I know he loves me but he's is hardly affectionate.. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I've talked to him about this and how I NEED affection and he knows it's my love language.. He said he would work on it, which he is better but.. I still feel lonely. I can't even try and be all over him and try and be intimate, if he doesn't want it I'm kinda just blown off. We have sex maybe once a week. He KNOWS I need affection and to be intimate. And I know he loves me and I love him.. What do I do?

[jessuper]

Well, you've already communicated what you need. Most of the rest is up to him.

You could give him ways to be affectionate or alternatives where you can meet eachother half way. For example, if he doesn't like expressing things through big shows of affection, you could suggest he just touch your hand occasionally. It van be intimate and show he cares without overstepping his own boundaries. Maybe he could tap your shoulder 3 times for "I love you" as a way to show his love. Ask him if you guys could just cuddle before bed at night. Watch a movie every Thursday together and just hold eachother.
Give little things he could do and build from there. Give him suggestions instead of leaving it all up to him and see if he follows. It gives a starting point for growing more but also can just be reassuring for you.

However, if he isn't giving you what you crave and deem necessary, don't force yourself to be with him because you love him. You need to feel his love in order to be happy, or it'll never work. If he really cares and loves you, he'll try to escape his own comfort zone to make you happy.

[AndyFo]

I believe Jessuper said it best, any relationship worth having is going to require work and if he is willing to transcend his boundaries than I think its worth taking a shot. It is unfortunate however that sometimes people just can't change, at least not always to the degree you need them too. Whatever the reasons are for their being unable to change can range from common to rare, and the more rare the reason why they can't, or won't do something, the harder it is for them to change. My point simply being that depending on the circumstances they may never truly reach the level your comfortable at and its something you will have to come to terms with.

Now I can't and I will absolutely not tell you there's no chance, there is always a chance, but you just need to make sure that you your needs are filled as much as theirs, a relationship just can not work if only one gets what they desire and the other doesn't. Give it a chance, like Jessuper said, take small steps and see where it goes. Eventually you will know if its something you can live with or not. An once you find out, listen to it and don't ignore it.

[slatyb]

You decide whether you can stay with him if it doesn’t change.