Why are we acting this way... ?

[Samarasaid]

Here is my major weakness... Its name is S...

- 8 years ago, I met a guy online who I found UTTERLY attractive.

After a lot of relationships that were total failures ( been cheated on several times ), I decided I would give up on my virginity to this amazingly hot guy, which I'm NOW, not proud of. He was honest about the fact he wanted nothing serious ( with me )

The day after, he called me saying he had a really good time and he would never forget it. We actually spoke for about 5 hours and did it after, I knew he found me hot. Then, we argued for what reason, I don't remember on the phone.

I then blocked him on social media as I thought he would do it himself, and I didn't want to appear as needy. After a few weeks, I unblocked him and he texted me 6 months after.

- For 4 years, I tried to see him in real life because we would only speak on the phone : about religion and politics, then we would speak about sex. I knew for sure he wasn't in a relationship, so I didn't understand the reason why he didn't want to see me again... ( even just for sex)

At that time, sometimes I met boys but it never worked...

I was fed up with waiting for him... Then, I met a wonderful man who is now my amazing husband and I love him.

I told S... I was in a relationship and I would probably get married, so I would like to stay friends, nothing more. He sent me a text message though Viber, deleted this message, so I could not see it, and blocked my phone number...

- 2 years ago, I contacted him through Skype, I was pregnant, felt lonely with no support, no flirting, no cheating !!! I wanted Friendship. Everything was cool.

He ended up swearing at me criticizing my huband two weeks ago. I didn't reply. So I blocked him and deleted Skype forever I think.

But, I'm suffering...

Why do I still need him in my life? I Will never tell him, but he is an important person to me. I will never ever cheat on my man.

What do you think about this story?

Don't judge me please.

[PrettyPriya]

There is a lot to unpack here. Your story bounces around quite a bit. The first thing that I noticed is that you keep going back to him, even when he treats you like rubbish. Why? I know that is what you are asking as well, but we cannot answer why you do something.

You need to just cut him out of your life. My next question is... why is your husband not giving you support during your pregnancy? That seems crazy to me. There is also very little detail as to why.

Here is my honest assessment. You are emotionally cheating. I know you said "no cheating!" but cheating comes in different forms. You crave the attention from this guy and keep going back. Nothing you mention to me screams friendship. Friends don't talk about sex as you indicated you have.

Whether you want to admit it is emotional cheating is up to you. I think if you look inward and really read what you wrote, you will see that I am right.

[Samarasaid]

That was before. Since I am in a relationship, we've talked about job And our lives. But, I will try to stop trying hard to have him in my life.

[PrettyPriya]

I think that is the best thing to do. When you feel that urge to contact him, make yourself busy with something else. It is all about keeping your mind occupied. Could be a hobby or something else you enjoy doing until that feeling passes.

[Samarasaid]

Yeah. Sure ! I have not worked lately for two years. He said I was a whore and my husband not a man two weeks ago. Now I won't contact him, it went too far ! Thanks a lot :)

[PrettyPriya]

You are welcome and yeah, WAY too far to make insults like that. Not worth your time.

[Samarasaid]

Sure.
Thanks again
:))))))

[Mybeachlife8888]

The problem, from what I see, is that you’re not honest with yourself. You held your virginity for a guy that you were ok with not being serious with when you wanted to be serious with him. Most likely because of the attraction. You then pretended to not care. You then tried to move on to the man you married which is probably a better man for you anyway. I feel like once you’re honest with yourself that this man wasn’t right for you from the beginning….. it will be easier to move on. If you were worth it to him, which it seems like you weren’t, then he would have taken you more seriously and not just fucked around with you.

He just wanted to use you, you let him and that’s fine. But you now need to own up to the truth that he’s not worthy of you. There’s no reason to have a desire to talk to someone who only wanted to use you. Be honest with yourself that it hurts to accept that fact, and then get over it.

[Samarasaid]

@Mabeachlife8888 sooo painful to read but so true it motivates me to do no contact though, thanks. But I'm Still thinking : " Why did he keep a virtual relationship with me after deflowering me? Why did he not just disappear forever? Why is he so jealous and proposed me after I told him I was going to be in a relationship? " I assume that he just manipulated me... But why do some men do that? Selfish guys. So horrible

[Sixgunsound]

The person you lose your virginity with with will always be a part of your life, even if you never see them physically again. This is why it is so important not to be reckless with a part of you that once lost can never be recovered. Various hormones and neurotransmitters bond you to your first partner, which serve to keep couples together and perpetuate the species in a state of nature. In a state of political society where "if it feels good do it", things move much faster than evolutionary biology. This hurts women far more than men, but this is just another example of how men and women have sex differently, about which there is nothing you can do.

[Samarasaid]

Thanks a lot for your understanding

[Samarasaid]

Thanks very much for this interesting answer

[Guy13]

Virgin lover…. always will possess the biggest chunk of you. It may never pass. “Live with it” and force no contact.

[Samarasaid]

Thanks for understanding what I meant.
You defo right

[Guy13]

Sure and best in your endeavors 🙂

[Sparkie460]

He was the one that you loved the most and you gave your virginity to. He will always have a special place in your heart. That feeling you have for him will never go away.

[Samarasaid]

So true.

[Wise4myage]

If your suffering, then seep professional help. But you really need to leave that dude in the past.

[Samarasaid]

That is fair enough

[Wise4myage]

Good luck to you.

[Samarasaid]

Thanks. You're wise indeed

[Wise4myage]

Why thank you. :)

[es20490446e]

The constant here is you not telling the truth.

That's what you are suffering about.

[Samarasaid]

I'm sure he knows it

[Samarasaid]

Defo

[es20490446e]

Nope gal, you know it 😌

If you behave like you are not interested, when you are, too much trouble and confusion. Just look at what happened till now.

Be honest, speak what you want, and see if the other person wants the same as you. If they do easy, if not there's nothing else to do there. Simple as simple.

[Samarasaid]

I was too scared sir.
But he s always showed me little attention.
My mistake, maybe...

[es20490446e]

That's why you state your truth. In the worst case you get a "no", but if it is because of you then you don't know. Years pass with bouts!

[es20490446e]

And stating the truth doesn't need to be asking if he will marry you.

It can be as simple and letting him know you will want to have a date with him, or something.

[Samarasaid]

That s so true !

[es20490446e]

Good luck ;)

[Samarasaid]

Thanks sooo much

[es20490446e]

[Samarasaid]

Haha

[Noahzaid]

I judged you already.

[Samarasaid]

didn't get it

[Noahzaid]

You said don’t judge and I can’t do that.
You’re thinking of another man when you’re married.
I don’t care if you think if him as a friend or whatever..