacy. just because you want privacy doesn't mean you're hiding anything. I don't want some guy reading my text messages to my girlfriends about how crampy and bloated I am from my period or that I woke myself up from farting in my sleep and I think my boyfriend heard it. HA! just some stuff, you want to keep to yourself.

most of the time, those type of girls are bored and looking to stir up drama because nothing else cool is going on in their lives. they usually aren't worth keeping around anyhow.

[breakingstyles91]

I didn't think they had the right to do it but I guess they'll find a way to make sure that you aren't cheating. What's ironic is if guys looked through their private stuff, they would have some unhappy girlfriends. I guess respect for the guy does not apply here. Women get away without of stuff and that's one of the things. What's even more infuriating is usually the women that do this are the ones cheating themselves so if you're cheating it gives them a reason to dump you. I would feel violated and it has happened more times than I can count. Perhaps, this is one of the things that is compromised in a relationship.

[ColoradoSoundsNice]

It's wrong. Trust issues. I admit, in my younger years I've done it , feeling and knowing it was a violation of trust/privacy. I'm talking serious relationships, live-with boyfriends where marriage was an on-the-table discussion - they weren't flings. It is NEVER ok in short-term or new relationships - it's not the other person's business. In my case, what I was looking for - I already knew so it was stupid and pointless. But that's besides the issue. Most women know when they are "being had" and having proof may not make their lives, or decisions any easier. I've felt very uncomfortable when someone has looked through my stuff, because I'm wondering where their head and trust is at, and it makes me wonder about the longevity of the relationship. I'm sure guys (including my ex-boyfriends) feel similarly.

[mikenice8]

Yes she's in the wrong, because for some reason text messages are sacred. It's the same as if we were to look in a girls text message, she probably would be just as pissed. I wouldn't kick her to the curb, but there would be some serious talking to do.

True story: my ex was black and I went through her text messages once, and she refereed to me as the "white boy" I never brought it up, but it definitely changed my opinion towards our relationship. I ended up breaking up with her the next week anyways, for other reasons as well.

Basically, most text messages are written privately and are intended for only one other person to see. Which is why we turn away when someone looks over are shoulder to see what we're writing.

[loopylisa7]

even though I asked a question about txts on my fellas phone I agree that it is wrong.

I think things can be blown out of proportion and it causes a lot of trouble. I know if my fella went thru my phone he would find txts of my ex saying where are you? Now to my boyfriend this would look sooooooo god damn bad that he would probably end it there and then. But I know the txts were actually asking where I was in a nightclub so he could borrow a cigarette off me.

The txts I found were very suspicious but knowing my boyfriend I think its safe to say he hasn't been up to no good. I won't be going thru his phone again, because that's his personal domain, its the only thing he has to himself so why should I take that privacy away from him, just the way he shouldnt do it to me.

I made a mistake Please people, don't follow suit.

[ItsMe]

I don't think it's really a big deal... I'm sure you don't do it all the time

[alteran87]

going through someones email or text is just plain wrong. I mean, you aren't allowed to go through their normal mail, so why should email and text be any different. besides, do you really wanna know what ur boyfriend talks about with his buddies. or stumble upon ur girlfriend talking about her monthly with her friends.

now, I will mess with a guys phone and change his ringer to barbie girl or a britney spears. maybe throw some backstreet or N'sync in there so mess with him. and change the language to japanese or german knowing that he speaks neither.

but I'd never go through his messages.

[saklea]

Hahaha you change his tone to barbie girl? that's cool lol

[Littletad]

When your in a relation ship, your in a commitment. My ex used to go through my phone simply to use it. She never looked, but she did see my phone alot. And there was nothing to hide. My guess is, if your complaining that she's going through your phone, it means more or less you have something to hide, or you simply want to be in a relationship but have a few stipulations.

[WeaponZero]

Dont have anything to hide no I just think its wrong and disrespectful.

[WeaponZero]

Im also very secretive about my art and writing. I don't want anyone seeing it.

[Littletad]

We'll nothing wrong with an opinion, but I'm guessing you feel this way among other things too. And that usually is for a person who prefers his own space and most likely being single. Remember that a girlfriend is a change in ALL priorities in your life. I'm not saying she will be with you and nag every appliance you own, but it's a good possibility she will feel she is allowed to touch some stuff.

