This guy I like won't sexualize me?

[Anonymous]

i’m talking to this guy i met on tinder and everything had been going really really well. but i realized every time things get a bit flirty he just will keep it so PG like he wanted to see a top i bought which just so happened to be very low cut (my boobs are massive mind you) and he like completely avoided it he told me i looked pretty and he loved the color. But the way in which i took the picture was intended to be more on the sultry side but he just had a very tame reaction, its almost as if he was avoiding the elephant in the room entirely.

normally guys who are almost uncomfortably forward make me feel objectified but this situation almost makes me unattractive? I have heard that when men like you they may be less inclined to sexualize you so quickly but im just not sure thats true.

[Graci_e]

Not to be rude but that’s a little sad. Guys shouldn’t objectify you, that behaviour is disgusting and disrespectful. A guy objectifying you is not complimenting you. He sees you as a useable object, not a person. He doesn’t see you as pretty, smart, loving, kind, special, strong, passionate - he sees you as a play toy. That is not a compliment, that’s derogatory.

You do not need a guys sexual approval, or any approval of any kind to be beautiful or a nice person. That comes entirely from within. You need to love yourself, you shouldn’t rely on some silly boys to do that for you.

You don’t need to send sexual photos for someone to pay attention to you, to make you feel wanted. You are wanted and you are loved, and I hope you come to feel that way.

A lucky guy one day will see you as the most beautiful, loveable, sweet, kind, strong, intelligent, important, special person there is in the whole world. But you have to learn to love yourself for that to happen.

[Asker]

no no that wasn't rude at all thats exactly what i needed to hear , that was really so sweet of you, it think i'm so used to only being valued for my body and what it can provide for others that im surprised he isn't jumping at any opportunity to sexualize me. tysm again it really helped

[Graci_e]

I’m glad I could help.

I used to feel the same sorta way because of things that happened to me. One of them being my boyfriend at 14 forcing me to have sex with him and his friends seeing and talking about me as if I was a pretty play thing. That was just after I was starting to get myself back after some abuse by an older man.

That destroyed my self esteem and self worth, and I started talking to guys that used me - and I relied on that to make me feel good.

I felt the same way, that my body was my value and that it was for other people. So I understand. But you’re so much more than that and worth so much more.

This guy sounds like a nice guy, that’s how guys are supposed to treat you. He may not be ‘the one’ but he could be a good lesson in what you deserve as long as he treats you right.

It does get better though, no guy gets away with any shit towards me now haha. You’ll be just fine.

[laurieluvsit]

If you have a very sexual nature, you need to find a guy, or guys, with a very sexual nature to be compatible.

This doesn't sound like the type of guy you need, keep looking.

[Jamie05rhs]

@laurieluvsit He's just being modest. He's hiding it.

[RuthlessAggression]

Likely thinks you're testing him to see what kind of man he is. See what he's "truly after". He may be "passing with flying colors" according to you, I would imagine.

However, what were you more expecting him to say or do. I mean, I get it. You wanted him to basically make comments about them, knowing that men find boobs to be a "sexual" object, even though by definition, they're not meant to be (since if you're breast fed, that's what they're for). I was not. I was formula fed, so, to me, they're still a sexual object. Especially because men don't have them. Unless we're so fat that we have something called "moobs".

But, as I was saying; What was it that you were wanting him to say or do (whether it was a test or not). I mean maybe I'm not the best with flirting or being suggestive but, what was it you wanted to HEAR, or SEE?

[ohshee]

You have to admit this is kind of funny in certain ways because you're saying most guys would be all over you.
Don't like that but then there's one guy it's trying to respect you and not being such a hurry and you're complaining about it you can't do both so I mean I guess you can't you just did I would say just be a little bit more patient if it's meant to work out it will work out maybe you intimidate him maybe he like slow motion I think I'm kind of like that guy 2 maybe he knows that guys have done this with you before and he wants to show he's different

[Guy13]

Probably in his mind, he’s creating a safe environment where foreplay will be comfortable, desired, and heightened…as he is being respectful. Like colt and shape-one of his nads probably jumped.. He’s visualizing for sure.
-Guys like this often like to see less as I’m one of these types. Does not mean, once I figure out you aren’t Ho’in and throwing it around for every Tom and HarryDICK, you’ll know and feel “sexualized”. Obviously, I’m projecting…fully covered with sexy and not Puritan would be my approach. Imagination is a powerful thing…trusting your sexuality and judgment is the presiding Factor.-for me.

