Boyfriend makes mean jokes and he’s really starting to annoy me?

[Anonymous]

Don’t get me wrong, I joke a lot too but the things he says can be really mean. The one that really annoys me is when he tells me that I stink. I’m on this birth control shot called Depo and sometimes I do smell “different”. I’ve already told him to please stop telling me that I stink because it isn’t funny and he just keeps doing it and saying I’m too “sensitive”. (We’ve been only dating 3 months by the way)

And then he would ask me a question and I would answer and he would say something really rude like “shut the fuck up” or “you talk too much.” He would say it when I would answer the simplest question. We also used to play around by hitting each other but I told him to stop playing with me like that because he ALWAYS accidentally hits me too hard and after I would tell him that, 10 minutes later he STILL would hit me playfully as a joke and it’s really starting to piss me off. I’m your girlfriend not your little sister. Like I like him but his jokes and sense of humor are really starting to annoy me.

[winterfox10]

Uh, it doesn't sound like he's joking... like... at all. It sounds like he's talking tons of shit on you and doesn't respect you, but would rather have you believe that it's all fun and games so he can avoid coming to terms with the fact that he doesn't respect you.

[Asker]

Right? Like I’m not an idiot! I know the difference between joking but it sometimes seems like his “jokes” are a code for a hidden meaning. Especially when he tells me I stink. I’m already a little insecure about how my vagina smells due to my birth control since I spot on and off.

I was supposed to see him this weekend also and he’s in the army. I don’t have my car insurance up to date and he has been being kinda dry to me because of this? I’ve already said sorry I couldn’t make it but they’re aren’t going to let me on base without having my car insured. He keeps texting me “ok” and asked me earlier “are you coming or what?”

[winterfox10]

Oof... yeah. That dude seems like a bit of a dick...

[Asker]

Well earlier today, I ended up getting my insurance and able to get on base. So when we were in the car, he gently hit my leg. I told him “please do not hit me” and then he did it again, so I punched hit very hard on his chest and said “STOP HITTING ME!” And he looked all shocked. Now mind you, I’m not a violent person but I’ve already told him me and him can’t play around anymore like that because one of us always ends up hitting too hard and he told me I am overreacting. But I told him no, if I don’t like you doing something then just listen to what I say and stop. Did I go about this right?

[winterfox10]

It sounds like that was what you needed to do to clarify the situation for him. I’m not a fan of hitting people either, but sometimes people need to be shocked to get the message.

[Asker]

I simply told him that I don’t mind us fooling around but the playful hitting has to stop. He doesn’t seem to understand why this bothers me and I know he doesn’t mean any harm. I’ve told him that he’s being disrespectful and he was like how? And I told him that he needs to respect my boundaries if he wants me to do the same for him.

[funnygeese]

i think you should break up because this is not right, he even knows it hurts you and that it is annoying you. he won't change, i know it's hard to admit that he won't change but he is using you and not respecting you. This isn't a good boyfriend and you don't deserve him if he is behaving like this.

[Asker]

I don’t quite understand how I am being used. He’s fine all around but it’s just his jokes can sometimes go a little too far?

I know we all slip up and say the wrong things sometimes but I think I’m just going to start ignoring some of the stupid shit he says. It doesn’t upset me enough to quite “break up” but he is always claiming I have an attitude problem and like bruh IT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE ANNOYING ME. He needs to realize there is a time and a place for a joke to take place.

[funnygeese]

i doesn't like he is not meaning to annoy you. sounds more like on purpose. He isn't saying the wrong thing on purpose he knows that it is rude and annoying you.

[Billie_]

He's emotionally abusing you and excusing it by saying they're "jokes." If they were really jokes, he wouldn't have kept making them once he realised you were uncomfortable with it.

[Asker]

Most of the time when I address the issue he does stop and then a week later he will do it again. But he gets mad at me for being “offended”? Like he honestly just needs to grow tf up and just stop. If I say I don’t like the shit just say sorry and stop doing the same shit to continue to piss me off.

