Boyfriend used to shower with girls?

[Anonymous]

My new boyfriend used to be a player. I knew this which is why I never took him seriously until he quit hanging out with other women and admitted that he has feelings for me. He also agreed tp be exclusive and completely committed to me.

Things are great between us. he's actually very caring and affectionate. The sex is amazing and we get along very well.
However, I discovered a number of photos posted by his previous friends with benefits where he was in a fucking pool with a bunch of girls. Numerous photos of him sitting on the same bed/couch with the girls too.
He also used to take away the girls he was sleeping with on 1 week "breaks" to his friends houses for sexual purposes too.

Obviously I was upset because we knew each other while he was doing all this and he always pretended like he was studying, busy with his studies in front of me when in reality, he was doing all this. He also never told me any of these "excursions".

I confronted him and he was upset but told me that the only reason he wouldn't tell me was because he knew I wouldn't date him or be with him if he was honest and open about his lifestyle.

I haven't spoken to him since yesterday snd he has brought me flowers, made me my favourite comfort food and is constantly trying to cheer me up.

What do I do? Am I wrong here? Am I overreacting?

[dynamicyandere]

If all of that happened before you two dated, and he’s really turning over a new leaf to start fresh, you can let all that go and give him a chance to prove himself.


The thing is… Since he has that kind of past… It’s going to be difficult to know if he REALLY is turning over a new leaf. It will be difficult to know if he REALLY is leaving all that behind and he’s starting a brand new chapter of his life with you.


Because, players will know how to say just the right things and do just the right things to get what they want, they are masters at manipulating thoughts and emotions.


So, it’s tricky… It’s tricky to know how to handle this.


If you think it’s worth the risk, you can decide to put your trust in him——since all relationships require trust to work smoothly.


If you don’t think it’s worth the risk, you may want to reconsider your relationship.

[Asker]

He wouldn't tell me about these things but he told me about other things. Why hide it when he was hooking up somewhere else?

[dynamicyandere]

I suppose he thinks that if you knew, you would have second thoughts about being with him. But, the cats out of the bag now so… Yeah, he needs to deal with the consequences.

The question is… Will he EVER lie to you about something like this in the future? Is he truly a changed man or is he trying to play you?

[Asker]

But we werent dating that time and he was always bitter towards me because I didn't accept his advances?

[dynamicyandere]

I see. Welp. That in itself is a strategy. Priming your mind to seek his approval. Rewarding you with affection when you do what he wants. He has some dangerous tools at his disposal. He sounds like he knows what he’s doing. But, will he use is powers for good or evil?

I would tread carefully. He’s like a wild wolf that swears he’s domesticated now… I suppose time will tell. Just be careful. He needs to earn your trust, especially with a past like his.

& He shouldn’t be upset about needing to earn your trust. He doesn’t have a very angelic track record after all.

[Asker]

The guy I'm hooking up with won't tell his former date (with whom he is still in touch with via in person talks) that he's with me. He also hooked up with 2 of my other female friends yet when she asked him about his life, he told her everything except that he's seeing me and other girls. He was with all of us in a swimming pool for a few days too.

The other girl and him have been on 2 dates before 8 months ago so its not like she's new to him. She cares for him but won't put out and he knows that which is why he's always upset and bitter at her but still keeps tabs on her and what she's upto, trying to know whats going on in her life including trying to find out whats happening outside of her professional life

So why isn't he telling her about me and other girls when he's not serious about her nor likes her?

[dynamicyandere]

That right there is super suspicious. It sounds like he’s still deep in the game. He’s “spinning plates” as they say. I wouldn’t trust him to be exclusive with anyone right now. If he says he’s exclusive, that’s very likely just a lie to get others to put out. He’s a f*ck buddy, not boyfriend material. Not until he stops playing these games all together.

[Asker]

I mean whats up with him and the other girl? He doesn't text or see her and he has plenty of girls to have sex with so why is he still stuck on her?

[Asker]

He has multiple women he texts and sleeps with. He goes to their houses, goes on dates, spends weekends with them and texting all the time.

This other girl and him went on 2 dates and he realised by the 2nd date that he wouldn't get any bedroom action. So he stopped seeing her and replying to her, hoping she will text him, chase him and beg after him.

She didn't and ended up not texting him which made him furious yet he continued making small talk with her and also keeping her number saved on Whatsapp.

He used to play manipulative games with her , hoping to get her to chase him again but she didn't. He also used to give her sleazy looks but after not being in contact with her for 1 month (not seeing her or speaking to her), he has gotten different towards her.

He always stared at her, sometimes even turning back to look at her but these days when she talks with him, he keeps looking at her face. He also looks at her feet, shoes, clothes, the accessories that she wears and just about everything.

He also found out who her teacher was (with whom she's working, earlier when she asked him, he said he didn't know but now he knows so he either google searched him or he found out who he is because his tutors office is beside her teachers office and he obviously remembered what she told him?)