[WeaponZero]

I don't prefer being single I just have boundaries that I don't want anybody crossing, not even a wife or a girlfriend. and there's certain things I don't put up with. like for example my computer, my motorcycle, my guitar, or anything electronic that I own.

[blondie45]

While I don't think its right to go thru someone else's things, if you have nothing to hide, and it makes her feel better about the situation, what's the harm? I'm a very open and honest person, if someone I was seeing ask to look, it wouldn't bother me at all. So you have to question yourself moreso than her, why does it bother YOU.? something to ponder on!

[WeaponZero]

Because I may have things to hide that concern family and friends, stuff that she shouldn't be involved in. It doesn't mean I'm cheating. Like I said in some previous comments, I may have a reason to keep secrets that don't concern our relationship. An example would be my sister confiding in me about leaving her husband and doesn't want anyone else knowing.

[tyrantfuryre]

The way I see it a girlfriend will go through your texts or emails for 1 of 3 reasons.

1- Insecure

2- She doesn't trust you/thinks you're up to something or lying

3- She wants to see how you treat and or act with/to friends and or other people

Would it bother me or how would it bother me? Depends on how she reacted towards it. Breaking up with them strictly because of this? No way. That's a little extreme. If she came at me full throttle multiple times ready to rip my throat out for nothing or taking something the wrong way she read..yeah then I may dump her.

[the-love-guru]

I'm not saying it's right, but there's a reason she's doing it. Either she suspects you're cheating based off your behavior, or she's been cheated on in the past. Either way, reassure her that you respect your relationship, and that she should as well. Also, let her know that you have all your needs met by her. Often, insecure women do this and it's a sign of immaturity. Perhaps you should decide if you're willing to put up with this behavior. Because if she doesn't stop, you'll have to learn to live with it.

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Yeah I'd say its a turn-off. Shows how insecure she is. Takes away your freedom..

My woman is a Sagittarius. Totally different brand of woman flesh. I like this one alot, because she gives me hella freedom, and she's totally kool. Plus she's smart and sexy, but you have to know how to play the game with these ones, because if you try to reign em in too soon they buck. They run like wild horses. But if you romance em, and treat em really special like...well...at the very least it'll last a while.

So what was I saying:? oh yeah...so, no, it would definately suck if a woman went through my stuff and got jealous over nothing. It'd break it off pretty quick. Find myself a December woman.

Sagittarius Capricorns Rock yo!

[BirdofParadise]

I am ashamed to admit that I have gone through my ex's messages only to find out he had been seeing another girl behind my back. We had been together for a long time and I never cared to look at his private messages until he started becoming distant and I suspected he met someone else. He began being more secretive and whenever he wrote to her, he would look to see where I was and what I was doing.

I think though that a girl will never go through your stuff if you don't give her reason to and if you have nothing to hide then there really shouldn't be a problem at all. And what you said about family stuff, well really in an open and loving relationship people communicate and know what is going on in the others life. My boyfriends have always known about issues I have with my family because I think it's important they understand if something is bothering me.

[MoonPrincess123]

I don't see it as completely wrong (talking about other girls) sometimes they want to know what their guy is thinking. Looking through e-mail/texting/ect. isn't always negative. Maybe they want to know what the guy really felt like last night during sex. Something like that. Reading some posts, some of you think it's the worst thing to do in a relationship! A little crazy conclusions, but they're opinions. We all have them.

[maebaby]

if you don't want her going thru your shit, don't give her your passwords.

me and my boyfriend have each others passwords to everything, but I only check it if maybe I've sent an angry email that I now regret and want to delete before he reads it lol is that bad?

frankly you shouldnt care because its not like you have anything to hide anyways, right?

[SuperFlanker]

I don't have anything to hide.as far as I'm concerned she's a part of me and If I didn't trust her in the least.whats the point of a relationship? Personally I'd think it would be hysterically if I caught her snooping in my stuff.I'd be amused and frankly she might actually find some good surprises.like for example that piece of paper I kept hidden away that has her handwritten phone number .or maybe a note of hers . and she might learn something new about me she would have never realized.

[TreborPeridot]

Well, first I'd be angry and annoyed that she distrusts me enough to violate my privacy.

Next, I'd wonder how the hell did the relationship reach the point where she feels that she has to spy on me.

Was it that I've been giving her reason to suspect me? Is she being all needy and dramatic?

