He doesn't want a relationship, but he doesn't want to lose me?

Question

I completely fell for this guy because the way he treated me was so beautiful. We spent some nice moments together, but he is not long after a break up and he is not ready for a relationship right now. But he told me he doesn't want to lose me because of that.
And I don't know why but it really hit me and I feel almost same like when my ex was leaving me. I feel so empty and weird. I felt like I completely lost him. I can't now ask him out because I will feel like I'm pushing him into something he doesn't really want. I feel so broken which is pretty stupid but I think illusion her gave me made my mind steps too far into the future which is never going to happen.

I don't really know what to do because I don't want to date anyone else.. I feel like we are so great but met in so wrong time and it's completely killing me

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

@ MeganForreal - right on... you are way too in love with him at this point. It's good you are asking this question. what you need is action on your end to cut him off completely.

Let's face it... lots of stories out there... they were dating a woman for a long time, they broke up... he met someone new and married in 6 months...

when a guy wants you, he will do anyting for you.

My boyfriend was obssessed with a woman for 11 years. When he met me, i made him cut her off... he was having a hard time letting her and her kids go...11 years... that he was in love with...

But for me, he let her (and those kids that he loved so dearly ) go.. he could have told me, he needed time to heal. To be single for awhile but to keep me around.
He could have said, he doenst have the money to date me (becasue I like all the finer things in life) but doesn't want to lose me... he did say something like that along the line... but he keep being the good boyfriend and we work things out. I helped him heal, moved on and we have been together 2 years now.

When a man wants you, he wants you.. dont let a man use you and string you along...

that woman of 11 years strung him along...11 yrs!!!

so for you, find a man who will make you the happiest woman, make you whole not make you feel like you do now.

Right now, i love my boyfriend and can't wait to see him this weekned. He misses me as well... This is the kind of love you desert.
xoxo

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Ok I was in a similar situation
So me and my boyfriend were together for nearly 2 years but 4 months ago, we broke up over an argument and he wanted to focus more on his career
But he still wanted to be friends
So he kept contacting me several times a week and wanting to hang out to places every week
I was waiting for 4 months for him to change his mind but he didn't
So I decided to see another guy who was interested in me
He found out about this new guy and got upset
Then he confessed that he still loves me and wants to work things out but he wish me the best with this guy and cut contact with me
Then few days later, I sent him a long message saying how I love him but I need commitment. If he doesn't give me the commitment that I need then I will be long gone.
And you know what happened?
He called me up straight away and wanted to meet up
So we met up and he said "Im still in love with you, I want to make it work, I don't want to be without you"

So.. point is:
Distance yourself abit from him
He will definitely notice
If he truly wants to be with you, he will make it work.
If a guy really likes a girl, he doesn't want any guy to have her so he will snatch her up quick

Usually guys that say he doesn't want a relationship because of this and that... are usually bullshit.
They just want to keep their options open.
So be careful on this one.

MeganForreal · Accepted Answer

I hate to say this n dont want to sound mean but fact of reality is he doesn't like u like u like him. He wants to have his cake n eat it 2. He wants the great things about u but doesn't want to give u commitement thats selfish. Secondly dont ever lower urself to that. Your alreqdy making excuses for him saying were so right for each other but he just got out of a relwtionship well thats bull. If u were so right u would be together no questions asked.. no u dont need to ask him out you need to distance urself from him completly in the small chance he might wake up n see 2hat he's missing n come back but i seriously doubt that as well

Slightyconfused · Accepted Answer

You could tell him you're willing to try when he's in a better place, but for him to try to make you exclusive to only him when he's not willing to do the same seems selfish. I would be open to dating him later on, but don't wait around for him and miss opportunities.

rjroy3 · Accepted Answer

Hate to say it, but have been in this exact scenario from the guys side of it. I wasn't ready for a relationship post breakup, but I thought I was only to find out afterwards that I wasn't ready. So I "broke up" with her two weeks into seeing eachother, even tho we weren't together yet. I didn't want to lose her, but I wasn't ready to be with anyone at all. Even tho if I was to be with anyone at the time I wanted it to be with her.

