What is his deal?

[Anonymous]

I find myself having difficulty communicating with this guy I have a crush on. Ok he is kind of quirky and shy at times. Lately sometimes out of the blue he would get so vulnerable and open up about something personal but then when I try to talk through it with him or check-in on it with him he bypasses the conversation. He is a camera shy dude and he randomly sent me a selfie yesterday…I complimented him and he bypassed the comment and spoke about something else.

He acts about my weekend plans, I respond, he says cool cool and jumps out of the conversation. If he hears I need help with something he always volunteers himself to be there. If he finds something he knows I like he will surprise me w/ it.

What’s up with this guy? Shyness?

[007kingifrit]

it sounds like you just don't understand men and women don't talk the same. we dont want to lengthily and directly talk about our feelings

[Asker]

Hmmm don’t think that’s it. And I’ve been friends with him for ten years. Im not just going to say “oh ok” when someone opens up about a family issue or their own personal issue. Im referring to why when HE choses to open up and im actively there for him he changes the topic.

[007kingifrit]

yea maybe he said what he wanted to say and then got tired of it. it's not that men never want to talk about feelings but grow tired of it soon

[Asker]

That’s interesting…. I’ve never encountered a guy like this before. Not sure how to chat w/ him. I’m trying to be attentive and there for him in his situations he brings up…but its hard if he just shuts me out after….🤷🏾‍♀️

Once he said there was a situation unfolding w/ his mom and I tried to comfort him through it. He just switched up the topic so I left it alone. Next dat I tried to follow up.. he read it.. and totally ignored it. Makes me feel…odd, rejected.. like im saying the wrong thing..🤦🏾

[007kingifrit]

i don't really know how old he is or how old you are

you could try talking to him about THESE feelings YOU are having and ask why he shuts down. maybe he doesn't know how you feel

[Asker]

He is lates 40s early 50s me im late 30s. I’ve given thought to that but judging by how he bypasses things (down to a compliment)…I figured being that direct would send him in hiding

[007kingifrit]

well you might have to do it anyways. maybe nobody has been direct with him yet

[Straight2thepoint]

Sounds like the social media ideals repulse him. As for the shyness you are perhaps mistaking it with self esteem.

[Asker]

I don’t fully understand what you mean. I’m not asking him to open up. Out of the blue he would open up about something serious/personal and when I try to talk through it with him he shuts down or switches it up. What do you mean in regards to self-esteem?

[Straight2thepoint]

Self-esteem refers to a person's overall sense of his or her value or worth. I is not that confidant with himself. That's all.

[Asker]

Ahh ok, that’s what you mean. How to go about talking to him then? I’m nice to him, I compliment him…trying to be there for him just as he has for me…do I just not say much, let him lead, no compliments…short convo?🤷🏾‍♀️

[Straight2thepoint]

I'm breaking a bro code here. Real men not pretent or self proclaimed identify blah blah.
We all want a girl to be there. Not by force, pity. Yet as a friend, a lover, and a mistress. You might find that hard to grasp. But it's true. A single woman / girl can be that for a man / guy.
If u are interested in him, then just hang out, go get a bite. Don't ask his likes and dislikes. He might have trust issues.

[Asker]

Thank you, this is helpful. And I think you are right in regards to trust issues. He’s been through a lot. I guess I need a lot of patience here. I’ll try the hangout approach where possible

[spartan55]

He sounds like he is socially challenged.

[Asker]

If so be the case … how do I communicate w/ him?

[spartan55]

Why would you want to?

[Asker]

Because he’s been there for me throughout the years. He’s kind. And whenever he does open up he shares a lot of rough things he has bottled up inside

[spartan55]

Talk to him by phone or in person.

[Asker]

At the present moment either is not possible due to our schedules. We have text for now.

[spartan55]

Your schedules? You two CEOs or something?
... you can't keep anything going by text.

[Asker]

We are both working parents. And he has two homeschooled children one of which is special needs.

[spartan55]

Do you live near each other at least?