Can a guy change his mind and decide he wants a relationship with a girl?

[Anonymous]

If a guy wants to just date casually and talk to other women... can he change his mind about a girl and decide he wants to be in a relationship with her? Even after they slept together? Especially if she's nice to him and not pushy about anything? Do guys ever learn to appreciate a girl who has been nice, understanding, and caring? I wonder if it was an absolute mistake to offer him a place to live if he failed and lost everything in his school too. He went completely silent on me when I tried to reassure him that everything was going to be alright and if he did get kicked out... he's my friend and he'd have a place to stay and not go homeless.

I'm afraid I was to nice to him and I'm very hurt he'd rather talk to other women than me. I don't even pressure him. I've been kind. I've never fought with him or tried to add stress to him. I don't know what I did wrong nor why he just... doesn't appreciate me. When he went silent, I have not tried to recontact him. I figured I said my piece and I tried to be helpful and reassuring... I know he'll probably just forget about me. I just wish I didn't care so much or was so hopeful. If there is no hope that he'll ever come around please... let me down nicely. I'm already hurting.

[MrOracle]

Of course it's possible, but winning the Lotto grand price is also possible. But in both cases, the odds are NOT in your favor.

When a guy tells you he just wants to be casual and talk to other women, he's being honest and up-front with you, and you should BELIEVE HIM. And you should NEVER, EVER start something with a guy hoping you're going to change him, because 99.9% of the time, you aren't going to change him. This is a mistake that nearly all women make - and some women make over and over and over and never learn from - but it almost never works out for them.

When he told you he wanted to keep things casual, he was being truthful, but because that wasn't what you wanted to hear, you essentially denied his truth and substituted your own hopes in place of that, which means that when you finally have to face the truth, and face the pain that it's going to bring, it will not be HIS fault, it will be your own. He didn't lie and trick you - you lied and tricked yourself.

Turn the situation around. Imagine a guy you didn't find attractive at all - a guy you could never see yourself with. Would any amount of him being nice to you change your feelings for him and make him romantically attractive to you? Probably not.

You also need to understand how guys work: guys either fall for a girl almost immediately, or they never do. It's a rare exception that a guy will fall for a girl he's known for a while and didn't initially have feelings for. Further, sexual interest from a guy absolutely does NOT equal romantic interest - those are two very separate things for men that may overlap, but should never be considered to be the same. If you are looking for a romantic relationship, rather than just casual sex, you need to make that the ONLY option available to the guy from the start. Yes, this means many guys will simply move on, because casual sex is all they're after, but that's exactly what you want: to filter out the guys just after casual sex and be left with only the guys who want relationships like you do. But this MUST be done from the beginning - you can't convert "casual" to "relationship" after the fact. Again, it's not technically impossible, but it's got Lotto odds that are absolutely not in your favor.

[GingerGuy]

Like with women, of course it's possible, but his feelings for you would have to change (ie start to develop them).

In your case what it sounds like to me (I'm sorry to say), is that you have most definitely started to develop feelings for him, but maybe he hasn't? From personal experience, what you MUST do now to protect yourself (nobody else will do it), is talk to him and find out how he feels about you and if the relationship can become more (right now you are just risking him using you and your kindness). If he doesn't feel the same towards you, then you need to know this now and make a decision whether you continue this relationship or not. You are already hurting, so the longer this goes on the more it's going to hurt if he just decides to one day up and leave and never speak to you again. And most importantly here, regardless of what happens, DO NOT blame yourself! It's nothing to do with you as a person or you're "not good enough", it's 100% HIM! Think of it in the reverse, you have probably met really great guys before, but just not been into them romantically right? That is what it could be like for him. Nothing to do with them, it's him (you) and just not being interested. Nothing more. So please remember that. I know it's hard when you're hurting. And if he's not interested in anything more with you, you might have to cut off ALL contact with him, everything (for your own sake and feelings). You've already become invested, you can't become more and more if he's not. Only setting yourself up for more and more heartache. I wish you luck!

[Asker]

He... told me he's afraid of commitment and he's gotten out of a 5 year relationship almost a year ago. He's a "party boy " right now... I was hoping and feeling like we were growing closer. Then he stop talking for 3 days and changed his dating profile picture. I stopped talking to him for a week. He texted again and I told him that I was hurt and was developing deeper feelings. He said he didn't know and thought I was having fun and suggested that I don't get attached to him and talk to other guys and meet a lot of other folks because I deserve it...

[GingerGuy]

How long have you known him? Hearing this, if I were you I'd look out for myself now. I don't see you getting what you want from him, at least not anytime soon, so you have to do what's best for you. Limit contact with him I think, or if need be (based on your level of feelings for him), maybe have to cut it off completely with him? If you do that, you should tell him so (ie don't just ghost or anything) and don't be afraid to say exactly why, because you have developed some feelings and to protect yourself, you have to distance yourself from him. He should respect that if he's a decent guy in any way lol.