I'll have to talk it over with and see what's going on.

But trust isn't easy to gain once broken, and if you gain trust again, it's never the same as before.

If she violated my privacy once, who's to say she won't do it again. She's already proven to me that she's capable of doing so. Makes you wonder what else she's capable of.

Simply put: Gotta have trust, respect, and communication in a relationship. If she's reduced herself to spying on you, your relationship doesn't have these things. It won't be a happy relationship, and it's destined to sink.

[pearl1979]

For me I would not go through my guys stuff. If I had suspicions like good ones like an eye for an eye and to settle it once and for all then I would but I wouldn't bring it up. Its like when you know something is wrong I mean know not feel you analyze everything. Randomly just checking isn't good because aaumptions come and someone gets hurt.

[Ms_buzzkillington]

ok ok well here is the deal. it has a lot to do with "trust" if there is trust and you have never done anything to her to make her not trust you then its a problem. but if for example you have cheated on her or to some extent of cheating and you are trying to work things out if there is nothing to hide then you should have no problem with it.. on the other hand it can also be that she is feeling guilty because she is doing something wrong via email or text and wants to make it seem that its you then that's where the problem stands, now and days you kinda can't trust anyone ya know.. tuff tuff..

[RedneckGirl-06]

Yes the girl is in the wrong if she didn't have permission.no one has the right to go through someone elses emails or text messages.how ever tempting it may be.if it were fliped I promise you the other person would be pissed at the act and the accusation of cheating.

[DamZelNdisTress24]

No female has a right to go thru their man's shit. and I'm sure if tables wer turned theyd be all pissy. imyself would be hot if my man went thru my shit. if a woman thinks her man is cheating on her she should just confront him. that's how grownups do.

[temptationfalls]

I agree with you completely. goes the other way around too

[thelittlethings]

Like they are going to admit they are cheating when you confront them. Sometimes you have to find out for yourself.

[jessi-rabbit08]

personally I would NEVER do that to a guy. If I wouldn't want him going through mine then why would I do that to my boyfriend. So my answer would be NO.

hope it helps. just know you aren't the only one in the world who likes privacy. and if a girl asked to look or looked at you myspace or whatever then make her let you see hers. Its only fair right?.lol anyways that's how I feel.

[AJtogo]

So it is ok to look as long as there's mutual agreement? You show me yours and I'll show you mine kind of thing?

[jessi-rabbit08]

For me I wouldn't want to know because I am going to be in a relationship with someone who I trust and hopefully they would trust me.. I have nothing to hide. but I do think that both having the chance is better than one. I don't plan on ever finding out though.

[TheoryOfAvarice]

I agree, it is a lack of respect. I know I wouldn't want my guy going through my e-mails or anything (not like I'd have anything to hide, it's just the privacy thing). Plus, you might misinterpret something that you find when snooping. It's just better left avoided in my opinion.

[AJtogo]

What's an example of something that might be misinterpreted? I can't think of anything.

[TheoryOfAvarice]

Well, I'll use my ex as an example. We were hanging out this one time and he got a text from his one friend who needed help. I got curious and I was watching him scroll through his texts, and a LOT of them were from this girl Alyssa. I'm sure if I would've gone through and read them all, I would've suspected something (to me she always seemed a bit too flirty with him). So yeah. That's really all I can think of. But you never know I guess.

[AJtogo]

Well that's not misinterpreted because you didn't read them. The texts may have been perfectly clear if you had read them.

[TheoryOfAvarice]

As I said. You never know.

[Shlei3]

I don't think it's right to do that. I think it's very very wrong to do that in fact. If you are in a relationship you should have the trust and the self confidence to not want to go through the phone of the other person. If you can't trust them with their emails, texts and whatnot than there is not a lot of hope for the relationship.

[goofyjen28]

girls that do that are so dumb...m I trust my man enough to give him his privacy as he gives me...if you don't trust him then have a chat about your trust issues, don't just go through his stuff..thats just wrong...no one likes it if someone were to go through their personal belongings so why do it.

