Guy doesn't want a relationship?

[datingquestions]

Okay I went on four dates with a guy. I left my number at a restaurant and he asked me out. He was my server. First date, his friends BBQ. Second date, ice cream with my friends. He came even though he wasn't hungry. Third date, he took me to Pechanga Casino. Fourth date, dinner with his friends and cuddled for two hours at his house but no kiss.. The first three dates he would text right after the date, like a random comment or see if I made it home safe. After fourth date... nothing. No text.

What happened? Well two weeks go bye and we text each other, but not as frequent, but he didn't ask me out again. I decide to ask what happened?

He said when he broke up with his girlfriend two years ago he had fun with girls and doesn't like to do that anymore. Then we went on saying he thinks I am definitely cute and have a chill personality but thinks I want more and he is not at that point in his life. So he didn't want to kiss or move forward.

Really he is saying he doesn't want a relationship ... with me... right? Anyway I accepted it but why did he still cuddle and make an effort during dates if he knew he wouldn't ask me out again.

Thoughts?

[perfectspace]

i am telling you from personal experience...and having just recently been in the exact situation...this guy realized ON the fourth date...probably WHILE cuddling with you ...that you are someone he could see himself in a long term relationship with... it has nothing to do with not being over his ex. it has nothing to do with leading you on...or putting in effort knowing he wasn't going to ask you out again... it is purely that while cuddling he came to the realization that he really could see something with you.

why he didn't ask you out again ..is pretty simple...

whether it be he thinks he needs to work on himself...just needs to be alone because of things going on in his life currently...trying to get his life together before trying something with someone new... or just plain scared of putting himself out there again.. he isn't ready.

he did the way more respectful thing then most guys would...by not hooking up with you... he probably ( and this is what I did) spent those two weeks...trying to figure out if being with you was something he could do at this point in his life...and the conclusion he came to was no...and he was very upfront and honest about that with you. be happy that he wasn't the typical douche that would even after realizing this ...still hook up and try and sleep with you...and then not call or anythign.

seems to me like you have met one of the rare actually nice and honest guys out there.

anyways...you already picked the best answer for this question...but I thought you should have a male perspective from someone having been in this almost exact same situation recently.

hope this helped

Brian from www.ideabombs.com link

[datingquestions]

Wow, that did help! Thank you for your detailed advice. Can you tell me your similar story so I can compare? But do you think that if he met the perfect girl he would be 'willing' to be in a relationship? Maybe I wasn't that girl.

[perfectspace]

Well I had broke up with my ex girlfriend two years prior..met someone who after the second date realized was someone I could see myself with for a long time..freaked out about his because I was terrified..spent some time really thinking if I was ready or not as a person. I decided I was ready ( having spent the last six months working on myself and personal issues that needed fixing) and got into a relationship with her...

[perfectspace]

But just because you meet the perfect person ..doesnt mean you are ready for them at that point in your life.... you have to be ready mentally and emotionally to successfully welcome potential love into your life :)

[datingquestions]

Well thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me. I like this guy but I am moving on. I just needed to know what was going through his mind.

[perfectspace]

You are very welcome...i am glad I could help!! :):)

[BaseballGurll]

Wow this just helped me out in a very similar situation ... Thanks..

[FrustratedInLuv]

Wow, I am actually going thru a similar situation. He's not ready yet since he is recently broken up, is buying a house and getting his ish together before he jumps into another relationship. He is one of those rare ones like you say....but I'm still on the fence on whether I should wait or not. Thx for your honesty and clarity!

This is my situation: https://www.girlsaskguys.com/Relationships-Questions/225162-guys-should-i-let-him-go-or-stay-friends-and-see.html

[singitout22]

dude this Is what I am going through right now with the girl I am talking to. We both really like each other but she doesn't want to get into a realationship because she doesn't want to hurt me seens she is not ready to get serious. But she know that I care about her and see us together when she has figured out some things in her life.

