Am I Being mean?

[aliali8]

I found a guy to be very hot physically but I had no real mental attraction to him. It was all just lust. He assumed that I had a crush on him when I didn’t. He started paying me all this attention as if I liked him. At first it was pretty good but then it just got overbearing and it just made me feel uncomfortable. So now I’m lying to him that I am getting married so he won’t annoy me that way anymore. Now he avoids talking to me.

[normalice]

Usually if you are upfront about just wanting a physical thing most guys will happily go for that.

[JesseJayNeak]

You dug your own doom

[Brianbrake]

You dont care about him, you wanted to get rid of him so why do you care now if he is avoiding you? maybe he find out your lies and he also lost interest in you, and again thats what you wanted so what is the problem?

[aliali8]

He doesn’t know that I lied to him

[Brianbrake]

It doesn't matter you dont care about him so why do you care if he ignore you now?

[aliali8]

i just wanted to see if I sound like i was mean to him

[InfoLearner]

Just tell him that you like him and that you don't love him, tell him that you don't want to hurt him and that you only like him cause he is hot.

it is hard to say, but give it a try.

[Alejandro3000]

thats awful, you should have been honest with him that you haven't got feelings for him. Getting married? now he thinks you cheated on your fiance/boyfriend. No wonder he's avoiding you.

[aliali8]

He still willingly pursued me after I lied to him that I was engaged.

[Alejandro3000]

pursue how? why do you even care, you wanted him to go away and he's avoiding you and you're still complaining.

[aliali8]

Well I tried to get rid of him by lying that I’m engaged. But when that didn’t work, I had to lie to him that I have gotten married.

[Alejandro3000]

you didn't have to lie about anything, this is the kind of bs that has influencers saying men are from mars and women are from venus. You shared an intimate moment with him you know, doesn't that matter to you? If you have respect for him at all just tell him you lied to him all that time because he couldnt take a hint that you werent interested. Guys have feelings and if he ever found out you werent married he would think you're a really awful person and that you just used him for sex. If thats how you want him to remember you okay, but i think you feel guilty.

[aliali8]

We only spoke just a handful of times. We really didn’t get to know each other much. So I’m pretty sure he didn’t have intimate feelings for me.

[Alejandro3000]

you can play it all down but you are here caring about it, why because you are human. You dont have to do anything, won't matter to me

[aliali8]

I don’t really care about it much. I just like being mean

[Alejandro3000]

thats deep. I've probably learnt more about you than any guy youve been with. Do you struggle to get a boyfriend?

[aliali8]

No actually I don’t. I’ve had many guys fall for me. But I just never liked them back

[Alejandro3000]

liking you is a bad decision 😅

[aliali8]

It wasn’t my fault he assumed that I liked him. If you’re gonna make me uncomfortable, I’m gonna do everything it takes to make myself comfortable. You’re not the only thing that matters ok?

[aliali8]

I am not responsible for your misguided assumptions either. If you assumed the wrong things , the fault is on you.

[Alejandro3000]

do you want me to stop talking to you? i am not intentionally having you feel uncomfortable, but i accept that last comment i made was mean, whoops so you are a warm blooded girl with feelings 😊 hehe. I won't assume otherwise now

[aliali8]

Usually I wouldn’t care About what u say but there are way too many men who love blaming women on here.

[Alejandro3000]

oh i don't blame you for anything, i think you're misunderstood and that doesn't help you or others. Honesty is best policy, it helps each move on with their lives. You may find this a surprise but a girl taught me about closure, because she was really hurt when her best friend just ditched her, how could anyone do this to someone so pure, she was almost perfect [almost]. I later learnt she wasn't capable of a long friendship because she was still really hurt by her best friend ditching her without closure. You dont owe anybody closure, it's your carbon footprint you decide.

[ArztSchlachthof]

What an actual... why don't you just tell him you are unattracted? He might be disappointed now, but I guess it's nothing one wouldn't survive.

[aliali8]

I can’t just walk up to a guy who never confessed directly to liking me and just say “hey I don’t like you. Can you stop talking to me”.

Isn’t that rude and too direct?

[ArztSchlachthof]

If you see that he is clearly after you and you even feel uncomfortable talking to him, then yes, you can and it won't be rude. He will be somewhat sad and maybe a little bit angry, but that's about it. Everything is better than lying, giving him false hope. Or you could just text him like every other day or so while focusing on work or whatever. That will make him realise what's going on.

Well, since he avoids talking to you, you don't need to think about it. But I guess you weren't mean or anything. Lies have short legs, though and I'd pay to see into his head when he finds out that you are actually not married. You could have stayed friends otherwise, but this will piss him off incredibly.

