Was my joke that hurtful enough for my boyfriend to get upset?

[Anonymous]

I joked about not wanting kids with him and that babies are crying brats. I also answered ''Nope'' (prentending to laugh) as a prank if I ever saw myself aging with him.

It was just a joke though. He got upset and incredibly hurt. I was just joking about my answer. Was my joke that hurtful?

Updates

+1 y

Sometimes I can be the queen of pranks. I like joking around with people. Seriously... I do love him and my real answer is a yes to both questions. He's upset and won't speak to me at this moment. I was just joking.

[MrOracle]

While I get it - jokes and pranks are your thing, there are certain subjects that many people are very sensitive about. I'm sure I could find something where, if I made a joke about it to you, you'd be devastated, even if you were good at hiding it.

A lot of guys worry whether or not their girl really cares about him, and making jokes about it really plays into those insecurities. Guys are not used to being vulnerable, and being in a relationship makes you vulnerable - which makes many guys VERY uncomfortable and nervous, because that's not a situation we're used to, and many don't handle it well.

Pretty much the 3 things you never joke with a guy about are: the size of his dick, his performance in bed, or whether you love him/see a future with him. Joking about any of those things is a lot like using a nuclear weapon: it's a MASSIVE escalation that you can't take back and usually means a fight to the death. It's a really, REALLY bad idea.

I know you didn't mean it like that, but you really should apologize and explain to him that you didn't understand how bad those kinds of jokes would be taken, but that it was just a joke and you don't actually feel that way at all, and that you've learned your lesson and won't do it again. That will probably make him feel a whole lot better.

[DaveJord]

I would say it was little insensitive because it suggest you are not taking the relationship as serious as him. But honestly it all depends on where you're at in the relationship... if you have been together long enough he should have better understanding of your personality and sense of humor by now... and if you have not been together that long maybe he is getting too serious too fast.

Simple fact is that if you do view him as someone you could be with and age with and potentially have kids with then you should not joke or play games with these types of things, because in the end it can be hurtful. If your serious about this guy then I recommend that you apologize and take a more serious approach.

If you are not serious about this guy then fuck him, and do the right thing and break it off and move on to someone you can be more seriously into... because this guy obviously is looking at you as someone he wants to progress with in life.

[Asker]

We've been together for 2 years and yes he is the serious guys that wants a family. Maybe I went a bit too far with the joke. I really thought he would understand that I was just joking (similar to say ''No I don't want kids with yes... just kidding, off course I want them, you should know my answer is a yes) and that he would figure out my answer is a yes.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Yes, it was hurtful and that is not something you should joke about.


People tend to believe that “behind every joke, there’s some truth to it…” So, you should really reconsider what jokes are appropriate and what isn’t when it comes to you, your boyfriend, and the relationship.


Next time, don’t say that or don’t say anything similar to that, because it’s a shitty joke, to be very honest. I would be just as hurt as him if my boyfriend said that to me.

[Asker]

I thought he would come around quickly once telling him it's just a joke. He's still upset. I love him and yes off course I see myself growing old with him. I didn't mean any of what I said. It's just that sometimes I like joking around with people. I can be the queen of pranks.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I know, but it wasn’t a good joke or prank. You gotta face consequences for your actions, this is one of the lessons that you will learn

[WhitneySnow]

You need to reassure him that you were just kidding

[HD1450]

WOW, apparently your boyfriend is pretty sensitive, but you should have none that well I really should not say that first place it's none of my business, second place I don't have any idea how long you guys have been together. Now if that would have been me I damn sure would have called you out on it to explain exactly what you meant. That stuff use to happen to me all the time till I have had enough and called her out on it but we have been together since High School and now when she get's a little uppity I shove it right back at her and laugh, drives her crazy, I love it but we are good to go and I hope you and your boyfriend can smooth it out. Good luck and be safe...

[Asker]

We've been together for 2 years now but yes he's a serious guy. I just thought that he would understand I was just joking. My real answer is a definite yes to both questions he asked (if I want kids and if I see myself growing old with him).

