Why does this guy i'm seeing do this?

[Anonymous]

He's loving and all over me one minute, then the next he'll go very silent and just stare at nothing. It's as though he's in deep thought. I have asked of he's ok when he does it but he just says he is ok.

What could he possibly be thinking about and why go silent all of a sudden like that? It happens often

[Anonymous]

Is this someone who you’re w? Has he ever been in the military?

[Asker]

Yeah, I've been with him about a year, but he's never been in the military. He behaves this way on a weekly basis. Its so random.

[Asker]

Sometimes his silence can last a while. Then all of a sudden he's back to his usual self.

[Opinion Owner]

I see. I think a lot of men tend to get that way. Mainly when we’re trying to figure something out. We may not want to bother you w it because as a man if he was raised like me, we’re taught to take care of our women. To not let anything bother them, to solve the issues cause we’re the men. We see it as our responsibility so you don’t have to go through whatever it is we need to solve. But most of us don’t understand that yes we’re trying to protect you by fixing the problems but then that just worries you too even though that’s what we’re trying to keep from happening. It worries you cause you’re not sure what’s going on. Your mind starts wondering. Are we in trouble, is he thinking of leaving me, etc. Than there’s times where I myself just kind of check out. I will talk to people one day, but the next not say a word to them. It’s not them that’s for sure, unless we had someone confrontation or something. It’s usually me, which I can’t explain, even the one other person who I knew was like this couldn’t explain it. It’s not that we’re mad, or upset, angry, we’re just silent. Then we’ll talk to you the next day.

[Asker]

Thank you very much. That makes sense

I sometimes worry in case I'm the issue. I start overthinking and I assume he's thinking he doesn't want to be with me anymore. But I think that's because it's so random. Like, when we are cuddling and he's saying nice things to me, he can suddey go totally silent and just stare at nothing for ages.
Sometimes his silence can last hours , all day, or a few minutes. It varies.
It's not like he's ignoring me. He'll reply if i speak to him, but he's still silent if that makes sense. I would love to know what's going through his mind at that moment. But I'd never try to force him to tell me. But I think I'm assuming I'm the issue because he's pretending he's ok during those silent moments, and he's clearly not.

[Opinion Owner]

But has he always been this way even when you two started dating? If so than I think it’s fine. But too if you two are living together, paying bills together and having issues w that he may be thinking about those things. Easiest thing I can say is just to explain to him what I said. That you don’t want to pry in his thoughts, but at the same time it concerns you cause you think it’s you. If it’s not you then just let him know you’re there if he needs help figuring something out. I get like that myself when I need to deal w something. Then usually after I’ve figured it out I will talk to my girl about what I was trying to figure out.

[Asker]

He has been this way probably after two months of being together. He did once tell me he is the sort of person who deals with issues himself, rather than confide in anyone. I will try not not take it personal, and do what you have suggested. Thank you for your insight and help. I appreciate it. You've been very kind and helpful.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok well if you noticed that long time ago I’m sure it’s just a male thing. I think you will be fine. Yea I’d just say I’m here if you need me. Other than that most times we tend to get quite when figuring something out.

[EmbraceThePain]

I'm not sure, maybe he is indeed lost in thought of some sort.

[In_Trance]

For the same reason you do it to him

[Asker]

I don't do that to him