[aliali8]

I’m not gonna be rude to someone or sound like a bitch just to fix his misguided assumptions. I’m not gonna be responsible for your misguided assumptions. If you wrongly assume things , the fault is yours and only yours

[ArztSchlachthof]

Well, yeah, that's a respectable point of view. However, I would still prefer not to lie, but that is subjective. Anyway, as I said, you will probably have to confront him in the future if he won't forget about you.

[aliali8]

I lied to him that I was engaged , hoping that I can’t get him off of me. But he still pursued , then I just got super annoyed and eventually told him I was getting married in a week

[CreamySeed]

Secretly no one likes to be smothered with love and affection. Our brains are wired to crave rejection thats why women like assholes. If he backed off or rejected you youd be plowing his ball sack right now

[spartan55]

So why did he think you were interested?

[aliali8]

He assumed by looking at me

[spartan55]

That doesn't make any sense. You had to have said or done something.

[aliali8]

No I didn’t do or say anything to him

[spartan55]

Okay, you are leaving something out of this story for some reason. He just looked at you and started hitting on you?

[aliali8]

I am not leaving anything out. He just assumed that I liked him. I was physically attracted to him but I didn’t like him

[spartan55]

Okay, it just doesn't make sense. You obviously didn't shut him down if he kept bugging you.

[aliali8]

It’s rude to just shut people down.

[spartan55]

No it's not. Only if you do it in a rude way. So it's not rude to lie to people?

[aliali8]

Is it not rude to put people in an uncomfortable situation where you just make misguided assumptions That they like you?

[aliali8]

“Shutting people down” is inherently rude. What part of “shutting someone down“ sounds like a polite thing to do?

[spartan55]

You can shut someone down without being rude and you know it. You just didn't want to, and found it easier to lie. Why do you even care at this point?

[spartan55]

And again, there must have been some reason he thought you liked him. It doesn't add up.

[aliali8]

There is no way to shut someone down without being rude. Ignoring someone is rude. Telling someone “hey I don’t like you. Can you stop talking to me?” Is also rude.

You just seem to have a thing for blaming women.

[aliali8]

Misguided assumptions happen all the time and are quite common. Not everyone reads people well

[spartan55]

Blaming women? Wtf are you talking about? Because you are ducking any sort responsibility means I blame women... yeah okay... you are about stupid. I will guess nothing is ever your fault right? Hell, you won't even acknowledge that you lied. But keep trying to make this about me... what a fucking joke.

[spartan55]

"hey, I think you may have the wrong impression, but I am not interested. Can you please not contact me anymore?"
Wow, that was hard...

[aliali8]

So you’re basically saying that he absolutely cannot misread women? There is no such thing as misreading people?

If there was a such polite way to “shut someone down” then why haven’t you presented some polite ways to “shut someone down”.

Even the term “shutting someone down” sounds rude. Funny how you try to make it sound nice

[spartan55]

I just did... do you need me to go over it with you?

[aliali8]

[hey, I think you may have the wrong impression, but I am not interested. Can you please not contact me anymore?"]

I have to see this guy at work daily. It’s not some online dating crap where I can just tell him to not contact me anymore.

[aliali8]

It’s also super awkward to tell someone that you don’t like him when he hasn’t confessed to liking you

[spartan55]

You didn't say anything about him being a coworker until now. Again, leaving stuff out... I see a pattern here.
Hey, keep lying your ass off about being married. I don't gaf. Don't be surprised if he finds out you lied though. In the end you have no one to blame but yourself.

[spartan55]

What does any of this have to do with 'misreading people'?

[spartan55]

If he confessed to liking you and you don't feel the same then that is HIS PROBLEM. Not yours.

[aliali8]

I think you just like blaming women. Your point of coming here was not to contribute a Real answer to anything , you’re just on here to blame everything on women

[aliali8]

If he didn’t misread me, he would know I am not romantically interested in him

[aliali8]

[If he confessed to liking you and you don't feel the same then that is HIS PROBLEM. Not yours.]

He didn’t confess to liking me, which is why it makes it so awkward to just tell him that i don’t like him.

[spartan55]

Well if he is pursuing you and whatever, why does he have to confess? He obviously still wants to get with you... so, once again, what you are saying makes no sense.

[spartan55]

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not here to blame women... keep trying to make it about me though.
by the way, are you going to take ownership of your lie? Or are we just going to pretend you didn't?

[spartan55]

Your conduct is what I am blaming here, not your gender... so stop with the victim bullshit.

[aliali8]

I think you are just on here to blame women. You’re the type who never would blame a man even if he does something wrong. I can tell from reading your writing.