So I dont understand. Wjen he has many girls to sleep with, why is he doing this with this 1 girl?

[dynamicyandere]

She’s a challenge. A prize. It directly tied to his ego. He wants to know if he can manage to crack her code. It’s all a game to him, and this girl presents a challenge. He doesn’t want to give up. He wants to prove himself to himself that he has what it takes to win her over.

[Asker]

Win her over for what?

Sex or relationship?

Because she won't give him sex and he knows it. Its been 10 months.

Also whats with all the staring when he's lying around on the couch with girls and why not tell her?

[dynamicyandere]

Sex. He doesn’t believe her. He thinks he can change her. Maybe he’ll manage to get her to crack, maybe he won’t.

I suppose it’s sort of like when a girl is trying to tame a bad boy and make him loyal to her. It may never happen. But a girl can hope. And she might not give up no matter how stubborn that bad boy might be.

[Asker]

doesn't believe her?
But for sex? he's already getting a lot of sex from other girls. Its only this girl whom he keeps eyeballing from head to toe

[dynamicyandere]

Yea. He wants what he can’t have. He’s insatiable.

[Asker]

doesn't make sense. he's getting sex already?

[dynamicyandere]

It’s not about sex here. It’s about ego and validation. Guys like him love it when they manage to “conquer” a hard-to-get girl.

[dynamicyandere]

He’s addicted to the challenge. He’s addicted to the chase.

[Asker]

But why her? he's getting it from other girls?

[Asker]

You think he would want a relationship? He didn't tell her he went on a pool vacation with girls?

[dynamicyandere]

If she ever puts out, and he has his fill of fun with her, he’ll eventually lose interest and be onto the next.

[dynamicyandere]

Too soon to tell. Also, he’s a serial liar.

[Asker]

But why is he staring at her and asking her questions about her life and even wanting to know whats outside of work?

[dynamicyandere]

It’s likely how he is with any girl he’s trying to seduce. If you’re trying to seduce a girl, why WOULDN’T you pretend to really care? It’s part of his act.

[Asker]

Not really. I ve seen him with many girls and he doesn't really check them out as much as he does with her or how obsessively he's still around her

[dynamicyandere]

Those other girls aren’t acting just like she is with him though. How many girls are acting just like her? Are they all playing hard to get?

[Asker]

No they all are giving him attention and sex too

[Asker]

And none of them are as pretty as her because he really stares at her the most

[Asker]

Hello man

[HighValue]

Players/casual sex people almost always end up cheating, even if they try to change. He already started out with lying to you. In my opinion it seems like a bad idea to waste your time dating someone like that.

If you do date him, don't be surprised when he cheats.

[laurieluvsit]

No, you are not overreacting.

He is hypersexual and that does not change overnight.

The first time he gets bored with you or in an argument, he will make a beeline for one, or more, of those girls or other ones he takes a fancy for and then try to apologize and come back again and again.

You need to face reality and decide if that is the life you want with him... just saying.

[Asker]

He wouldn't tell me about these things but he told me about other things. Why hide it when he was hooking up somewhere else?

[laurieluvsit]

Hypersexuality will cause many sexual abnormalities to occur, including hiding things. There isn't always a lot of thought behind it, it just happens.

[Asker]

The guy I'm hooking up with won't tell his former date (with whom he is still in touch with via in person talks) that he's with me. He also hooked up with 2 of my other female friends yet when she asked him about his life, he told her everything except that he's seeing me and other girls. He was with all of us in a swimming pool for a few days too.

The other girl and him have been on 2 dates before 8 months ago so its not like she's new to him. She cares for him but won't put out and he knows that which is why he's always upset and bitter at her but still keeps tabs on her and what she's upto, trying to know whats going on in her life including trying to find out whats happening outside of her professional life

So why isn't he telling her about me and other girls when he's not serious about her nor likes her?

[Shamalien]

people don’t realize when they become involved in hookup culture where it leads…idk if this guy can be trusted but he does really seem like he wants to make it work with you. The question is, can he be loyal to you for an extended period of time?

[Asker]

What do you think of him?

[Shamalien]

If someone was sleeping with someone else after we’d been on a few dates and made a habit of it, especially different partners and especially if they are hookups (not a regular monogamous friends with benefits) I don't know if I’d ever be able to trust them

[spartan55]

You really should write books, like those sleazy romance novels.

[CloudMassacre]

“I didn’t tell you because X” followed by “love dumping with gifts” is a big red flag in My opinion

[LimitedBenefits101]

Smh women always overreact over the smallest thing🤦

[Anonymous]

Dear dumb...

Love is weapon to fool girls...
Such a stupid you're

[RandomGuy1030]

I can't be asked

[Anonymous]

So, is he doing that now?