He wants me. I don’t want him. Help, please?

[HappyWoman34]

My guy friend of 3 years who I’ll call *Derek* has come onto me really strongly. He was preening, looking at my breasts when he thought I wasn’t looking, enquiring about my relationship status and standing really close behind me. I used to be in love with his friend, who I’ll call *Ken* but now I’m not. I do love Derek, in a sisterly way. When he asked me why I can’t want him, like I wanted his mate, Ken, when he is more interested in me than Ken was.

There is a reason. It’s because I feel no spark. I never have fallen in love with Derek and I never will. However, I love him like family and I don’t want to hurt or humiliate him, or lose his friendship. I tried to imagine him as my next lover, in earnest, after he asked me that question and the thought of being with him, made me feel sick and I burped and had to have some milk and think about something else. We’re both autistic. How do I handle this situation with delicacy?

[cince200X]

Hey HappyWomen!

We met again!

First of all, The things will not be going in your way as you said you treat him like a brother.

Better to Accept him as a next Boyfriend but now as a friend. Because his emotion is not going to change.

Now just say to him that You want him to be a Brother then he will get sad for a while but on the other hand when he needs help, try to help him. If he is insisting you then you can go some harsh but again whenever he needs help, try to help.This technique will define his limits. And after sometime he will addicted to this.

But the two main things to be kept in mind:

1. He might be physically attracted to you. So have a good observation regarding this.

2. He will want to hinder your relationship with "Ken" so never ever share any matter to him.

If he passes both test, I'm sure he will be good for you.

But Take more time and observe how long he can wait for you.

Thanks HappyWomen.

If you find this a Superb advice, Please Let me know.

[HappyWoman34]

I think it’s good advice, thank you. Ken and I never dated and I don’t fancy Derek.

[cince200X]

😊 Feeling a bit useful

[HappyWoman34]

Thanks for your help 🥰

[Hujitsu]

What the others said. He has zero chance of understanding. Sadly, not worth attempting an explanation. Amd he was never a friend, he was a suitor.

[Jrg98]

That’s a hard one.. I’ve let guy friends look but never touch and basically laid down the rule that that’s it

[Jrg98]

I also can’t dm you you have to dm me first for some reason

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, that's super awkward. I can see why you'd be weirded out - nothing worse than someone catching feelings when you just see them as a friend.

The main thing is being honest but gentle. I'd talk to Derek privately and say something like "I care about you as a friend but don't feel that way about you romantically. I'm sorry if I ever gave you the wrong impression." Make it clear there's no chance of anything happening so he stops hoping.

If he gets defensive or pushes back, calmly reiterate your boundary. Say you understand he's disappointed, but you can only offer friendship and it's important he respects that. Hopefully he'll value your friendship enough to back off.

If he keeps making it weird, you may need to distance a bit till he gets over it. But I'd give him a chance first since you've been friends so long. Just don't feel bad - you can't force feelings that aren't there. With any luck he'll appreciate your honesty and things can go back to normal. Good luck - it's never fun turning someone down!

[HappyWoman34]

Yeah, it’s always awkward.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh totally, I can only imagine how awkward this must be for you. Dealing with emotions and relationships is already tricky enough, but adding autism into the mix must make it even harder to navigate sometimes. Props to you for being brave and dealing with this head on though, instead of avoiding it. I'm sure it'll be an uncomfortable conversation with Derek no matter what, but ripping off the bandaid is the best move.

Maybe start by reassuring him that you really value his friendship. Then be straightforward but gentle that while you care about him, you just don't have romantic feelings and don't want to lead him on. Hopefully he'll appreciate your honesty in the long run. It might get awkward between you guys for a bit, but that's better than letting him keep thinking there's a chance, you know? Try not to stress too much, you seem like a really caring friend just trying to do the right thing. I'm sure things will settle down once everything is out in the open. Just stay true to your feelings - it'll all work out!

[TonyMetal___86]

Miss kat always falls in the mission impossible criteria 😄

You have to sit with him and make him understand everything you have mentioned in here...

Love doesn't comes by force, it's either you love or not!

Only an idiot would force someone to love him/her!

Like why does he feels sad if you say no? In contrary, he must thank you for being honest with him and go search for someone else, there are billions of girls out there, why to only focus on someone who doesn't have any feelings for him!

He needs to grow up!

[Enginn]

If you are both autistic then it shouldn't be a problem. You have that in common.

[HappyWoman34]

Yes, but that’s not enough to result in physical attraction. Chemistry. The same as you being non autistic and a fat ugly woman being non autistic means you may think similarly, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to want her, even if she’s a really awesome person. You’d be more likely to love her like a brother loves his sister, wouldn’t you?

[Enginn]

there's some truth to it. My preference of women are the fit ones. I dont know your preference of men so can't be much help. I'd say just do what you want.

[AngryCarl]

Tell him to go fuck himself. Problem solved.

[LiamS95]

Tell thr truth in the sweetest way you can.