How to handle my boyfriend's self deprecating humor?

Question

He's putting himself down through 'jokes'. I don't know what to say to him or how to bring up my problem with it because I'm afraid of hurting his feelings.

Lonerguy1234 · Accepted Answer

i do it form time to time and im trying to fix it. its not something he just started doing its something that has been going on for years. i use to repeat to myself im stupid or im an idiot multiple times in my head and i didn't even realize i was hurting myself now i have to fight those thoughts and tell myself i am not i replaced those phrases with " how can i be better" when ever i feel frustrated i repeat this over and over again and it pushes me to go do something about my frustration. point is you can't help him. only he can help him self. you can tell him you dont like it but you can change him.

Cosytoasty · Accepted Answer

You might not be grasping the level of humour/wit he’s at, which might be satire. Do his ACTIONS shout confidence? That’s the key thing.

If he’s putting himself down all the time and then acting like a wimp, then yeah you should just flat out say it.

samhradh_leannan · Accepted Answer

Just tell him it’s not funny when he puts himself down. Ask him if his jokes are reflecting how he really feels or if they really are just jokes.

My boyfriend went through a phase of doing this a little while ago, so I k ow how you feel. Basically I just called attention to the habit and asked him if it represented how he really felt. He said he didn’t even realize he was doing it, and he hasn’t done it since I brought it up.

Ariel1990 · Accepted Answer

u dont like his jokes? so start joking too. telling him u like or dislike that... in a funny way, pretend u r joking and watch his reaction

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

That's always annoy. Just don't laugh, giving a odd look often makes them stop

slatyb · Answer

This is a sign of insecurity. He does this seeking reassurance but it's a form of complaining and it's tiresome. If there are things he doesn't like about himself, he needs to either work to change them or accept them and stop talking about it. This is affecting you, so it's reasonable for you to talk to him about it. Don't be accusatory, just tell him how it makes you feel when he does this.

Is his poor view of himself accurate? Is he insecure about areas where he is perfectly adequate?

astonb · Answer

You need to find out why he does it. I went through a stage of doing the same, and for me it was a defence mechanism as I was bullied for years through out school. My reason was to do it before the bullies could. He would need to change his mind set to adjust so he doesn't do it in the future. Hope that helps

oddfuturejibz1996 · Answer

I think he is feeling somewhat depressed. maybe you could try to prove to him that he is the best you came around to. I think you should direct some attention to him and the more you do so maybe mire people will follow suit. It may be possible for him to be aware of his talents

1German1 · Answer

Well if you never say anything nothing will change. Id bring it up nicely and start like this... "i feel like..."

sudofaux · Answer

He’s being modest and making light of his insecurities/shortcomings in a humorous way. Better that than a insecure macho man i. e. bully

BronsonG · Answer

Tell him to stop or you will give him five across the face. He will feel bad but it won't last because you are his girlfriend. Remember: "the power of boners triumphs all."

IdkSomethingRandom · Answer

Eh. People with self deprecating humor need to make those jokes. Helps stabilize us a bit.

abc3643 · Answer

Why do you have a problem it? To me, that indicates a certain insecurity in yourself.

Humbledman74006 · Answer

If you love him, help him through it, I do it too... it preempts others from doing it. How does he do it, what topics

androoo · Answer

Just be straight forward with him. I always did that and I felt a lot better just having someone say they care and they like me. Say how you feel and do something about it

Chetankhawla · Answer

Just say it in a romantic manner. And if he loves you then he will not get hurt.

Anonymous · Answer

Just be straight, he's probably going to make a joke after your criticism anyway so who cares

Anonymous · Answer

Ahh yes, sarcasm of one's own sorryness. I can relate. Nah he's done for.

Anonymous · Answer

Chill. It is just a joke.

BeyondWords · Answer

It's a sign of intelligence.

Iamaguy4real · Answer

Just be yourself

BronzedAdonis · Answer

is he conan O'Brien?

How to handle my boyfriend's self deprecating humor?

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My boyfriend has an immature sense of humor, how to deal with it?

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My boyfriend has an immature sense of humor, how to deal with it?

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