[HD1450]

Well, I hope you two are happy for a long time, but you know how us men are we get our feelings hurt just like you ladies do it's just that men will usually lash out if their partner says something hurtful even if your joking, trust me this old soldier had been down that road. When I was coming up if my lady at the time and I would argue I would more or less say nothing at all and walk away and I can't stand to argue or screaming. As soon as my lady would start to raise her voice I would immediately shut down. I do not do that anymore, but I will not ever raise my voice... I hope you guys are together for a long time... Have a great day and be safe...

[ScottStevens]

Some jokes just are not so funny to others. Especially when the joke is about the long term nature of a relationship.

yes he is probably sensitive to both issues. Knowing that I will assume this was not the first time there was a joke about both subjects.

best to invite him to a nice dinner in that you prepare and make sure you believe the two issues are worth a lot to you also and you want to clear the air. This can turn into a very good turning point in the relationship if you take the initiative to open up!

[Asker]

Thank you for the suggestion. I plan on making it up to him. It was just a joke what I said. I didn't meant any of that. My real answer is yes to both questions he asked (if I want kids and if I see myself growing old with him).

[caring__1]

How would you feel if your boyfriend joked about something important to you or a sensitive subject of yours? If you don't like a particular part of your body, would you want him to keep drawing attention to it? Would it be acceptable for him to say your pussy stinks? Humor lightens a moment, yet you seem to enjoy watching people squirm from what you see as humor. Does that eliminate your feelings of weakness and inadequacy? For instance, there is no such thing as a sarcastic sense of humor, as the goal of sarcasm is to push people's buttons to manipulate them. It's not uncommon when people feel inadequate to add anything of value to a conversation to fill the void with what they label as humor. It doesn't make you look smarter; it makes you look insensitive and uneducated.

[CallmeTheKnight]

First of, why would you joke about that if someone is in love with you?

Secondly, you said it and to him you meant it. That kind of stuff is serious.

Think things through next time before doing something like that. That was insulting to him

[Asker]

Ok so maybe I went too far with that. We're talking by now by yes he's still a bit hurt by it. I'm thinking of making it up to him with a meal and I'll just keep reassuring him I didn't mean any of what I said. Off course I want to have him and see myself growing old with him. I was thinking that by logic my boyfriend would understand I was just joking and the real answer is a yes.

[CallmeTheKnight]

The action of conversation would be more importantly than just making him a meal. Reassurance is nice, but it's not really a helpful approach. I don't know how you played the joke and how far you took it, but he's gonna need some time to really consider the value of the relationship.
Although we know you didn't mean to hurt him, but would you want to be with someone that will hurt you?

[KrakenAttackin]

You put doubt in his mind about who you really are and what you really want. What if he joked about wanting to take "time off" and "see other people"?

See how that works? There are things that can be joked about and things that cannot.

[jshm2]

It was not a joke, but an insight into the real you.

Not only could you be a child abuser, but a shallow and bitch of a person. One who hides behinds "pranks" and "slips of the tongue" like a real sociopath and narcissist.

[AviatorTom]

Most jokes have a element of truth, and your boyfriend knows that. It was hurtful. If that truly was you just joking, you need to tell him that.

[Asker]

I was honestly just joking. I didn't meant any of that. I tend to be the queen of jokes for the most part but yeah maybe I went too far. We're talking now but he's still a bit hurt.

[UniquelyBasic]

I guess it depends on how you said it but overall I dont think it was that bad.

[Asker]

Yeah I've seen worse pranks than what I did. I didn't mean any of that. I love him. I was just joking.

[UniquelyBasic]

If you have been with him for a while then you should probably know what you can and cannot joke about with him. Probably dont joke about something like that again if he doesn't like it though

[HighValue]

Those kinds of jokes can be very hurtful. Pranks are a bad idea within a relationship.

[RealMarek]

Yes, definitely. Those are matters that are best not joked about.

[Anonymous]

For being the supposedly more "emotionally intelligent" gender, y'all can be really "emotionally retarded".

[TommyMountainFigure]

Why ask us when you already know how hurt he was?

[Dragonstarterplus]

And here I thought jokes were supposed to be funny

[Waldoe]

Was he hurt? YES