If it's anything like my situation it is just an issue of time. But it sucks for you, because it's entirely dependent upon him. Only he knows when he is ready, but do you want to put your life on hold for him? It could be awhile and you are going to meet other guys that you'll like eventually. For your sake I would say give him space, but also don't wait around for him. Don't go looking for love, but don't hide yourself from what else is out there right now. He has to figure his stuff out for himself and you don't want your heart on the line in the midst of that. Maybe you'll both be available when you're better for eachother. Feel free to try again down the road if that's something you still want and it's been awhile (months)

Ferruccio · Accepted Answer

hey, you got it all wrong. listen, this doesn't mean he's not into you. if he took extra care and effort to treat you well, he must have something for you. listen. for a guy to have a heavy breakup, he needs some time to recover. he can';t just jump in onto the next relationship. it is perfectly normal, and just needs his time for closure.
he needs time, thats all. and that he doesn't want to lose you means he might still care for you. please be patient. if he is really worth it, you will wait for him. dont rush it. love should not be rushed. i hope you will feel better. let me know if u have further questions, regards.

ChronicThinker · Answer

If he won't have you as a girlfriend, then he doesn't want you as much as he should.

Anonymous · Answer

I get that you have a need to understand his reasons, but simply understanding something is not an automatic solution to problems. Your problem is not that you have an unreciprocated crush, it's that you lack love in your life and instead of activily searching for it you are staying in a place where there is none. If you could virtually re-live his whole life and finally "understand" everything, the outcome would still be the same. Why waste so much energy on trying to understand and justify simple incompatibility? Get rid of hope and plans for future, you gotta like someone 100% the way they are at this very moment. Not 5 or 10 years from now, not when the circumstances are better, it's about having it great right now and trying to keep it that way. YOU did not lose anything. Neither did he. And neither did or would you gain anything. Simply because you are not looking for the same thing. His rational self is trying to tell you but his penis is sugar coating it. Not only is he not a match for you, he is also being an asshole for prioritizing his sexual needs over your feelings. If he had any decency he'd walk away without adding that lamest 'but I don't want to lose you' bs ever. Wish him well and go after what you really want! Guys like this will keep messing you around until you break the pattern. Accept as many first dates as you can regardless of anything! Then see if there are 4 C's:
1. Chemistry - you should know if there is chemistry after first date, if you are not sure there is not
2. Communication - enjoying conversing, talking goes smoothly
3. Commitment - you both said yes to each other
4. Compatibility - you both want the same things, have same values

These 4 C's develop (or not) pretty early on if it's the right person, and you would have to be the dumbest idiot to miss the sings when all matches. So don't worry just be strict about what you want and apply the filter with more discipline. Save yourself (and the guy) the misery of getting to the unneccessery point of getting hurt when you already see that 1 or even 2 C's are missing in your case (Commitment and Compatibility).

Move on, he'll be fine, chances are he won't change ever anyway. I know plenty of them like that, still living a bachelore lifestyle in their 30s, 40s... some are damaged to point of no return, and some are happy living like that with no plans to change.

LordTargaryen · Answer

Feel you. Fell for that wonderful guy, we really get along great. He also went through a breakup that left him somewhat emotionally upside down and he told me that, although he does like me, he doesn't feel romantic attraction. He was really cute about it, like genuinely sorry and to some extent feeling stupid for not feeling the same way I do. Be also said that he was afraid to lose me.
Guess what? I'm gonna stick with him, no matter what. Things can change, after all, and even if not, he's still a good friend. I'm just going to give him some time, and if the way he feels doesn't change, I'll start looking for options again.

Jared2245 · Answer

I just got out of a relationship with some one I wanted to spend my life with and she wanted to do so also untill she lost interest I'm not saying your guy is losing interest in you it's just some of us guys have trouble learning to love and this is gonna sound fake but we get scared that we're gonna get hurt again and it's hard to open up with someone new after you poor your life into something that meant so much to you. But I guess what I'm trying to say is stay by his side even tho he's not ready for another relationship. Once a guy realizes that a girl is staying by him even tho he's not ready it'll let him know that you care and you're there for him which will make him more comfortable in opening up and letting you in. That's how a lot of us guys work just try this he'll come around we always do and sometimes we shouldn't but we still do. I wish you the best hope this helped

Tessi · Answer

Thing about men that females seem to not notice (or not mention) is that usually when a guy actually falls for a girl he will jump in the deep end, no half measures, it's all in.

