If your girl goes thru your text messages and emails, is she in the wrong, or is that stuff allowed? (Page 2)
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well I was insecure with my boyfriend and no matter how much he told me he loved me and he only wanted me, I still looked on his facebook and saw a conversation with a certain 'friend' of his that turned out to be something he wanted a little than more with. so in all honesty I don't see why it should be such an issue if your girlfriend wishes to look through your emails baring in mind you have nothing to hide. if you have got something to hide then you must question weather a relationship is what you really want.
The whole thing is, there are cases and points where a person does have things to hide, they just aren't things that pertain to his relationships. just because my girlfriend is my girlfriend doesn't entitle her to know all of the secrets my friends and family confide in me about.
the main issue is that the girl assumes that keeping secrets equals cheating, and that's just not the case. who says the secrets the guy is keeping are his secrets?
OMG, ok this is just not a good idea, I mean I've had a guy do this to me and it made me feel like crap and like he didn't trust me! He got my phone - I had texts from really good friends but there was nothing wrong with that, he got into my facebook and email accounts as well and went through those... :( I was NOT happy!
FYI - I decided to get back at him by doing the same to him... found out that he had been cheating on me! that was the end of him!
even though I found out he was cheating I would not recomend ANYONE reading their boy/girlfriends messages, it's just not a good idea... how come no-one has trust anymore (including my ex!)
YES its wrong. your stuff is your stuff... everyone needs their privacy. just because you want privacy doesn't mean you're hiding anything. I don't want some guy reading my text messages to my girlfriends about how crampy and bloated I am from my period or that I woke myself up from farting in my sleep and I think my boyfriend heard it. HA! just some stuff, you want to keep to yourself.
most of the time, those type of girls are bored and looking to stir up drama because nothing else cool is going on in their lives. they usually aren't worth keeping around anyhow.
I didn't think they had the right to do it but I guess they'll find a way to make sure that you aren't cheating. What's ironic is if guys looked through their private stuff, they would have some unhappy girlfriends. I guess respect for the guy does not apply here. Women get away without of stuff and that's one of the things. What's even more infuriating is usually the women that do this are the ones cheating themselves so if you're cheating it gives them a reason to dump you. I would feel violated and it has happened more times than I can count. Perhaps, this is one of the things that is compromised in a relationship.
It's wrong. Trust issues. I admit, in my younger years I've done it , feeling and knowing it was a violation of trust/privacy. I'm talking serious relationships, live-with boyfriends where marriage was an on-the-table discussion - they weren't flings. It is NEVER ok in short-term or new relationships - it's not the other person's business. In my case, what I was looking for - I already knew so it was stupid and pointless. But that's besides the issue. Most women know when they are "being had" and having proof may not make their lives, or decisions any easier. I've felt very uncomfortable when someone has looked through my stuff, because I'm wondering where their head and trust is at, and it makes me wonder about the longevity of the relationship. I'm sure guys (including my ex-boyfriends) feel similarly.
Yes she's in the wrong, because for some reason text messages are sacred. It's the same as if we were to look in a girls text message, she probably would be just as pissed. I wouldn't kick her to the curb, but there would be some serious talking to do.
True story: my ex was black and I went through her text messages once, and she refereed to me as the "white boy" I never brought it up, but it definitely changed my opinion towards our relationship. I ended up breaking up with her the next week anyways, for other reasons as well.
Basically, most text messages are written privately and are intended for only one other person to see. Which is why we turn away when someone looks over are shoulder to see what we're writing.
even though I asked a question about txts on my fellas phone I agree that it is wrong.
I think things can be blown out of proportion and it causes a lot of trouble. I know if my fella went thru my phone he would find txts of my ex saying where are you? Now to my boyfriend this would look sooooooo god damn bad that he would probably end it there and then. But I know the txts were actually asking where I was in a nightclub so he could borrow a cigarette off me.
The txts I found were very suspicious but knowing my boyfriend I think its safe to say he hasn't been up to no good. I won't be going thru his phone again, because that's his personal domain, its the only thing he has to himself so why should I take that privacy away from him, just the way he shouldnt do it to me.
I made a mistake Please people, don't follow suit.
I don't think it's really a big deal... I'm sure you don't do it all the time
going through someones email or text is just plain wrong. I mean, you aren't allowed to go through their normal mail, so why should email and text be any different. besides, do you really wanna know what ur boyfriend talks about with his buddies. or stumble upon ur girlfriend talking about her monthly with her friends.
now, I will mess with a guys phone and change his ringer to barbie girl or a britney spears. maybe throw some backstreet or N'sync in there so mess with him. and change the language to japanese or german knowing that he speaks neither.
but I'd never go through his messages.
Hahaha you change his tone to barbie girl? that's cool lol
When your in a relation ship, your in a commitment. My ex used to go through my phone simply to use it. She never looked, but she did see my phone alot. And there was nothing to hide. My guess is, if your complaining that she's going through your phone, it means more or less you have something to hide, or you simply want to be in a relationship but have a few stipulations.
Dont have anything to hide no I just think its wrong and disrespectful.
Im also very secretive about my art and writing. I don't want anyone seeing it.
We'll nothing wrong with an opinion, but I'm guessing you feel this way among other things too. And that usually is for a person who prefers his own space and most likely being single. Remember that a girlfriend is a change in ALL priorities in your life. I'm not saying she will be with you and nag every appliance you own, but it's a good possibility she will feel she is allowed to touch some stuff.