[Asker]

I've been talking to him for 3 months. Granted... he stopped talking to me when I told him that he could stay with me if he got kicked out of school and we'd figure something out but that I'm sure he'll be okay... so maybe that was too nice or too much. I did call him my friend. Because... he isn't my boyfriend. Just a guy I slept... who is a friend I guess.

[GingerGuy]

I don't think it was "too nice" as to him shows that you have some feelings, and he doesn't feel the same I don't think. He probably feels a bit awkward now, which is why you stopped talking. Like you would if it was reversed you know?

[Asker]

Ya... just I don't know. I feel like he manipulated me to have sex with him in the first place. He told me there was no one else. I didn't want sex unless we were serious... and he pushed me to it. It felt like we were going serious too... and then one day he stopped texting for 3 days and after I sent him a flirty picture... because I thought he was drowning in work and studying... I saw he updated his dating profile picture. It's been down hill... I enjoy having sex which is why I said I'm okay with being friends only after confronting him about it and him claiming that he had no idea. Some reason he has viewed my stories after going quiet. If you had no interest, I don't know why you would.

[GingerGuy]

I hear ya, some people are truly a mystery. I was in a similar situation with a woman for 8 months and she totally had me fooled. I thought we were heading to a pretty serious relationship, only to find out that not only did she not feel anything for me, but seemed to have no respect for me at all either as I was "dumped" and ghosted immediately as soon as I shared my feelings. So? Why some people do what they do, makes no sense at all sometimes.

[Asker]

Ya... I guess so. I guess I should just let go. I don't know if he'll come back again. I don't know why he has in the past. The whole time I said I like him. So he knew that I liked him... he said he came out of a 5 year relationship. I just... don't know if he truly feels nothing too... or afraid to... or just played me for sex and moved on. I've done nothing to him but be kind and understanding... I never fought or demanded more time. He has or at least had a busy schedule... I just wish he chose me over dating apps. He shouldn't be on them and studying if this test can end his career... I guess some people just are blind. I don't know... maybe I was too shy and sweet. I was just so nervous around him because I liked him.

[Asker]

If he comes back again... what should I do? Act like nothing happened? A friend said ignore him... because I'm obviously not his priority.

[MrOracle]

You can't rely on other people to have your best interests in mind - you have to protect yourself always. That means if you tell a guy that you like him, and he doesn't feel the same, you end it right there. If you don't want sex unless you are in a relationship, then you tell him that and you either commit to each other or you wait on sex (or end it altogether).

If you leave these decisions to the guys, you will get used a lot of the time, so YOU must set the boundaries so he knows exactly what his choices are and what expectations come with each choice.

[melwest2021]

My partner and I have been close friends for over 25 years and became intimate with each other 8 years ago in between break ups and separations. We both have always had a special bond and once I finally got divorced I assumed he and I would ride off into the sunset together. Nope. What did get was the famous and gut wrenching “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. After that we continued to sleep together and I continued to want more. I tried crying, “you broke my heart” blah blah. What finally caused a change was when I quit pushing for a relationship and quit sleeping with him. I didn’t make it dramatic, didn’t cry etc. My exact words were, “No one is bad the guy here. If we’re not on the same page and creating something beautiful and amazing, we’ll still be friends but I’m not going the friends with benefits with you any longer. It’s to emotionally draining for me and just being friends with benefits isn’t worth it”. We’ve been in a serious relationship now for 6 months. I don’t know how me showing I loved myself and knew my worth worked but it did :) best of luck!

[Twalli]

It's possible he'll eventually come to like you, and wants to be exclusive with you.

[Anonymous]

Yes of course could be

[Asker]

Seriously? He could actually start appreciating me and let those other women go?

[Opinion Owner]

Not easy bu possible. I hope you get him

[Asker]

And how would this happen? Like what would trigger it?

[Opinion Owner]

Your behavious might effect him. Maybe you can try to be more close to him

[Asker]

How would I do that? I've been kind and understanding.

[Opinion Owner]

Share his problem, try to make him feel good. It will happen day by day

[Asker]

I have tried. I tried to reassure him that it will be okay with his test. I told him if he hot kicked out, he won't be homeless and he could stay with me but I believe in him and that he would be okay. I even sent a little emote text with a tight hug and telling him it would be okay and I promise it would. He's been silent since. Yet he's been on snapchat... just not talking to me. He's watched my stories though.

[Opinion Owner]

Umm i see. You did your best as i understand. Be patient and let it be☺️ you are kind and nice hope you will get him ☺️

[Asker]

I've even told him that I understand his busy schedule with work. I told him that I worked fulltime while I was in school and I know busy... he just doesn't appreciate me. I caught that he changed his dating profile pictures too... told him about it and he removed me from the app but kept talking to me.

[Asker]

I don't know... I've been so patient but I guess other women are just... more desirable. I should just let him go. Clearly he makes time for them.

[Opinion Owner]

If he want you, finally he will. It is not about your being desirable or not. Its about his lifestyle

[Jessyonfire]

Yeah he might

[magiusX26]

well duh, yes.