[dynamicyandere]

It could be different things. The best thing to do is ask him directly if you really want to know.


He could lack confidence when it comes to flirtation.


Or, he’s confident but he wants to act respectful and be more gentlemanly.


Or, he’s trying to not come off as thirsty.

[ChrisMaster69]

A person needs to be liking the person, not their body or other parts.
there should be no sexualising or objectification in a relationship, you date them because you like them and they like you, there does need to be some compatibility and ideally emotional connection.
however the rest is basically objectifying or sexualising someone.

[20yearsolder]

Force the issue, ask him straight out, I sent you a pretty sultry picture on purpose, I was hoping to get a much better reaction than what I got from you. Are you not attracted to me?

[Jamie05rhs]

MHO.

[Anonymous]

Goddamn! You have massive tits and you were modelling a low cut top for this dude and he didn't sexualize it at ALL? REALLY? How big are your titties and how revealing was this top? Dude should've had SOME reaction. Have you spent time with him in person? How does that go?

[Adronicus]

He REALLY likes you & doesn't want to see you in that way, if you like him you're going to have to take a different approach. This mans long term & if you're not looking for that LET HIM GO.

[Jamie05rhs]

He's probably a Christian.
I know because I do the same thing lol.

[Asker]

lol he's not but thanks

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh. Lol. Well, maybe he's a different conservative religion?

[BarryLiverstone]

Does he flirt in other ways? Just not reacting from a picture could mean that he is not trying to be creepy

[Asker]

i mean yea he's called me pretty and stuff and generally has just been really sweet, but I've just been wrong in the past, so im like super anxious about it

[BarryLiverstone]

How long have you talked and have you been on dates? It does sound like you have been burned and in a way kinda trained to expect a certain reaction based on the past. Was the cleavage that obvious?

[BarryLiverstone]

I can understand why you feel anxious as you want to know if he is into you

[Avicenna]

Well, that’s what it’s like when you aren’t objectified

[Stevefiveo]

Hmm, it sounds like he is inexperienced with women. You found him on tinder so he definitely wants sex though. I guess you are going to have to take it slow with him. Good luck.

[Rod_Iron]

Jesus! You got issues. Guys that try to get at you make you feel uncomfortable, but you're upset cause this dude ain't trying hard enough for you. Maybe you should take some time to focus on yourself.

[anton_dee]

He doesn't want to make you feel he a pervert or just wanting to have sex. He seems to like you genuinely

[Anonymous]

And this is why get to a point where they just really don't give a s*** what women want or think. "I don't want you to objective me"...5 seconds later... "why don't you find me attractive"? Guy: F*** off! Lol

[Anonymous]

Who cares.

Guys stare at your tits and they are sexualizing you. Another guy doesn’t stare at your tits and he’s uninterested. Typical.

[007kingifrit]

he sounds like a wimp, you will have to be far more direct with him and make it sexual yourself

[Jamie05rhs]

Even if she does, he'll still ignore it. It's not a matter of him being oblivious. He knows. He's choosing to ignore it.

[007kingifrit]

@Jamie05rhs you don't know him

[Jamie05rhs]

@007kingifrit You're right; I don't. But if you carefully read what she wrote, you can tell that he is reacting that way purposely.

[spartan55]

Further evidence women are NEVER happy.

[Asker]

i never said i wasn't happy i just wanted to know from the male perspective if thats something i should be worried about. bc im generally a very anxious person and i want to know if he's actually attracted to me and trying to be respectful for the sake of not making me feel uncomfortable or if he's not interested.

[spartan55]

If he wasn't interested he wouldn't be talking to you.

[collie22]

something he was feeling , try again tomorrow

[In_Trance]

What's your question here?