What it means when a guy rests on your shoulder and grabs your hand?

[Pink_Sakura]

A while ago I was alone with this guy I have a crush on, sat next to each other on a bus and out of nowhere he rested his head on my shoulder asking me if I minded. I was nervous but said it was ok. I didn't think to much of it because we were coming out of work and we were both tired. We only catch the bus together sometimes and that never happened again.

Although a few days ago he rested his head on my shoulder and grabbed my hand, caressing it with his thumb. The next day he did the exact same for a bit and then intertwined our hands. What does this mean? We only stay like that in the very short ride, once we are out we both act like nothing happened.

It's confusing me because my feelings developed for him before all this happened and he is giving mixed signals. When we are together he is the sweetest doing stuff that seems that he is somewhat interested in me. But then a friends told me to text him, and I did few times already and he doesn't even open the text, or gives me short answers. He feels like two different people.

Does he like me a bit? Does he not like me? Help out a confused girl please

[btbc92]

You need to ask him verbally and directly instead of expecting him to tell you what you already want. If this person is not a friend, maybe he feels like a friend to you. There is no particular meaning behind it. Anybody can do that. Friends rest on your shoulder and grab your hand. But it's about the intent of it that matters and you won't know that until you ask them. They may not always know or be aware. This is why if you already know what you want you to need to directly tell him you have a crush on him. Then let him decide what he wants or how he believes is right for him to do. But at the same time, people do all kinds of stuff without even knowing why they are doing it. It is very possible that he feels something for you, but don't know why. Some men and women especially like myself, have to evaluate WHY we do what we do, so it can come off as mixed singles to the person who already have those feelings. This is why the ones who already know needs to speak up. Instead of expecting the other the want the same thing when that may not always be the case. In most situations nowadays, even if he does he feels something for you, he needs to hear it from you. Because men are afraid of rejection. They rather be in a situationship than to come out and say it. Cowardly, sure. But if you're behaving the same he will mirror off what you're already doing. He gives mixed signals because you're giving mixed signals. He can't be direct until your direct.

To show you're giving mixed signals ask yourself this: Why let your crush hold your hand and be on your shoulder if you don't let your own friends or stranger do that? Does a crush get special privileges with no boundaries? When people feel close to you they do that. That doesn't always mean they feel the same way towards you. I can do that to anybody I love and feel close to. BUT because people like yourself (in a guy's case because I am not gay) are very sensitive to this and feel like I'm leading them on, or I get hurt because I am not going to selfishly use them for emotional needs, I don't do that. Therefore I close up, be guarded, and avoid being touched myself. If you don't want to get hurt, STOP allowing this! Simple as that. You need to ask him why are you always on my shoulder and grab my hand? He simply asked you if this was okay. You let it happen. If you don't want confusion or get hurt, you have to stop afraid and seeking the back door and go through the front the same way you want others to be direct with you. That is my only advice. This is not to be mean, offending you, judging, etc, but being tough and direct to you needs to be warranted to show you where you need to change.

HOWEVER, since you also said that this is a co-worker, BE CAREFUL with CO-WORKERS.

[Pink_Sakura]

I usually don't let this happen, I tend to cut any kind of touch because I'm always afraid of the guys intentions even if I like them. However with this one he is shy so the first time it was fine like I said I thought he was just tired and I didn't think too much about it. But since he did that both times and I just kind of freeze, I don't know what to do. I hate that I just let it happen but as you said i should be straight forward with him yes, but as you also noticed he is my co-worker and I'm not very comfortable with that. That's why I came here to get some opinions so I can actually know what to do that's mostly why I decided to ask this her. And don't worry you didn't offended me anyway I liked your answer! Thank you

[btbc92]

I've been there with people myself. And what that means is you need better boundaries and healthy self-esteem about yourself. What I learned is you can have great self-esteem in other areas of your life (family, school, etc), but with romance or making friends as examples, your self-esteem maybe low to non-existent because something in our past or what we ourselves accepted is dangerous and is hurting us that is not what God commended or said for us to do or want let alone desire. Remember that shyness is acting to test the waters. That isn't a personality trait, it's a character trait that can be handled. He maybe your coworker, but if you don't at least let that go, it may get worse and both you may still get hurt anyway. Sadly when men are like that they can unintentianally emotionally hurt you. For him he's thinking about himself and not your actual feelings. That's why you need to be direct. It doesn't have to go anywhere, but it has to give you freedom and it gives him freedom to choose what he wants to do. Because sadly it's hard to be friends with men anymore no matter what variety they came by.

[btbc92]

Sadly the greatest offenders I had suffered more hell from were SHY and nice men. But with good men, I just dealt with disappointment. From perverts and lustful men, anger. So please be CAREFUL with your heart. This is why being direct in a manner that is appropriate is better than playing games and not being honest. If your uncertain, then just say that. But you have to make sure your intent is for the right reasons before somebody and yourself get hurt.

[Anonymous]

The other guys have answered it already. But I love this, my favourite is when he lays down and rests his head on my stomach and holds my hips/waist while I stroke his hair. It’s so sweet.

[Pink_Sakura]

That's so sweet!!!

[Opinion Owner]

I know 😊

[MrOracle]

He's interested in you, but it sounds like you haven't really given him much in the way of signs or signals that you're interested in him. Also, he probably isn't a big texter, like a lot of guys, so even if you were dating, he'd probably not be much into texting. What matters is how he treats you in person.

[Pink_Sakura]

Well I gave him a present for Christmas, I know you can do that to a friend but it was something I noticed he liked it so i thought that would be some kind of hint? Also I wasn't really thinking about the texts, it was my friend that pointed out and I was like "ok but maybe he isn't into texting" and she went on and on about how guys don't text if they are not interested. Another thing, there were 2 other girls that were interested in him and were quite out there about their feelings and he even noticed before them feeling him, which made me close off and feel like another one bothering him. I know I should tell him but maybe he knows about me as well?

[Pink_Sakura]

Before them telling him*

[MrOracle]

in my opinion, you need to, at the very least, make it more obvious that you have ROMANTIC/SEXUAL feelings for him, rather than things that could be confused for mere friendship. Remember that guys are terrible at "hints", and we tend to never believe a girl likes us until she gives us undeniable proof to the contrary, so forget about being subtle: you need to make it OBVIOUS!

[Pink_Sakura]

Thank you for your genuine answers!!

[israelisevil]

They want relationship/sex

[EspressoTeen234]

He thinks your his friend I assume?

[Iron_Man]

He likes you