Why does he get defensive if I ask about his female friends?

[Billie_]

For example, I asked him today what the relationship he had with this one girl flirting under his photo. I know he has female friends, and it was before we were dating but I was just wondering if he flirts with her still. I wasn't passive aggressive, just asked what their friendship was like.

He tells me they used to date and then just be friends. So Im kind of okay with it but taken aback and ask if he still flirts with her. He tells me he doesn't and then gets angry at me for asking. He said "Do I need to tell you about every girl I used to date now?"

I'm just kind of confused. Im not mad at him, and I trust him. He knows I'm not jealous. But is his response kind of a red flag? I don't get why he was so defensive about it if he was secure in their friendship?

Thoughts...

[TruthBringer]

Let me tell you something. If you're the type who doesn't have guy friends because you know they will try to get with you whenever they find the opportunity, then you have every right to expect your partner not to have female orbiters around him.

I can guarantee you that there is something going on between the two. This is your gut is telling you aswel. And our gut are very powerful at picking these signals. And by the way, do you really buy into the fact that they are just "friends" even after they dated? There is something called monkey branching and your dude is keeping his back-up plan warm whenever shit goes south with you (if he isn't already being unfaithful behind your back). You want a truly loyal guy? You're not with one. There are plenty of people facing the same problem as you and it almost never turned out okay.

If he truly had nothing to hide, then he wouldn't be defensive

[Billie_]

Holy shit. You are so right! I never looked at it like that before..

[magiusX26]

it shows you as insecure about him gaving female friends. also comes across as you dont trust him
especially the one he dated then stepped back and was just friends, which means exactly that, they are friends.

[Billie_]

I'm not worried about him having female friends. My worry was that he was still flirting with one of them and possibly becoming intimate, which is not appropriate in a relationship.

[magiusX26]

that equates to the same thing. you are worrying about and passive-aggressively accusing him after he was honest with you that they dated. dated does not mean anything intimate ever happened. I don't know if he, she, ir both decided not to continue dating, when they dated, how many dates, if they were friends before dating and maybe decided to try dating but found it not right for them. most times (contrary to what you see in movies etc) when we guys tell you she is just a friend, the big hidden meaning is she is just a friend.

[SuzieS]

Could be innocent, difficult to say. Some guys just super needy for attention and reassurance that they're desirable. Make sure he knows how much you want him. And ask him if he's cool if some guy you used to date flirts with you in your pictures, and if it would make him curious enough to ask you about it. Some people are more comfortable in relationships where there partner doesn't take their presence for granted. You need to decide what kind of relationship will make you happy, and act accordingly.

[SuzieS]

Actually, I just noticed that you said it was from before you were dating, in that case that would annoy me if I were him. You should expect to see stuff from his past experiences without feeling threatened by it. He was a person before he met you. If it was recent I would understand feeling uncomfortable and asking who that is, but if it's old, don't sweat it ;)

[MzAsh]

His response was very defensive. But you need to start acting like you’re better than those girls. You’re coming off as too clingy.

[Agape93]

Sounds like he could be flirting or misunderstanding your intent for asking.

[Billie_]

Possibly. He said it sounds like I don't want him to have female friends, which isn't true and I've never said that. I tried to reassure him of this. I'm not sure why he is so defensive.

[Agape93]

I don’t know either. I’m sure you’ve expressed your ok with him having female friends, so the only thing I can see him being defensive about is infidelity or just hiding something

[purpletulip]

In all my experiences if they get super defensive its because there is more to it and they prolly are doing something you woildent like. Thats happened to me more times then I can count. I always just pay more attention and do investigating and normal find our the truth. Nut id watch it for sure

[Paul09]

It's 2020 everyone gets offended by any question these days. Or he does flirt with her and got defensive. It is a weird reaction.

[flashgrandad]

Sounds like he has secrets to hide.
He is insecure of what he might let slip.
If he is getting that defensive be very cautious as he could still have a thing for them?

[Sevenpointfive]

because you're stalking his female friends. that's a red flag in my book for a psycho girlfriend

[Billie_]

Stumbling across a comment isn't "stalking" lmao

[Sevenpointfive]

that's not what i heard

[bklynbadboy1]

He's hiding something why else would he be defensive. You feel me.

[mrgspoter]

Caus he's slowed to do anything and you just don't say anything back or questions

[Gooblegobble]

Red flag.

[Iron_Man]

Because he doesn’t want to be told what to do

[Billie_]

I didn't tell him what to do. I asked him if he's flirting with other girls because that is cheating to me.

[Iron_Man]

That’s why he’s so paranoid

[Billie_]

He's cheating?

[Iron_Man]

Maybe flirting

[Anonymous]

he is a cheater