So there's a guy who used to be my best friend 9 to 10 years ago. We were in same school and used to play together a lot. But then we both got busy in our life and never talked or never saw eachother. And now... 5 months ago we got in touch via Instagram. Then we started texting and calling eachother and we got back our friendship again. Coincidentally our college were in same city so travel together. Yesterday we went for a movie and had lunch and then in the same evening he texted me that he had feelings for me and he want to date me. But now even once i have thought about him more than a friend and i also told him this truth. But still he is trying. I really hate this thing that he is fucking up our friendship. I really don't want to lose him but also I don't want ro date him.
Guys tell me what should I do?
😐I want him but also I don't want to date him. what should I do?
"I really hate this thing that he is fucking up our friendship."
1. He has developed feelings for you and you should take that as a compliment. Instead, you are talking as if he has committed a crime against you.
2. I doubt that he consciously set out with a plan to develop feelings for you.
3. I also doubt that he consciously set out with a plan to fuck up your friendship.
4. This is the experience that drives guys ABSOLUTELY NUTS!!! Girls wll say 'I want us to be friends first,' but if a guy is already your friend, you won't give him a chance.
5. However, if you are not attracted to him you obviously should not mislead him about your feelings.
6. Very few people can go backwards in a relationship. He has feelings for you and it is unlikely that he can now JUST be your friend and watch while some other guy comes along and you get into a relationship. Imagine if you were in his position.
7. If you can't give him a chance as a romantic partner, then pull back and expect the relationship to fade.
8. If he tries to remain your friend, it is probaly with the hope that you will have a change of heart and will give him a chance. He will stay fixated on you and he won't ove on with his life until you are gone, so do him a favor and don't encourage him to remain your friend.
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Most Helpful Opinions
Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Just explain that. You're really flattered, and you don't want to loose his friendship, but you're not interested in taking it to that level and your sorry. But depending on how strong his feelings are, he may or may not be ABLE to be friends with you still, OR, maybe need a "break" from you while he sorts them out. Just think if it were reversed and how you'd feel, that's how he's going to feel. So just respect whatever he needs. But if your friendship is "real", you're probably not going to loose that completely with him, not permanently anyway. It sucks, but be honest with him and your friendship should survive.
I can see why you donāt see him as a crush I mean you guys look like brother and sister itās freaky haha but Iām all honesty and seriousness you did the right thing you told him how you feel and itās not your faultā¦ I had a crush on my best friend and waited 6 years of my life hoping that heād have some sort of feelings back which never happenedā¦ you got to know you followed your gut and made it easy for him.. he can move on and find someone else whilst still being friends with youā¦
I wouldnāt worry too much about it if heās your best friend and a true friend at that he wonāt just let that go because you refused to date him.
I've unfortunately been there. All you can do is tell him that you are only interested in platonic friendship and the relationship will not develop any further than that. It's ultimately his choice to take that or leave it, but be prepared for him to leave it. All you can do is be upfront and honest about it.
There is conflict of interest you cannot accept him as more than friend , he cannot accept you as anything less than partner.
I don't understand when girls less he doesn't respect your boundaries , well his clear about his intentions is not lying.
Why is that when a guy expresses his feeling towards you , you villify then like a creep friendship can be the foundation of love.
I find it so devestating how guys are blamed for just having natural feelings its really selfish of women to say that they ask to respect their feelings but don't care about guys feelings.
Its upto you to decide whether you will accept his feelings or let him go but don't keep him in froendzone
That situation is always difficult. If you go on with that you will mess up your friendship 100% be sure in that, but also if he says "ok, lets be friends" expect that he will behave "strange" because time needs to pass so he can stop looking you as potential girl. But also if you keep seeing each other on daily basic it will be hard for him to let all that go. So like I said, difficult situation...
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
If you think he is good enough to give you the attention, time, and memories of being his āfriendā but do not see him as worthy of you as a partner. Get out of his life!!! You donāt deserve him!
He will find a female who seeās the qualities he has and the great things he can be to her and he will live a life being happy and loved, not used for cheap attention and moral support. Then you can continue fucking around with douchebags who treat you like shit until you hit 30 and realize you have a massive body count of garbage exs, your looks are fading and you āmagicallyā realize that he was āthe oneā the entire time.
Okay now that is unnecessary and harsh sheās not really used him at all she told him how she feels about it she sees him as a friend thatās all that matters why should they ruin their friendship to date one another I mean reallyā¦
If I was in her place which I have been Iād rather keep the guy as a friend then to sit there and ruin that for a relationship ther wonāt lastā¦.. so no she donāt need to leave his life they can support one another and Iām sure he will find someone and she will to if itās not meant to be itās not meant to be stop being silly about it
@ZainabAli123 It is a harsh truth... straight males do NOT make time in their lives for females outside of family that they do not want sexually... he does not want or need her as a friend. Her only reason for wanting him in for the attention he gives and the emotional support he will provide when she gets fucked over by the assholes she finds attractive.
You need to stop thinking that my sister got married to her boyfriend we are both Muslims and he is African Indian yet he still married her itās not about straight guys not wanting girls sexually of course he donāt heās happy to have her as a friend if he wasnāt he would have optimally left their friendship himself
Stand your ground. You did the right thing and you were honest! Now it's up to him. More then talking to him and telling him how you see it (friendship) is basically all you can do
Please tell me what the problem is here she didnāt want to fuck up her friendship with him and Iām sure that prion she made is gonna be better in the long run he will find someone and she will someone to if something isnāt meant to be then itās not meant to be.
I've had a crush on my best friend for 6 plus years but cause he sees me as an sexual object it ruined our friendship yet with her she saved her friendships
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