[homeboy]

This is a very touchy subject because a lot of guys give girls reasons to be suspicious. I think its a complete violation of personal space but if you want to keep trust in the relationship then sometimes it may be helpful. I would feel wronged if it was done to me but I wouldn't be totally opposed to if asked.

link

[IrishMetal]

i totally understand how you feel, I've had girlfreinds who have done that, and my crush even stole my phone one day and looked through it, I don't get why girls are so paranoid that we would cheat on them, if anything constantly looking through someones private info will ruin the relationship. However once you get married nothing is private, but before that girls need to calm down and not think a message between freinds is some kind of secret love messages.

[Hughman]

Massive respect dude for you attitude.

I agree fully. I have a right to privacy. Doesn't matter if I have nothing to hide or not. If my girl doesn't trust or respect me before we shack up, then what kind of a bitch is she going to be when we do? No thanks.

[unfedone]

That depends if you have given her a reason to not trust you. If she's just suspicious in nature, explain that you love her and are committed to her and that you don't appreciate her digging into your things.

The thing to keep in mind is that the minute a guy is suddenly possessive over phone, internet, etc then the girl goes into defense mode and is on the hunt looking for who you're cheating with. It's a natural insecurity that stems from jealousy. If you've given her a reason to not trust you in the past, and you really want the relationship, then pony up, show your phone...be open and honest for a few months and build the trust back. Swallow the pride and show her you love her by resting her insecurities and allowing her to focus on loving you again.

If you haven't given her reason to think you are cheating in the past - then, if you love her, make an appointment for some couples counseling and help her work through her insecurities.

[Ozarkhoney]

I think that it depend on the situation. If your just being nosey then it is wrong. But my husband gave me a reason to be supicios. He would stay in his car for an hour talking on the phone. If he had nothing to hide then why did he not just come in the house and talk. In my opinion this gave me a reason to check his phone records. I found out that he has been sending numerous texts to two women. 1700 last month and he is already up to 2200 this month. He also spends quit a lot of time talking to one of them when ever I am not around.

[Takkunlee]

I've done it before but now I think that it's wrong and I wouldn't do it again. I kinda figure that if I don't trust the guy I'm with then I shouldn't be with him. If I felt something was going on I would talk to him about it and trust that he's being honest. Why would anyone want to stay with someone who they don't trust?

[metaldave20]

its an invasion of privacy, its wrong, and should be dealt with in a strict manner

girls, how would you feel if we went digging through something personal of yours, like for example your purse, youd feel pretty violated right?, well no difference here

[shadowcat517]

Any girl who does that is in the definite wrong. There should be privacy in relationships, and that's an extreme violation of it. I fully agree that it's wrong, because everyone has secrets that don't need to be brought up. One of my exes always asked to go through my diary, and got pissed that I wouldn't let him.

The point is, the right to privacy is protected by the constitution, and there is no excuse for that kind of behavior.

[Akikosmile]

No one should get away with going through private messages.even if it's impossible to stop that with today's technology, anyone who does that is more blameworthy that the person who cheated or whatever.

I agree, if she goes thorugh your private material, you should dump her.

[Nutz76]

Well, the fact that they're doing it shows there is a basic lack of trust in the relationship. Regardless of whether or not that lack of trust if unfounded it's something you just shouldn't do. Communication is far better than any amount of sniffing around behind someone's back.

[maebaby]

Its not lack of trust really...its more insecurity and jealousy

[sfjenp]

I think you are absolutely right. She was in the wrong for going through their stuff. If she felt that she needed to check up on them by going through their stuff then she shouldn't be with them because that shows that she feels she can't trust them. If you feel that you can't trust someone why stay with them?

[ditzytiggsie]

She's in the wrong! I'd never do it, a) I can only stay with a guy if I trust him and if I suspect there's something going on then the relationship isn't going to work very well, and b) you just don't do it, it would be none of my business and I'm not that bothered! Talk to her, if she's insecure, reassure that there's nothing going on that she has a right to know about, if she still feel the need, the relationship is just not going to work.

[tex151]

If you don't want her going through your texts and emails, simple solution, don't let her. Say look that's my phone my email, you have no right to be looking through them. And then if she says why, is it because your cheating on me, then say no I have some personal family stuff going on that doesn't concern you, and if you don't like that tooo bad! And there you go simple as that.

[AguaPura]

Yeah, she definitely has no right looking through your personal stuff without your consent. There has to be some sense of privacy in a relationship; you're allowed to have your own life, as is she. If you on the other hand, thought you had the right to look through her personal shit then yes she does have a right to look through yours. But in this case, she owes you your privacy.