I had sex with one of my best friends, and now it's all weird, he's asking me to meet, but I just avoid him, I care for the guy, but I'm so confused?

[Anonymous]

We've been friends for a couple of years, hang out with friends or just us. He always takes care of me, takes me home when I get drunk, makes sure I'm safe and stay away from trouble.
Sometimes I come over to his place, he makes dinner and lets me pick a movie to watch.

And now a few days ago we were at a club with friends and he kissed me, and it was first time we kissed. And then later we went to his place... and we had sex, and he hugged me and we fell asleep like that. And in the morning we had to go to work. He wanted to kiss my lips but I just kissed him on the cheek.

And after that he asked me to meet twice. But I said I was busy... I just don't know what to do. He is my friend, I love him, care for him, but I don't think I can be in a relationship, I feel so weird when I think about what happened. I don't know what to do...
Do you think he actually loves me and wants to be with me?

[Carolus]

Love him? Love him but you don’t know what to do? And there is an open opportunity? To your eyes he’s lacking, you feel he isn’t the one, you don’t love him, to you he’s just a good friend but you love how he treats you, taking advantage of it. Just tell him it was a mistake and it ain’t happening, drop this friendship and move on (if you continue being friends, he will keep trying to win you. He’s mostly in love and sleeping with a friend who in love with you is a big mistake and 99% of men who are sweet or do sweet things for women are after something, getting laid, love, money etc. He’s mostly not after getting laid because he would have done it sooner.

[Asker]

Yeah, I agree with you. I just want to forget what happened and hang out like we used to.

[Carolus]

That’s impossible, it’s not like you got an undo button here, friends with benefits would have been an option but you two seek different things. Platonic and romantic don’t align.

[Xoxocutekitty]

Avoiding someone creates drama where there isn't any. Mature up and talk to him because it's the right thing to do. He's your best friend after all, so don't think you can treat him like a rando.

You're not obligated to give him anything, not more sex, not a relationship, affection etc. You are obligated to do the bare minimum as a friend. And sometimes that means replying back or having a conversation with him.

If this friendship dies, it would not because he may or may not have feelings, it would be because you got weird and couldn't acknowledge him as a person.

Talk to him. Maybe he doesn't want you to feel weird or doesn't want a relationship either. He doesn't want to be an asshole so he's just treating you nice, (a lot nicer than you're being by the way).

[KrisPW]

Sounds like he's catching feelings. But that doesn't mean you are obligated to reciprocate. You say you can't be in a relationship. If he's your best friend, tell him you're not ready for that.

[LZPanzer]

I think he has some level of attraction to you. I think you also have a "debt" to pay him.

If you don't think you can be in a relationship that's fine but I still think you should try. He clearly feels an attraction to you, and if you still value your friendship dating for a while and breaking up mutually will be the most likely way to preserve the friendship.

If you ditch him now after those mixed messages (oh boy thats bad) he's going to feel bitter or self loathing (depends on his personality) and the friendship is almost certain to die.

Take the scenic path you may be surprised.

[MrNameless]

Umm what.. She has no debt to pay him. She just has to to tell him how she feels about the situation. She doesn't have to force herself to go for it. Be clear about it and say it multiple times if necessary.

[LZPanzer]

I can only imagine the confusion in his mind after this event. the debt I'm referring to is that he's owed basic respect and shouldn't be used as her play thing. How she wants to pay that debt is up to her, but she does owe him something.

[MrNameless]

I think he does have feelings for you, but you need to be immediately clear and tell him what your expectations are. If you want space to think about this and aren't ready for a relationship at the moment, then you have be to clear about it. Don't beat around the bush

[magiusX26]

and this folks is one issue stemming from the friendzone.

[LegendaryIcon]

you're literally proving guys and girls can't be "just friends"

you're LITERALLY PROVING IT

[Anonymous]

He seems like he’s being totally normal. You’re the weird one in this situation.

[hi8sm3]

it takes two to tango. She is being a drama now

[Opinion Owner]

@hi8sm3 hmm.. nah, I don't think he did anything weird, this seems like all her.

[AndrésC64]

It sounds like he's not interested in a romantic relationship. That's why I'm having sex with a friend is a minefield. You don't want to ruin the friendship.

[BarryLiverstone]

He likes Sex and wants it casually. He isn’t in love. If you love his friendship talk to him

[Jmmmfi4]

Its possible he does