I'm a little confused, but I feel like I understand tho, could someone help?

[Anonymous]

So, I get that friends with benefits are only just in it for (SEX) - no strings attached. But if you and your friends with benefits both have feelings for one another, or if they confess there feelings to you as well. Then why do they stay quiet, and decides to no speak with you. Like, if I would to send him a message right now. He'll respond, but just there. week before last, him and I was talking. I was the one to initiate the conversation 1st last time. But he and I did speak. But now he isn't saying much to me @ all. At first, I thought that he was avoiding and ignoring me. Why, I do I feel that way, well. Each and every time that I would get online, he would get offline. But, I also would do the same with him, I started doing that to him 1st. So this time, today I decided to stay online and not log off If he got online. So I guess once he was online, he stayed on too. He was last active like 35 minutes ago. He and I just didn't speak I got no message from him. I mean, Sure, I do feel like the sex from last time between us was weird and awkward. I personally don't feel like we sexually satisfy each other anymore, well at least I can't seem to get off with him. But now I am curious, to why we have this good connection and we get along with each other, really well. But for some odd reason, we just don't talk. Like, I'm sure he is into someone else, or maybe it just isn't the right time he wants to talk with me. I don't know, he always come back around anyways lol. But I just don't know why the conversations between us always become inconsistent. He usually pulls back before I do, so any advice or solution?

[1stranger]

You are a little confused. And he is a little confused.
Shock period after confessions.
Maybe you should get together again and talk.

[Asker]

What do you mean, he's confused? I have been knowing him for 6 years. So idk- he always seems to do this, and I'm not sure why. At the beginning it was just the sex he wanted, but he stuck around all this time.

[1stranger]

I don't know.
You know him better than me.
Mine was just a guess.

[Asker]

Yeah!!

[spartan55]

How are you certain he has feelings for you?

[Asker]

I'm not.. Sure tbh. He may find me attractive.. And or he may like someone else I am sure.. But no man tells another chick that he also has love for her too. Like 6 years, most man would have been out.

[spartan55]

Why would he be out? He gets to fuck you no-strings... duh.

[Asker]

Right. But get this, we don't even have sex like we use too. And I'm fine with that. 😎😎 but it's just when he stops talking to me or I feel like he's avoiding me. I k he has a lot going on in his life rn. And it seems like ever since he has had his kid, he has changed. :( not in a bad way. Just we don't talk, fuck or see each other often.

[spartan55]

Oookay... I don't get what you are asking?

[Asker]

Like how can we go from talking to us not speaking for awhile. Like could he be seeing someone or maybe just keeping things between us casual?

[spartan55]

Because you are used for sex... what are you expecting?
Why do women always think that first? "he must be seeing someone else"... no, sometimes we have other shit going on, and don't want the hassle. Or maybe we are, so what? You agreed to be in that sleazy arrangement, and that's part of it.
What are you wanting out of it?

[Asker]

I just really like him a lot, and I wish that I could keep his attention 24/7. Like I was saying before, if I text him or hit him up he'll respond to me. But why would he tell me and say, you already know that I have a lot of love for you.
Maybe he cares for me deeply. But actions speak louder then words.

[spartan55]

He says stuff like that to keep you around, it's so easy to get women to buy it, and some guys have no problem doing it
This is another example of why you should never do friends with benefits.

[Asker]

I agree. I think with this dude, I do personally think that he does care for me. But I also feel that there is someone else in the picture. And again, he is single and can date and be with who he wants. But I personally feel like the sex isn't hot and sexy anymore. I always would say, that I wish he would stop asking me about sex, why is it so hard for him to be just my friend. And tbh how things are between us. It does feel more like a friendship. I'm sure @ one point he was into me. But he's sleeping around others, of course he'sconnecting to other different women. So him saying things just to keep me around for 6' I don't think so. Not anymore, it was like that @ 1st. (YES). But I really do feel that there is someone else involved. He took me a few year's back. He said, you would know if there is someone I'm seeing. And I said, how so: and he said well I wouldn't have a reason to talk to you. Smh or how I just wouldn't hear from him. And from are last interaction in person with each other. He was more into his phone then me. Smh. And it also seemed like he couldn't get off. Like damn he couldn't even stay hard smh.

[Asker]

And what I meant, when I say I agree. Meaning I'm not build for a friends with benefits type of relationship. Especially not with this guy. Because of my feelings that I have for him. And when we are with each other it's awkward sometimes. Like I try my best not to be weird or so clumsy around him, and nervous. Like with my neighbor, I would get nervous too with him. But I didn't care about how I acted around him. Like I felt like that I could be myself and just live in the moment. The only thing with my 6 year friends with benefits and my neighbor, is that the sex was very much different. I connect with them both differently. And with my 6 year friends with benefits I don't think about sex with him like that. I mean let's just say that the sex is dead and old between us now. And also with my neighbor he made things very interesting. But like my 6 year friends with benefits he'll be back around. Yes. But I guess I really shouldn't be dealing with him, if I can cut my ties with my neighbor, I should cut my ties with him too. He's been around for to long. 6 years and No relationship. SMFH!!

[spartan55]

Well, not to be blunt, but you have no one to blame but yourself for that. You are accepting being treated poorly in exchange for the hope a great relationship... that almost never, and I mean NEVER comes to fruition.

[Asker]

😥 I just really miss him. But I'm no chasing him down. I guess it is what it is. 😭 It's just when he isn't around or talking to me I feel so lonely. He brings a different kind of vibe and energy. That's why I need to cut my ties with frfr.. I really do feel like crying. I was being open and honest with sharing with him how I feel. But now I just feel stupid like I shouldn't have. But I also told him last about my neighbor, he doesn't judge me and he didn't. And he is a whole hoe for the women lol. But also that may have turned him off. But the last thing that I said to him, was showing him my appreciation with him, and how I do truly care for him. But now it's like crickets. My friend said basically you got what you want and you're still unsatisfied and I said what do you mean. She said you didn't want to continue the sexual relationship, you wanted to build and just be normal and keep things casual and simple. So she said, why are you mad. And she said even if this guy does like you a bit or have any feelings for you at all. She said, stop telling him your business with these other guys. She said he sure ain't telling you about who he is involved with. So stop telling him. She said: just get your freak on with this man, and keep it moving. And she said, if you can't do that. Then stop worrying or being concern and keep it moving.. then she also said if you feel the things has changed between you two then it probably has. So allow it and move on.

[spartan55]

I agree with your friend 100%. He/she understands what friends with benefits is.

[Asker]

It's a girl that said this. But yeah, you both are right. I just need cut my ties. I thought that I was ready for him be in my life. But I'm not :(. So