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We met in the gym we kind of had a fight he kind of insulted my dead grandfather when I told him he was dying he said he didn’t need to know any of that stuff
I got so angry and was so hurt by it
now he wants to sit down and talk to clear the air but I’m really nervous
does he want to save the friendship?
Are you dating this guy or are you really “just friends”? Be completely honest if one or both of you are interested. That’s extremely important on how to proceed with this.
He is actually being mature about wanting a sit down. It may be intimidating but that scenario usually let’s the other person say their side of things. It’s uncomfortable but it gets resolves miscommunication and is healthy for both of you. But not saying anything and holding onto a grudge is very unhealthy in the long run. Lots of wasted mental energy.
The worst that can happen is that other person remains obstinate in their pov and doesn’t respect your side of things. While that’s unfortunate it also confirms any suspicions you have of them. At that point you can move on with no regrets.
I had a “sit down” telephone call with a girl I was briefly romantically involved who later (unannounced) decided to friéndzone me for her own selfish purposes.
It came to a head when she showed up on my door step traveling to another state for a holiday. I had family plans and invited her over. She later sneakily and subtlety insulted me in front of brother and sister in law. I didn’t want to believe it at the time but later when we had our “sit down” phone call she confirmed my worst suspicions were indeed true.
That sucked BUT I calmly told her “best of luck” and never spoke to her again. No regrets either because I know where she stands and she knows where I stand. It’s really the best for both of us. Not every person you associate with is valuable. You don’t nor shouldn’t be “friends” with everybody.
What exactly is your relationship with him? Details please. Is he your personal trainer?
How old is he? Is he interested in you? Does he have a girlfriend? Do you have a boyfriend?
Straight men don’t get this worked up over women they have no romantic interest in. An exception would be if you worked together or were both consistently involved in a organized activity/group. But if you just run into him occasionally at the gym he wouldn’t be this worked up over this.
My guess is he likes you and you don’t feel the same. You want to pretend he’s okay with just being friends. But you don’t want it to go further than that.
If that’s the case I would still do the sit down but also ask him he’s interested. But tactfully honest that you don’t see him that way. That’s another area where you both should know where each other stands.
“Well I’m pretty sure he is”. Well you do realize sensitive straight men exist too? There dating lives are absolute hell but that’s another topic. I would get that confirmed first.
A sit down is actually a good idea. Asking him if he’s interested is even more important now. That will clear up any doubts you have.
Well the connection will never be the same considering neither one of you really knows where each other stands. Also just a fact you can NOT “bond” with a straight man platonically the same way you can with a female friend. Women need to understand and accept that.
You can ignore him all you want. But it will more awkward when you run into him in the future. I’m guessing he’s a straight sensitive nice guy who has some very hard and agonizing lessons to learn about dating. Women like assuming he’s gay when he’s not is going to put him in a world of hurt. It makes women confident they can just be friends with him.
I feel sorry for him. What he really wants is just respect. But women don’t really respect guys like him.
How do you know for sure he is gay? Did he flat out tell you?
“I think it’s fairly obvious”. So you do not know. But you assumed he is because that was the most comfortable scenario for you. That was risky and a big mistake on your end. From how he’s acting I don’t think he is.
You know one thing men crave more from women than intimacy and sex? Respect. We need it. When a woman tactfully tells us she’s not interested most guys can handle it. But we get worked up when women play passive flaky games or make assumptions.
Anyway it’s a public place. You really have nothing to be afraid of. Other people will be around. Let him talk and get whatever he has to say off his chest. When he is done acknowledge it and say your end. Also say out of respect you are only interested in being friends.
But you can just ignore him and let this all fester. We were supposed to live in a “equal” society but this is something women keep trying to get away with.
Good. Well let him say his part. But tbh I think it’s a good idea to tell him where you stand. Say you enjoy the connection but you need to know if he’s interested.
I realize that’s a very awkward conversation. But this could be a scenario where he thinks he’s moving towards dating you. If that’s the case you need to make sure that’s not the case.
Thats what it is about on the surface. But there is an obscure 800lb gorilla in the room that he may in fact like you.
He if does he should of spoke up earlier. But he’s taking the self destructive “friend” route here if that’s the case..
I guess you can keep stringing him along since he never made a move or made it obvious. But don’t assume his sexuality without knowing for sure. It’s still very insulting to most straight men to have other people assume they are gay. Extremely insulting if we like a girl and she thinks that of us. So be very careful about your assumptions there.
Just ask him if he’s interested in anybody. That’s a innocuos question on its own.
Well, yes, he does want to save the friendship. That's exactly what he means.
