Do men get shy and awkward around women they only want to have a fling with?

[ShimkairCandle]

Basically do men get approach anxiety with a woman they only lust for or is it for someone they want a deeper connection with.

[SenileOldMan]

I got over that type of anxiety quite quickly once I started dating but I think I would have had much more of it, back then, if I was deeply invested in a woman and didn't just think she was very attractive.

[ShimkairCandle]

Thank you. I don't think you are very senile at all! 😂

[SenileOldMan]

It might depend on location somewhat. I never found very attractive women all that extraordinary since I lived mostly in very urban and fashionable areas surrounded by beautiful women. So it wasn't like I was investing much to approach and talk to one of those. But if I found one who was so appealing in ways that went far beyond her appearance, like I'm so fascinated by her character, or she's extraordinarily talented, then I think that would have given me more anxiety to talk to her back when I was susceptible to such things.

[ShimkairCandle]

Ahhh yes! The environment you describe is exactly where I am. No shortage of urbane and alluring women.

[SenileOldMan]

Cheers!

[SenileOldMan]

I think on top of this, I might be a bit unusual but even the most extraordinarily good-looking women don't seem that much more good-looking to me in ways that matter than women are just good-looking. I don't see much practical difference between a 10/10 and a 7/10, so to speak, for people into trying to rate people using some number. It's more binary in my case like "this woman is attractive, this woman isn't my type." Even when I was youngest and most superficial and most swayed by physical attractions, I still thought like this.

[SenileOldMan]

... as a result, I think I was a bit more resistant to being anxious about talking to very attractive women that attracted me most from a physical level (like one with whom I might only be interested in a fling, or at least at first). If I was to be anxious and starting to get nervous about the prospect of saying the wrong words or doing the wrong things, I'd have to think she's very unlike most women I can meet daily.

[ShimkairCandle]

Sooooo helpful

[Wise4myage]

Yes, and also if they are interested in dating that girl.

[ShimkairCandle]

So you mean not only lust.

[Wise4myage]

Yes, that is correct.

[ShimkairCandle]

Gotcha. Thanks! I have this beefcake, gym-rat type guy and I am just concerned he is after the cookie only. He won't make a strong move and keeps getting shyer and shyer each time we interact.

[Wise4myage]

His loss if he won't make a move.
And lol @ the word cookie.

[ShimkairCandle]

I love using that term. So your advice is to not make a move? I mean if you ask a guy when he is going to take you in a date is that asking him out?

[Wise4myage]

Yes, I think it means the same as asking a guy out. Its forward and to the point.

I like to use the words promised land, lol.

[ShimkairCandle]

Promised land is not promised hahaha. Ok so how do I get him to ask me out? I've just found it always works out terrible when a woman asks the guy out.

[Wise4myage]

Mention being single or drop hints.

[ShimkairCandle]

Ok. He knows. I know his whole family and they tell me he is shy. His mom tes me all his buisness and they say that I should get married...

[Wise4myage]

Then consider asking him out.

[ShimkairCandle]

Okayy. We'll see. I just feel it will lower my status and I will be viewed as easy.

[Wise4myage]

Thanks.

[Idiotikhumanz]

how can u expect him to want more than the cookie if y'all hardly know each other? we dont jus fall in love at first sight, when the two are new to each other its pretty much always lust... its only later into a relationship love might begin... if ur expecting a new guy to love you and want more than jus the cookie at first sight... good luck with that lol

[Idiotikhumanz]

i dont think any guy can fall in love with a girl jus from her looks LOL

[Idiotikhumanz]

i mean dont u lust after him too? u said he's a muscular chad gym rat, so ur obviously intrested in him for his body lol

[ShimkairCandle]

@Idiotikhumanz yes, i do have lust for him but not for his body. I don't like big muscles that much. I admire his dedication since he has been workong on that body for about 10 years. He was skinny before.

I've come to realise that he presents this persona to people but he is actually a sensitive, family-oreinted type of person.

We don't have a one on one relationship but his mom loves me and his sister is always trying to get us to talk when I come around. If I act reserved with him he gets nervous. If I am open with him he just won't shut up.

I guess he is used to dealing with more shallow women. He tried to talk about his money and always with the muscle shirts. He didn't get to goo goo gaga reaction he was expecting.

They are doing some repairs in their home and his sister said time that he told her that I should help with the redeco of one room.

So he and his family are just basically adopting me and he seems super happy about it.

[ShimkairCandle]

@Idiotikhumanz also, the mom always talks about him to me. And really personal things about his past too. I mean nothing is off limits.

They tell me I should get married and ask if I will marry again. Ask me if I would live in their house, etc.

[Slartybartfast]

Back when I did approach I would only do so if she had made it pretty obvious that she wanted me to. I've only asked out six women in my life and while they all said yes two I never dated but they did give me a phone number.

Now the normal approach anxiety is compounded by the male bashing witch hunt culture we are going through.

If I was just starting dating today I don't know if I'd ever approach considering the risks. I'd probably just leave dating to the creeps and STD ridden players who hit on everything with a pulse and leave a trail of baby mommas.

[Idiotikhumanz]

i dont know what the "want a deeper connection with" thing feels like, when we see a hot girl, its 99.9 percent of the time jus lust, we jus see she's hot and want to bang her, so its pretty much always lust on the first approach, unless we get to know her somewhat, so yeah... were almost always she and awkward around girls were attracted to

[Citizenkirk]

Sure, men get nervous and awkward about many of the things that women do and they're not always confident or self-assured about how they come across to the opposite sex.

[GlassTop]

They can be shy and awkward around girls they aren’t even attracted to. They may just be bad at talking, or not know how to have a conversation. But it definitely gets worse when it’s a girl they find attractive.

[riidges]

I'm socially awkward around basically anyone so anxiety kicks in quite a bit around all girls that I want to have any connections with at all. 😅

[ShimkairCandle]

Aww. I hope you can overcome this 🙏🏾 .

[ShimkairCandle]

Would it be worse if you wanted to have a relationship with a woman?

[riidges]

Thank you! It is worse when I'm going for an actual relationship but it goes away if we click right away. If that makes sense?

[ShimkairCandle]

Yes, it does.

[Jay3344]

No, if it’s just going to be a fling I tend to be more confident because of the finality of the situation.

[2021biguy]

I don't want to have a fling so I don't know but a guy could get shy around a girl he likes.

[Jamie05rhs]

Probably not. They might have a slight quiver, but they certainly wouldn't collapse into a blob on the floor like I do.

[ShimkairCandle]

So women you only want flings or friends with benefits with make you collapse into a blob in the floor?

[Jamie05rhs]

@ShimkairCandle Nope. You completely misunderstood.
I am talking about women who I want to date and have a relationship with.

I do not do flings or Friends With Benefits.

[ShimkairCandle]

You're right I wasn't clear. I am now. Thanks! 😊

[Jamie05rhs]

No problem! :)

[tommyvegas7618]

Sometimes this is very true.

[awkward_author]

That's not a problem I have. Some men do, though.

[boggboss]

Yes more then possible

[ShimkairCandle]

So which one? The lust or the "love".

[boggboss]

Both getting anxious or nervous is dont a admition of deeper feelings

[ShimkairCandle]

Is not an admission of deeper feelings. So men get nervous around women they only want to bed.

[boggboss]

Yes some men do as getting nervous simply shows a lack of confidence which any man can expirance in nearly any situation

[ShimkairCandle]

Crystal clear. Thanks 😊

[spartan55]

We generally don't think that far ahead

[cookiecrusher]

Guys who have flings aren't very deep.

[Idiotikhumanz]

or jus dont require/ want love or a soul mate, but do like sex