I find my boyfriend’s jokes hurtful. Am I being too sensitive?

[Anonymous]

Here are some examples:
I told him my friend’s dog passed away. He joked eff the dog.
I told him my therapist said I was funny. He joked the therapist thinks I’m a joke.
I said I’m on a diet and lost weight. He joked it’s just water bc I made no effort to lose weight.
I said my job is hard. He joked I’m just a disposable piece of society now that I work.
I showed him my drawing. He said “… what’s that?” as a joke.
I started watching a show. He immediately told me the ending was ass.

What do you think?

[Lowly_Grump]

Oh, you poor soul, cuddling up to a bag of moldy assholes would be more pleasant than dealing with your boyfriend's jokes. His humor is as subtle as a brick to the face and about as funny as a kick in the shin.

It sounds like this jester has a heart as warm and fuzzy as a slug, and his jokes are about as hurtful as a slug's trail across your salad. You are not being sensitive, my friend, you are just a victim of his slug-like humor and slime-trail comments.

Tell this so-called comedian to take his jokes and shove them where the sun don't shine (or maybe he will find them funny there). His jokes are as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit, and it's time for him to zip it and take a long walk off a short pier.

You deserve better than this! Go find someone with a sense of humor as sparkling as a unicorn's fart and as magical as a rainbow-flavored ice cream sundae.

[Asker]

This response is a rainbow flavored ice cream sandae! I read it many times, it cheers me up. To be fair he was a good guy and I enjoyed his company, but this just might be the fundamental difference I’m not interested in compromising. I hope he’ll find someone with the same sense of humor or a new style of humor for himself.

[RavVid]

It could be just a poor sense of humor but I have seen something similar happen to a friend. Her new boyfriend started making belittling jokes but in an affectionate way. Over time it got more sarcastic and less affectionate.

She was like a frog in a pan of water being slowly heated. In more time it got less sarcastic and more abusive. This type of belittling humor - is difficult to respond to - "It's just a JOOOKE". Something is wrong if you are always the butt.

You can object to being the butt and make it clear you are out if it doesn't change. This is unlikely but you could give it a shot.

Or walk away now. I am betting you will have to.

[avery58]

Gosh, he sounds more annoying than hearing the sound of nails scratching chalkboard or those cringey ASMR videos. How do you put up with him? None of what he said is even funny so I'd say he's just saying they're jokes as an excuse to be an ass.

Tell him that his jokes are bothering you, and if he doesn't change anything ditch him for a more tolerable person.

[Asker]

He’s an honest and hard working person and I deeply respect him for those qualities. This particular part of him hurts me. I've talked to him about this many times and he’s apologized just a week ago. I also tried working on it, seeing things more positively or desensitizing myself but it just seems to be the fundamental difference between how he thinks these are ok things to say and how I feel shrunk hearing them.

[Anonymous]

Not at all. He's a jackass.

[Asker]

Should I end it here?

[Opinion Owner]

Have you previously explained to him how these comments make you feel? He seems to have the sense of humor of an 8 year old. If you have explained this to him and he still does it, then he's immature and he's probably not going to grow up any time soon and I'd get out of this if you don't want to deal with it anymore. If you haven't had this discussion, it's time to explain to him that he's not funny and explain to him seriously how you feel and hope he's capable of a serious talk, which it kinda sounds like he isn't but I'd give it a try first if you haven't.

[Asker]

I have, multiple times and the last time was last week. He apologized and said he went too far, he won’t do it again, and then there was the dog “joke”. I’m at the point I have explained all I can. One thing is when he makes a joke like this, I react and won’t say anything nice to him. And he seems to be hurt from my behaviors. Maybe I should just break this cycle by breaking up.

[Opinion Owner]

I think your instinct is correct. You picked one who hasn't grown up into a mature adult yet unfortunately.

[Asker]

Yeah now I’m starting to feel bad bc I also feel like I’m not treating him with as much kindness as I wish bc I’m just always triggered/reacting. Thank you for helping me think through this:)

[Iron_Man]

If somethings bothering you, talk to him about it

[Asker]

I have multiple times and he has apologized about it:( I mean at least he feels bad when called out but this seems like it’s not going anywhere

[Iron_Man]

Then basically tell him to stop with those kind of jokes be very serious and have serious facial expressions and don’t put up with it anymore

[strateguy632]

he is good. humor is good for dealing with life like a frend pet died. appreciate him and joke join the jokes.

[molonski2]

I think most are harmless maybe with the exception of the dog , thats a little heartless.

[Asker]

They’re not like the craziest bullying or anything, but when I hear it from someone who says that loves me it makes me feel very small

[Asker]

But I appreciate opinions from many different perspectives, thank you!

[molonski2]

Yes , I can understand the pain , the thought being that there is some degree of truth in there , thats what is hurting.

[Asker]

Thank you for putting this into words, that’s definitely a big part of it for me. Maybe it is really just a joke but I’d never know if it’s a hidden message or sth

[molonski2]

I always think of it in terms of self deification , when someone does that there is always an element of truth , its not a good trait , maybe ask the therapist? Or just address it directly with the partner?

[Asker]

Thank you for suggesting, I definitely should talk to my therapist! I think it’s hard to ask about this kind of thing and get the real answer to be honest, most cases are unintentional or people are unaware of their actual intentions

[In_Trance]

Have you talked to him about it?

[Asker]

I have, multiple times and the last time was last week. He apologized and said he went too far, he won’t do it again, and then there was the dog “joke”. I’m at the point I have explained all I can:((

[In_Trance]

So you need to make a decision

[Asker]

You’re totally right…

[Anonymous]

Tell him. If he doesn’t stop. Break up

[noohair]

He is an asshole.