Man says he doesn't want a relationship but doesn't want to lose what we have?

[Anonymous]

I met a man 2 years ago at work...we connected right away...i thought he was attractive but wasn't really sure he was my type...we started talking and had a connection right away...we ended up being intimate..he showed signs of jealousy of a guy at work

I've never been so connected to a man and felt so comfortable even with my ex husband for 13 years...i truly believe this person is my soulmate...he got me to open up to him, brought me around his son

He tells me all the time he cares about me and has never had a connection with a woman like this either...maybe its just words?

He invited me last year with his family Xmas eve and after many drinks on his part he admitted that he does love me, he thinks about me every morning and night before he goes to bed but he can't love me the way I need him to.

He was involved with someone and after a year was going to visit her, I confessed my true feelings and he told me that even if he felt the same way it wouldn't be realistic

I have children, as does he, and he said that he didn't want to take on someone else's kids

He did tell me in the beginning he didn't want to be in a relationship but not saying that he would change his mind

He has always been upfront with me and I though I could handle just hanging out and being friends

We stopped hanging out for a while and have been hanging out again...i try to convince myself and him that I am just fine with being friends and he tells me he knows that my emotions are still there and if we are intimate its dangerous to our friendship, he likes things the way they are

I truly believe he has feelings for me but is afraid to let me know, his actions say things too...

But I am unhappy because I am in love with him and have never been in love like this but he tells me he doesn't want a relationship with me

So, I've been considering just ending all contact and when I do this he brings me back in

if I stop contacting him I will miss what we have, but if I stay I miss and want to spend more time with him

What to do?

Please help, I'm dying here!

Updates

+1 y

And he also always says he wants me to find someone that will give me what I need...even goes to the trouble of telling me he will pay for the dating website...WTF is that?

Yesterday I told him via text how I felt and couldn't lie to myself or him anymore of my feelings and I shouldn't have to feel bad about them

He replied that he had a lot going on and didn't wnat to deal with this today and that I shouldn't feel bad about my feelings, just don't tell me about them

[Jeaniene]

Maybe he really likes you as a friend but feels bad because he knows that you are in love with him. I know that you want to believe that he has romantic feelings for you but the fact remains that he is only offering you friendship. Take him at his word and move on. Trying to force things will only push him away. If you cannot handle being friends with him, then limit your contact with him or end all contact. I feel for you--it will not be easy--but it is better to walk away from a situation like that. If he has romantic feelings for you, he may eventually come around and be willing to give you the relationship you want. If that does not happen, you will just have to accept it and do your best to get over him.

[Sayaka1202]

Wow. That is super complex. I hope everything goes well, I would really like to read someones advice on this. I hope there is someone on this forum who can help you.

[ngreenw]

Why does he think he can't put into a relationship what you need? Guys don't really say things like how much he likes you if he doesn't mean it, so what gives? Is it just the children thing? I know loads of people who have even married when they both have kids from past relationships... not to put ideas into your head, but what are his reservations, have you asked him?

[Asker]

Well, he has said that he hasn't been the greatest father to his kids and how can he be a good role model for mine and he has a lot going on with his kids

I told him I wasn't asking him to be a daddy to my kids, they have one and he said yes, but if you are in a relationship with someone that's the role you need to be

I think he also feels he may not be able to support us and men always want to feel that they are the provider

And he always talks about me finding someone that will give what need

[TheMasculinist]

he just wants to be booty buddies.

[Asker]

Ummm...i don't think its that...being that we have only been intimate 7 times in the 2 years and actually he turns me sometimes

[TheMasculinist]

HONEY! READ YOUR UPDATE! REEEEAD the words. Listen to the fact that he is flat out TELLING you he doesn't love you, never will. In psychology they say if you actually LISTEN to a person they will tell you everything you need to know. What you need to know is he doesn't CARE about you. He likes you, maybe you have had sex before, maybe you have a good friendship, but when he LOOKS AT YOU, he KNOWS he doesn't care or love you.