He means "clear the air" between the two of you (after that air has been polluted with angry words and hurt feelings).
It's essentially another way of saying "I'd like to sit down and talk to apologize, and, (if applicable to the specific situation) to give you a chance to apologize as well. I want to "clear the air" of these bad-feelings between us... and hopefully save/fix this friendship."
No need to be nervous. It's not going to be an unpleasant conversation. You are almost guaranteed to come out of that talk feeling better about everything, and better about your friendship. 🙂
Well
He threw me under the bus
Told me I made him feel uncomfortable
No apology anout the comment of my dead grandfather
Told me he had to leave because it was past his time
He said that i cancelled my gym classes just so I could get a one on one with him
He said he has been tracking me basically on the app
Wait... you mean you already had this "clear-the-air" talk? And THAT's how it went?
I'm... not sure about the gaslighting... I'm still really confused as to what went down between you exactly.
I have NO IDEA what you mean about him 'tracking you' with an app? Is it... a situation where you and other gym members make your location visible through an app specific to your gym? or what?
I am also confused about the rest of it.
So... he cancelled his classes in order to have time to have this one-on-one with you.
Ok, but... I'm really not seeing WHY he wanted to talk to you, if it wasn't to 'clear the air' (and apologize). What was his motivation for wanting to talk to you at all?
Are you currently in the same class at the gym? and his purpose in wanting to meet with you was to figure out the logistics of which one of you could maybe switch classes so you didn't have to continue being in the same class? or?
And when you say you think it was a set up... a set-up FOR WHAT?
I'm gonna need some clarification before I can possibly comment.
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I understand. Probably best to talk it out though
Oh….. lol. So is this a good thing or bad thing?
Yeah this is strange
Seems like you need to tell him you’re creeped out this is weird behavior and to leave you alone. Hopefully he respects that and if not maybe legal action
I’m just creeped out that someone was tracking my movements
I told the gym this
I was very blunt I said I don’t want to have sex with him
He offered no apology for saying the things about my grandad
He just got up and left offering no explanation
He was so defensive he is like I’m never rude etc
Yeah I don’t know that’s really creepy and guys who just want sex are creepy in general.
It would creep me out too ir someone did this to me
It’s probably deflection. This is what many people do when they’re called out for something. They make it seem as if you’re the problem
It’s like on this website. When you call someone out. They try to turn everything on you.
If he is defaming you and ruining your reputation with stuff he knows is lies. You could possibly pursue legal action
Yeah he’s one strange dude. Definitely not normal behavior and I would be creeped out too.
Maybe if you feel in danger you can see if you can get a order or protection. I don’t think it would constitute stalking changes but.
Very weird
It is very weird indeed
He was so lovely
In the beginning
And I told them that everything he is saying is a surprise to me and I felt very uncomfortable with the thought of someone tracking me
I think he is the one that has feelings for me
I just started dating someone in my own job
And I told them I didn’t want to have sex with him
I feel so crappy
Yeah I’m sorry about that. At least you know how he is now. Best to avoid him if possible. If you have to interact with him be civil but have boundaries
It’s very stalkerish. Some people are good at hiding certain behaviors
Yeah
Before he was like I can vent to him etc
He would compliment me
Asked to do a review of the gym
Told me that if I was on my own I could do whatever I wanted
I don’t think I’ll be having any contact with him he kind of turned on me
Not sure if it’s emotional abuse but he was accusing me of making him uncomfortable…
But there would be days i didn’t speak to him like I was never texting him 24/7
Yeah. Sometimes even some people you think are the nicest people turn out to be just….. it sucks
I would think it would be some type of emotional abuse
Very possible. I don’t know what goes on in his head. Frankly you probably don’t want to know other then he’s shown his true colors
I don’t really know. If you feel in danger you could get a order or protection and maybe speak to a lawyer and see if what he did constitutes defamation or not
It sucks but you might just have to find another gym. I know you shouldn’t have to leave somewhere because of someone and irs not fair to you.
But if they’re no help and the behavior continues best to remove yourself. Plus if they won’t help you they’re not worth your business anyways
Yeah….. Very weird. But he ruined that
Yeah I know it sucks. Hey at least you know now. You’ll find better
Yeah. He’s just weird. I know you’re a good person so you cared about him and it hurts. It hurts but you’re better without him
Because he’s a bad person and deflecting. So now he has to defame you to make himself look better and he’s the right one. Even if he’s not
This is what bad people do when they’re caught is deflect
Just block him on your end and call it a day
He’s probably trying to mess with you
Yes I think so too. Block him on your end and you’ll find better. People like this definitely like to manipulate for as long as they can
Why do you keep reposting this? Bored?
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