Guys, He asks about me but never talks about himself. Why?

[Anonymous]

There's this guy I used to date. When we dated, communication between us was really bad. He used to be very evasive and it would drive me crazy. We decided to stay friends. Recently, we've been in contact more frequently and he's been so much more attentive. He asks me questions about how I'm doing. When I'm down, he actually listens and tries to cheer me up. All things he didn't use to do before. The only thing: when I try to ask him about anything going on in his life, he shuts down. He doesn't respond and/or ignores my messages. When I ask him why he doesn't talk about himself, he doesn't respond either.

He has a girlfriend. And even though it irked me in the beginning, I'm happy for him now. At first I thought he was uncomfortable with me asking about him and his girl. But it's clear that he just doesn't want to talk about ANYTHING that goes on in his life. Even the dumb stuff, ex: what did you do today? He'll ask me any old thing about myself (especially my love woes), he'll compliment me, we'll joke around. But if I do the same for him. Nothing.

So I want to know: Why does he ask about me but never talks about himself? Any clues?

Does this mean I should walk away from this friendship?

[ExcellentHarry]

That's weird. Seems like a nice guy. I'd suggest sticking around for him if possible whatever you do, plus it's the only way you'll find out what's going on anyway. Don't know any more than what you've written but to give a few ideas maybe he is troubled and has had or is going through tough times of some sort, maybe he wants to show he cares about you more than himself for some reason, or maybe he feels his life isn't interesting or worth speaking about & isn't confident about it. Maybe he is being untruthful about something. If you want to know then you'll just have to stick around I guess but I see no reason to lose contact with him immediately because of this unless you really don't have time.
Best of luck whatever you do

[Asker]

Yeah it is weird. Now that I think about it. Today he did let slip some information. But then when I asked him something, he just feigned not hearing. I don't want to stop talking to him. I do think he's a nice guy. But a friendship goes two ways, right?

[Doody22]

Perhaps he does stuff he thinks you would find really boring so thinks it's not worth talking about.

[Asker]

Yeah I could understand that. I just don't get why when I "confront" him about it, he doesn't just say "oh I think my life is boring"? Instead he just avoids that question too.

[Doody22]

On some level maybe his embarrassed and feels you might think less of him. Maybe he isn't happy in his relationship and does not like talking about time spent with her because it makes him upset thinking about it. Perhaps he wants to take things further with you but is afraid if you see the real him you will not feel the same way back and he would lose you as a friend and girlfriend. obviously I'm just brainstorming here.

[Asker]

I don't ask about his girl anymore. I only asked once or twice then I dropped it. I don't know think he's still interested in me. He made it clear he has a girlfriend. And although he asks about my love life, he keeps telling me how he thinks I'll find somebody soon (I'm single) and all that. Seems to be more on the friendship side? But each time I push him to open up he shuts down or tells me I'm being dramatic. So I'm at a loss

[Doody22]

It sounds like he would go out with you, but doesn't want to dump his girlfriend in fear that he would then get rejected by you. It's a complicated situation because one of you has to take the leap of faith and tell the other how they feel. Just remember people don't put up walls to keep people out they put them up to see who cares enough to knock them down.

[Asker]

That's deep. Haha yeah I'm not sure I think he really likes this girl. Thanks anyway, definitely gonna think about that last bit

[Doody22]

No problem, hope it works out

[jamesgoldman]

Suggests he finds life too dull to talk about... I am mostly a book of other people's story's that I sometimes have a part in or my own business matters... rarely do I talk about myself in real life

[Asker]

And your friends don't mind? I mean that you don't share.

[jamesgoldman]

Since I was 17 my entire life has been business focused so my sharing comes via business matters... luckily all my friends are in business so understand me

[KrakenAttackin]

He probably thinks his life is too dull to talk about, or he doesn't like his life and doesn't want to relive his day when asked. Leave the poor guy alone.

[Asker]

Lol I don't just ask about his day. Like he'll ssk me something and when I return the question he evades it. Ex: I l'm thinking of dressing up as X for Halloween. How about you? *Ignores*. But if I'm in a crisis or sad over some dude - then he swoops in and asks a bunch of question.

[KrakenAttackin]

It's OK to not want to talk about yourself. If he is otherwise a good friend, than just take what he is willing to give you. Forcing more out of your will only drive him away.