That said, sometimes men don't have their all to offer at a given time, be it because of past relationships, personal problems, stress, whatever.

My advice would be to detach from him a bit, create some distance, he'll feel your abcense and that will make you jump right to the top of his priority list.

We never realise what we had till it starts slipping away from us

ScaryCool · Answer

How long has it been since his last relationship? I'm in the same boat and it does happen where you're not ready just yet but at the same time wanting to keep getting closer with someone. Give him some time but if you feel in your heart that he's just stringing you along, no progress being made, then move on. Not all guys are the same, unfortunately/fortunately.

missaquarian · Answer

Cut the sex thing and see if he still wants you to stay.

Buzzby · Answer

I was in a relationship for 14 years. Were both professional working people.
We lived together off and on. But our relationship was stronger in so many ways. We did things together on our weekends where our working week we did our own thing.
What I am saying is. We all like our space. Take your time don't rush it. Speak to him. But don't pressure him into something that he's not ready.
I hope he sees that you are good for his future?

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Girl don't waste your time back in my younger years I was so deeply inlove with this guy. He told me I love you but we need to break up. I didn't want to fate other guys because I was so inlove with this guy to the point I picture my sel marriage with him. Long story short he get back with his ex girlfriend. Girl he isn't worth your time find a men that will d9 anything to be with you.

Kenni · Answer

Just be patient. If he doesn't wanna lose you, he'll realize soon that you're the one he wants. Just give him time and keep being the way you are with him. That's what's helping him and what will make him realize that it's you.

jaidee · Answer

Can't you see each other from time to time, so he has some space and yet taking baby steps towards the future?
Of course, the answer may be a resounding "no", but better cover all your options and leave no stone unturned.

Paulzm1 · Answer

This guy is just using for SEX and he does not want a commitment, Don't give him any more SEX unless you agree with friends with benefits only, SEX after Marriage, or just quite wasting time with this guy, there's plenty of good guys out there that want a serious relationship

lenav_1 · Answer

Be honest and tell him what you think of. I mean he's just going through a taff time and he has to recover from that relationship so just stay friendly and dont put pressure on that situation.

RingOfFire · Answer

Focus on YOU. You do not need to rush into a relationship. Maintain the relationship with him, focus on other things in your life that make you happy and in time you will know if it is right or not. You have to be able to be you first because there are times when that will rescue you from the kind of quandary you feel you are in now.

Joker8 · Answer

He likes you but doesn't trust women in general, he wants you but is scared to repeat the last experience... what you can do is stay the way you are and keep close and earn his trust slowly and learn about his ex and make him know your different than her

GreatGooglyMoogly · Answer

I'm in the same exact boat, just change the genders. It's tough, but you could try to remain friends and see what happens. I told her even if she isn't ready for a relationship, I'd like to remain friends.

Anonymous · Answer

Be straightforward with him. Let him know that you have an interest in him, and see what he says. If he says "not right now" or something like that, ask him when. Don't let him by without a yes or a no because anything else is an unfair answer to both of you.

Rei13 · Answer

You didn’t do anything wrong and your feelings are valid. You might be a rebound and if he truly wants to be with you he will do anything to make that happen. It is okay to walk away. It will hurt for awhile but you will get through it

SarahsSummer · Answer

You need to fill your body and mind with healthy activities that don’t involve him you can’t be around him or even interact with him right now. Protect yourself and stay busy and away from him. In time it’ll be easier.

Sarisalive · Answer

You should give him time to heal. And if it's suppose to happen then it will happen. Try to not think so much about it and try to put your focus more on other areas of your life, especially the ones that need to be worked on

ines_ou · Answer

How did you met the guy? If its on online dating apps... then maybe the breakup is not really the cause..

fetbobo · Answer

Take it for what it is... don't raise expectations. Some people take longer time to make such decisions

sweetpeababygirl27 · Answer

i don't like how when women friend zone men they claim it makes us heartless and evil, but men can friend zone us or lead us on and that's just how that game goes. he is basically friend zoning you but with benefits. you could be a placeholder until his ideal women comes along. sometimes you have to walk away to increase your value.

justabuddy · Answer

Here is what you do. You tell him you understand his situation and when he is ready you will entertain another date. Also inform him that you will continue to date other guys in the mean time. Than limit your contact with him.