[MadHatterni]

He might of didn't want to keep giving you those mixed signals, or he realised he wasn't ready and remembered his ex and he's at that point where he needs to still get over her. Its a feeling we all tend to relate to because we date, we love, then there's lost and some people can get over it faster then others. He simply just wants to be friends but doesn't trust him self enough to hang out with you again because he doesn't want to stir anymore memories or mixed feelings

[Anonymous]

Hes not over his ex plain and simple. Had this happen to me TWICE, and they both come backs later on telling me the REAL reason. I bet you hear from him down the line but don't give in to it. Honestly, you don't go hang out with someone kiss and cuddle and than realize you don't want a relationship with them. Its 100% him not you. I know its difficult, and honestly I bet he's taking out another girl this week and is gonna end up doing the same thing to her. These guys that are not over their ex's tend to do this until they find a girl that replaces their ex(who usually are extremley similar to the ex) or they try things with their ex again. Of course he can't take you out on another date or make a move because if it continues that way before you know it you'll be thinking you two are a couple, and that's the last thing he wants. He knows your a good girl and obviously knows that using you for sex would be wrong. Do not worry and become insecure about this, he did NOT realize on the fourth date that he wasn't into you...he never was into having a relationship in general to begin with..he needs to get over his ex before trying to date...and how do I know its his ex?..because he brought her up, and what he says makes it so obvious!

[datingquestions]

Thank you so much for the advise. But why did he still cuddle for two hours on our fourth and last date probably knowing I wanted more (and he didn't) and knowing he wasn't going to call?

[Opinion Owner]

Cuz he's a guy! I don't know what they are thinking at the time...I think it really has to do with being confused...most of the time when their cuddling their actaully thinking about their ex and replacing that void that they miss..thats why after they get weird, and disappear..my ex and I have been broken up for 3 years and to this day he tells me he can barley get past a 3rd date without missing me and wishing I was them..and I'm sure that's exactly what went on in your situation..

[Opinion Owner]

Whatever you do don't contact him..usually these types resurface in a few months, and want to take you out again, but plz don't entertain him if he does, because he will only do it to you again..

[datingquestions]

Thank you so much!

[perfectspace]

This is another example of something you should...when asking why a guy does something...it is usually a good idea to listen to guys opinions.

[anonymous123]

I truly do not understand why a guy would do this so all I can do is guess. Maybe he was still getting to know you and just wanted to make sure that he doesn't want to be with you. Maybe he was feeding you a bullsh*t answer because he found someone else he prefers better and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying that he is no longer attracted to you.

I think all of the dates should have been a hint that he wasn't that serious though. I mean three of them were with friends attached! Someone serious would want to get to know you with no people around. Maybe his friends affected his decision to not go out with you as you mentioned you had 4 dates 2 of which were with his people. Maybe they put him off you and he wanted their final opinion.

[madmisskelly]

He may possibly jus not want a relationship at all. It may have nothing to do with you. I think his actions- like all the dates are speaking loud an clear. You guys never really had a one on one date, not even on the first date. The first date is one of the most important ones because its meant to get to know someone- so for him to make that and the other dates so impersonal kinda hints that he isn't into anything serious.

I think he tried to cuddle with you for the same reason that anyone wants to cuddle- it fun and it feels good.

[Tamikaze]

Easy, at that moment he did not know he would not ask you out again. It wasn't until he hit the crossroads of having to decide against a casual fling and knowing that if he saw you again, he would be tempted, that he realized he wasn't going to go out with you again. He's not ready for a relationship and dating you helped him to face that. I think this is a prime example of how guys need time to figure out how they feel about things.

[John83]

He may just not want a relationship with anybody yet. Sound like he's still having trouble getting over his ex. Sometimes you don't know whether you're ready to get into a relationship again until you've been out with someone a few times to see how you feel.

[sonic241928]

Most likely, he was trying to figure out what he really wanted by dating you, and when he came to his conclusion, he honestly told you how he felt. Sounds like a good guy, that's what I would do. Best of luck.

[NMMan]

It sounds like he's not at a place in his life where he's ready to commit to a relationship (which he did mention), but at least he told you that up front - there are plenty of guys out there who just wouldn't contact you at all afterwards.

[Dela1111]

Obviously he doesn't want a relationship with you, anybody with common sense could see that.

[itzzxhypnotik]

I agree, but wouldn't have used these exact words to answer lol.

[bayjell654]

He had a girlfriend for 2 long years and broke up, he probably still wants some of that affection because he misses it, but he doesn't want sex or a relationship...

[Cartiphilus]

It sounds like to me he's turning into a limp wrist.

[noricat]

Maybe...he just ain't that into you?

[iwbym]

ego