[Billie_]

Next time he does it just sigh, say "I'm not telling you this again." And leave the room. If he still doesn't get it, find a man who does.

[Asker]

Oh and also by the way, we got this new puppy last week. The dog constantly whines and cries all night long hours in end. I’ve had dogs before but I’ve never had a puppy as needy as this one. I can’t even enter the kitchen without the dog whining. So I told my boyfriend to come get the dog because I’ve had enough of his whining and him peeing and shitting every where. U know what? He called me a baby because of that

[OlderAndWiser]

Some people use "joke" as an excuse to express anger and hostility. When you add in the fact that he hits you, it seems to confirm that his motivations are hostile and aggressive. Why are you still with this guy? Is this the best you can do?

[Asker]

He hits me in a playful manner not to physically hurt me but I’ve already told him I don’t like playing with him in that way because he just ends up hitting me a little too hard and then I don’t want to play anymore. Also I’m 5’1 and 128 lbs and he’s 6 ft tall and 180 so he’s twice my size

[OlderAndWiser]

Read what you wrote: "He hits me in a playful manner not to physically hurt me but I’ve already told him I don’t like playing with him in that way because he just ends up hitting me a little too hard"

He knows this hurts you and he persists in doing it. That is NOT being playful.

[Asker]

You’re right

[OlderAndWiser]

If you stay with him, he will either get emboldened by your tolerance, or he will get a bit too intoxicated on some occasion and the result will be an injury to you.

Would you want this guy to be the role model for any boys you might have in the future?

[Asker]

I’m not really sure what to do. I honestly just don’t want to really deal with him rn. I’m not saying that I want to break up but I want him to come to realization that I’m not the female to play around like this. For example, yesterday I was supposed to visit him on the military base because he couldn’t come see me this time. Mind you, you need to have your car registered to get on base. Ok, so I never really bother to see if my Insurance is up to date (the car is in my parent’s name anyway) so my car insurance experience at the end of September. I told my boyfriend this and he just seemed kind of annoyed. I tried my best to get my insurance and I know it’s kind of my fault too but he was just texting me like “whatever” and then when I was asking what the military needed for me to get on base, he texted me back like “oh my fucking god.” So I don't know if he’s annoyed by me but isn’t saying it or if he’s actually just “kidding” what should I do? Just be passive aggressive and not talk to him?

[OlderAndWiser]

Do you expect any of this attitude or behavior to change in the future?

[Asker]

I think it wi I’m just too nice

[OlderAndWiser]

It is a mistake to go into a relationship hoping that a guy will change. Most of us will not.

[Asker]

He texted me 3 minutes ago saying “Are you coming or what?” How do I reply back to this? I’ve already told him I don’t have car insurance up to date to go on the military base. He’s acting very dumb... and plus I’m at the dentist and I’m about to get my wisdom teeth removed

[OlderAndWiser]

Just reply, "I'm at the dentist and I'll be in pain after this procedure. I'll need to go home after I leave the dentist's office. We'll talk again soon."

And then prepare to break up with him.

[OlderAndWiser]

Read these two myTakes:

Let's Be Practical: How To End A Relationship And Minimize The Stress! ↗

No Contact: A Silly Game Or An Effective Strategy? ↗

[OmNomaly]

Ask yourself this.

Is this the kind of person that you would want to spend the rest of your life with or not.

[Asker]

I actually do really want to be with but I just think he needs to be more mindful of the things that he says to me. Especially telling me I stink when he’s aware I spot due to my birth control and sometimes I do kinda smell. I understand he doesn’t mean any harm but it just hurts my feelings and I can’t help it. If he didn’t joke around our relationship would be perfect but he’s just starting to annoy me

[Asker]

And it also hurt my feelings when we got a new puppy last week and I was so overwhelmed with the dog that I called him to come get him. I was about to return the dog and he called me a “baby” because I said I couldn’t handle the constant whining and crying from the dog

[havingfun101]

"I can give it but not take it so let's change half the rules!" -- Stankness