I don't prefer being single I just have boundaries that I don't want anybody crossing, not even a wife or a girlfriend. and there's certain things I don't put up with. like for example my computer, my motorcycle, my guitar, or anything electronic that I own.
While I don't think its right to go thru someone else's things, if you have nothing to hide, and it makes her feel better about the situation, what's the harm? I'm a very open and honest person, if someone I was seeing ask to look, it wouldn't bother me at all. So you have to question yourself moreso than her, why does it bother YOU.? something to ponder on!
Because I may have things to hide that concern family and friends, stuff that she shouldn't be involved in. It doesn't mean I'm cheating. Like I said in some previous comments, I may have a reason to keep secrets that don't concern our relationship. An example would be my sister confiding in me about leaving her husband and doesn't want anyone else knowing.
The way I see it a girlfriend will go through your texts or emails for 1 of 3 reasons.
1- Insecure
2- She doesn't trust you/thinks you're up to something or lying
3- She wants to see how you treat and or act with/to friends and or other people
Would it bother me or how would it bother me? Depends on how she reacted towards it. Breaking up with them strictly because of this? No way. That's a little extreme. If she came at me full throttle multiple times ready to rip my throat out for nothing or taking something the wrong way she read..yeah then I may dump her.
I'm not saying it's right, but there's a reason she's doing it. Either she suspects you're cheating based off your behavior, or she's been cheated on in the past. Either way, reassure her that you respect your relationship, and that she should as well. Also, let her know that you have all your needs met by her. Often, insecure women do this and it's a sign of immaturity. Perhaps you should decide if you're willing to put up with this behavior. Because if she doesn't stop, you'll have to learn to live with it.
Best of luck!
Yeah I'd say its a turn-off. Shows how insecure she is. Takes away your freedom..
My woman is a Sagittarius. Totally different brand of woman flesh. I like this one alot, because she gives me hella freedom, and she's totally kool. Plus she's smart and sexy, but you have to know how to play the game with these ones, because if you try to reign em in too soon they buck. They run like wild horses. But if you romance em, and treat em really special like...well...at the very least it'll last a while.
So what was I saying:? oh yeah...so, no, it would definately suck if a woman went through my stuff and got jealous over nothing. It'd break it off pretty quick. Find myself a December woman.
Sagittarius Capricorns Rock yo!
I am ashamed to admit that I have gone through my ex's messages only to find out he had been seeing another girl behind my back. We had been together for a long time and I never cared to look at his private messages until he started becoming distant and I suspected he met someone else. He began being more secretive and whenever he wrote to her, he would look to see where I was and what I was doing.
I think though that a girl will never go through your stuff if you don't give her reason to and if you have nothing to hide then there really shouldn't be a problem at all. And what you said about family stuff, well really in an open and loving relationship people communicate and know what is going on in the others life. My boyfriends have always known about issues I have with my family because I think it's important they understand if something is bothering me.
I don't see it as completely wrong (talking about other girls) sometimes they want to know what their guy is thinking. Looking through e-mail/texting/ect. isn't always negative. Maybe they want to know what the guy really felt like last night during sex. Something like that. Reading some posts, some of you think it's the worst thing to do in a relationship! A little crazy conclusions, but they're opinions. We all have them.
if you don't want her going thru your shit, don't give her your passwords.
me and my boyfriend have each others passwords to everything, but I only check it if maybe I've sent an angry email that I now regret and want to delete before he reads it lol is that bad?
frankly you shouldnt care because its not like you have anything to hide anyways, right?
I don't have anything to hide.as far as I'm concerned she's a part of me and If I didn't trust her in the least.whats the point of a relationship? Personally I'd think it would be hysterically if I caught her snooping in my stuff.I'd be amused and frankly she might actually find some good surprises.like for example that piece of paper I kept hidden away that has her handwritten phone number .or maybe a note of hers . and she might learn something new about me she would have never realized.
Well, first I'd be angry and annoyed that she distrusts me enough to violate my privacy.
Next, I'd wonder how the hell did the relationship reach the point where she feels that she has to spy on me.
Was it that I've been giving her reason to suspect me? Is she being all needy and dramatic?
I'll have to talk it over with and see what's going on.
But trust isn't easy to gain once broken, and if you gain trust again, it's never the same as before.
If she violated my privacy once, who's to say she won't do it again. She's already proven to me that she's capable of doing so. Makes you wonder what else she's capable of.
Simply put: Gotta have trust, respect, and communication in a relationship. If she's reduced herself to spying on you, your relationship doesn't have these things. It won't be a happy relationship, and it's destined to sink.
For me I would not go through my guys stuff. If I had suspicions like good ones like an eye for an eye and to settle it once and for all then I would but I wouldn't bring it up. Its like when you know something is wrong I mean know not feel you analyze everything. Randomly just checking isn't good because aaumptions come and someone gets hurt.
ok ok well here is the deal. it has a lot to do with "trust" if there is trust and you have never done anything to her to make her not trust you then its a problem. but if for example you have cheated on her or to some extent of cheating and you are trying to work things out if there is nothing to hide then you should have no problem with it.. on the other hand it can also be that she is feeling guilty because she is doing something wrong via email or text and wants to make it seem that its you then that's where the problem stands, now and days you kinda can't trust anyone ya know.. tuff tuff..