My boyfriend makes mean jokes? am I being too sensitive?

[Anonymous]

I just want to know if I’m being overdramatic by feeling hurt and bringing it up to my boyfriend when he makes jokes like this. Here are some examples: 1. Went to a photographer walk-in session at a cat cafe and they offered for me to come back for free and be their model with the cats and I told him we should do a couples session and he said “oh no” and I said what and he said they’ll see me and not want you as their model anymore 2. I couldn’t figure out how to shift the gears on the boat when my dad was explaining it to me and my boyfriend said “it’s not that hard, up is forward midddle is neutral and down is reverse” and I tried to laugh it off and protest jokingly and he interrupted me and shook his head: “you’re making this way harder than it needs to be. It’s really not a difficult concept” 3. today, we were arguing about if Cornell or Columbia is better and I said “not that acceptance rates are everything but Columbia’s is way lower” and he said “sorry, I forgot you got into Cornell” (because I got rejected)
the worst part is he never notices when it hurts me. I get quieter and sadder and he just continues on with conversation like after he said that he then said “I still can’t believe I got into Berkeley”
Normally he’s funny and he has a hard time with words of affirmation but he’s generally pretty sweet or at least not mean like this. Am I wrong to be offended? And am I being too sensitive to bring it up to him again (I’ve already told him I would appreciate less jokes and or jokes but with increased compliments too so I know he’s just kidding but it hasn’t worked very well)

[AmandaYVR]

I think he's a bit wrong, but not a whole lot. This is a pretty typical situation between a young guy and girl getting together, and trying to blend their two very different communication styles.

You need to speak up - in the moment - and let him know every time, when something he said bothered you.
And he will respond one of two ways - apologize and adapt his behaviour, or think you are too sensitive and he can't be with someone he has to walk on eggshells around, so it just won't work out.

But what you can't do is slowly simmer, and withdraw, and hold it against him, with him being completely in the dark. This is what a lot of girls do, and it doesn't teach the guy anything. He's clueless, and thinks "girls are just inscrutable." Give him the opportunity to know what he did, for the two of you to talk about it and see if either can change the other's mind, and find out if he wants to change, or if you think you can change.

I don't know, but I get the feeling he's treating you like he would a friend or brother, a bit (it's what he's used to), and he's not meaning to seriously demean you at all.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I dated a guy like this and honestly I had to end things. Talking about it doesn’t work because not only is that a big personality trait, but one they’ve spent most of their lives developing and not something they can switch off just like that. Some of the “jokes” are insensitive, but in my opinion it’s just him being immature, lacking empathy and just generally being a jackass. The remedy to this is ultimately deciding how big of a factor this is for you. He can generally be a great guy but if his rudeness is part of him, unfortunately it’s a take it or leave it thing. You either coexist with it or say screw that, break up and find a guy who is more in tune with you. Sure it would suck and you’d have to go through the sadness of a breakup, but you were fine before him and would be fine after him.

[Lucifer_01]

Oh dear, that sucks right?
So what is happening here is, He is making jokes and that jokes should not be called as joke... it should be called as prank and something else. I can understand how you are feeling right now, alone, sad, and about to give up.
So according to me you must tell him, that your jokes are hurting me so much, and i think he'll say
"what did I said?", But nope you have to tell him every single detail about it. Which is probably he is not aware while making jokes.
See relationship means full of load of feelings, here smallest things matter most and second important how much you know about each other.
I m telling you seriously, If you not take a step now, he will never gonna stop his jokes or in short insulting you. and it will keep hurting you all time. you will be eaten inside by yourself and it will become big issue. Then you both have to take a big step which is 'be in relationship or not'.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

My douche Clown brother does that too. He’ll insult me for no reason and then will say, “I’m just joking”. In my mind, I say: “bullshit. What did you say N*gga? Punk ass, bitch ass, p*ssy ass, bitch ass, ass ass, N*gga”