One of two things is happening. He has wounds that need healing or he is just playing games. This shows your continued interest in him while protecting yourself from the game. Also indicates the fact that you are not a push over.

Slee93 · Answer

Sounds like me and the guy I used to date. Turned out he never wanted to date, no matter how much time passed. I gave up but I regret it, if you can endure eternal torments better than I did try to stick around

Pinay_ako · Answer

He’s playing you and keeping you for NOW to entertain his lonely self! Gather yourself and be strong enough to walk away. You deserve better.

YangBH · Answer

did he told u directly that he ia not ready for a relationship? if that is the case then leave him for awhile. let him think.. at least he was honest about it.

Finchie40 · Answer

Yea he is playing you, so he can bang other girls, don't give him sex anymore and don't fall for his bullshit

DermalPunch · Answer

This is so common. He doesn't want to lose ACCESS to you. He doesn't give a 💩 about you at AAAAAALLLLLL!

Anonymous · Answer

He wants to have fun with more women before he settles for you the rest of his life. If he even decides to.

robkort · Answer

Give him some room. Let him alone for a while and see what happens. If he is really that into you he will chase after eventually.

Anonymous · Answer

Thers nothing u can do just give urself some time knwurself better frst ND think about the past which caused u this feel just think like a third person ND give him some time make him settle ND express urself if no then move on somethings can't be changed but allow him to give his version

outside_Toronto · Answer

I don't know why you'd wanna stay with someone who only wants you as an option. that's what I'm reading here.

dan_can_fixit · Answer

Bad coffee is still bad coffee... even in a different cup

angeldarling · Answer

He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Men are like that sometimes. Actually most of the times.

DreamLife7 · Answer

He doesn't like you enough to be with you. He doesn't care about you He just wants you around to keep him from getting bored until he meets his dream girl. You're not his dream girl. Move on

samalbubu · Answer

Take a break from the relationship treat him as friend and wait for the right time to come

ladyTokez · Answer

I'm going threw the same thing... honestly its fight or flight situation in my eyes but oh yeah he doesn't want to b with u rite? ... that shits embarrassing I fuckin got played and m

Cerealkiller27 · Answer

So have a friends with benefits relationship. Where you are both free to find what is right for you but you still get to hang and bang and enjoy each other's company.

Sir_Diamond_Nipples · Answer

So basically he wants an open relationship but with even less responsibility 🤔

nawtee_me · Answer

Ask him if he wants to just hang out as friends for now. That way you two can work towards something together

EaterPeter · Answer

Pour your heart out on piece of paper or on smart device save it refine it and send it when you can't take it any more

Anonymous · Answer

Get out Unless you want to waste your time until he figure our his life out. g dp

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

Wow what a crock of shit I feel so sorry for you case you deserve better

Skullpool · Answer

If you want something serious with a man, do it for who he is and not how he traets you when you are in love

Anonymous · Answer

He is a player... Wants your body... Nothing emotional

Rodrigo321 · Answer

Patience is the only way to reach and understand real love. So... Be patient ;)

hiprockquantumceo · Answer

I'm 8n the same situation and have been 3 years its just stressful and takes a toll mentally... I'd run fast

cb24l · Answer

Or hunting the bastard don't know what he wants so let him go and break his heart.

akire101 · Answer

Maybe he just trying to be nice but not interested..

MrBillH · Answer

If you want a relationship, you need to move on. If you're ok with just meaningless sex, then enjoy

male8266361 · Answer

I think he needs time. Leave him for a while but still be friends

Erik87e · Answer

He's being controlling and doesn't want to settle for you but doesn't want you to seek someone else.

Edixx07 · Answer

Become is sexfriend to keep him around and when he's ready for it, ask him out ;-)

SpiritBear · Answer

Just stay friends, and stay close.

TinaSP · Answer

He doesn't want to lose sex with no strings

Merely · Answer

Just wait and when he's ready, he's ready.

Har13ykay · Answer

I think give him time to think

Kilamanjargo · Answer

Find a real man who isn't gonna joke you around.

nturaverageakh · Answer

Thats just a friend then isn't it

He doesn't want a relationship, but he doesn't want to lose me?

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