Guy says “ I feel bad for you”?

[Anonymous]

This guy said that “he feels bad for me “ he said that I seem “very insecure, lonely and angry “ basically that was the only reason he was allowing me to text him. He said that he didn’t want a relationship (wasn’t looking for a relationship) with me and he didn’t want to sleep with me because he didn’t want me to get attached bc he knew there was no relationship coming out of it.

That whole statement created a knot in my throat and I had no idea he pitied me... a guy I genuinely like pitied me.. how embarrassing and devastating..

I admit that I started an argument.. but he’s literally who I wanted.. he doesn’t want a relationship and he friendzoned me.. it just hurts

maybe he loves someone else, maybe he really isn’t looking or maybe he isn’t attracted to me

[SnowedIn]

He's giving tough love. And, where there's smoke there's fire. What he had to say was devastating but perhaps there's some amount of truth in it? If he's right, this may be an opportunity for self reflection and a better start with another guy? Or this guy with you in a better place?

[Asker]

I just don’t think it was tough love on his end. Esp if he doesn’t want to stay or help me through it

[Summeroflove]

Well. He feels bad for you. I don’t know what else to say. Feeling bad for someone isn’t a bad emotion. It means they care.


but I don’t know what the argument was to say whose in the right or wrong

[Asker]

If you care about someone you don’t hurt them.. say hurtful things and then not stay to help them figure it out.

I admit that there was some truth to it.. I told him that “I’m good enough”.. he also said that “I can play victim to whatever I conjure up”

[Summeroflove]

Hmm…. Yeah you’re right if someone cares they don’t intentionally hurt them. Unless you said something nasty first

[Asker]

I did.. but.. he knows me

[Asker]

I just felt hurt maybe

[Summeroflove]

If you cared for him you never would have said something nasty. Now I see why he got angry

[Summeroflove]

You probably hurt him

[Asker]

Sometimes we say hurtful things to the people we like/love most… him not wanting a relationship doesn’t bother me. It’s him not caring to stay in my life.

[Summeroflove]

Well. If you said something nasty. That probably chased him off

[Asker]

No it’s complicated but he said he has tough skin. It didn’t bother him. When I did apologize

I just think bc he’s not in love with me he really doesn’t care about me at all

[Summeroflove]

You probably hurt him. Shame on you too. Doesn’t mean he should have said mean stuff. But you’re just as bad

[Summeroflove]

Stop excusing your own shitty behavior

[Asker]

I wasn’t executing it but I really really really want him to stay

I have to hate him to stop myself from wanting him.. I’m trying to stop emotionally pining for him🥺

And him telling me that “he cares about me even if I don’t see it “… then the last thing he says is take care in the same breath… like

You can’t blame me for how I kill sadness bc at the end of the day he’ll be okay and he’s probably talking to other females.
It’s just devastating

[Summeroflove]

Seems toxic. You shouldn’t hate either. Hate isn’t good. Forgive. But move on and don’t let him back in.

[Summeroflove]

But also. I think you ruined any chances of him ever staying. It’s obvious you hurt him so forget that

[Summeroflove]

He’s probably DONE point blank

[Asker]

Maybe but I don’t mean it

[Asker]

He really doesn’t care lol bc he doesn’t care about me.

[Summeroflove]

Well….. You said what you said. Seems you did this to yourself. If someone was intentionally horrible to me. They would be gone from my life too

[Asker]

Well then he did the right thing. I was just having issues.

[Asker]

Being in actuality he’s probably in love with someone else

[Summeroflove]

Who knows. Honestly you both seemed to be nasty to one another. While I believe in forgiveness. It don’t mean you have to allow someone to keep hurting you.

Maybe you should apologize sincerely for how you acted. As well as learn form this.

[Summeroflove]

Plus even if he did love you or like you….. Acting like this can ruin that pretty fast. The same as if a guy you were interested in was mean to you…. You might loose feelings

[Summeroflove]

Even if you forgave him. As far as being attracted. That might just be done

[Asker]

This was months ago.. but we finally stopped “talking” in October. It’s done. He cared enough not to sleep with me.. I’ll take that

It’s almost the new year.

[Asker]

We never actually met… we live in the same city but we were both really busy with different things. We were going to be friends with benefits

Do you think he loves me?

[Summeroflove]

Seems like it’s over like you said

[Summeroflove]

I would leave him alone if I was you. If he’s not talking to you and told you off…. Yeah he’s probably moved on.

[Asker]

He just didn’t think I was good enough

[Summeroflove]

You were mean to him. Like I said before. This is YOUR fault. Not his

[Summeroflove]

You even owned up to it. But now you’re back to making him look bad. Frankly you’re probably both immature but okay.

[Asker]

He’s not immature. He’s been honest with me from the beginning. I think him saying what he said was justified bc it was the truth. He could of just called me a bitch for wishing something bad on him.

I wish he did call me a bitch.. because the truth hurt a lot more.

[Summeroflove]

Just learn from this and treat people better. Sometimes people have to cut toxic people from
Their lives

[Asker]

He never wanted me in his life…

[Summeroflove]

Then find someone who does. Just leave him be.

[Summeroflove]

You can’t force someone to want you. It seems like he cared about you to pity you. But once you got nasty he is gone.

[Asker]

Does care mean he loved me?

[Summeroflove]

He might care. But he don’t want to be around you anymore

[Summeroflove]

Just leave him alone. You obviously don’t like him either

[Asker]

I love him 😭😭 wym

But ok.

[Summeroflove]

Well seems you hurt him maybe try apologizing to him and is you already done that and he’s gone. Leave the man alone

[andreasderjuengere]

See it positive: this could be an eye opener for you. We not always are who we think we are.

[spartan55]

Maybe you've gone over this a hundred thousand times.

[Asker]

So what?

[spartan55]

So that means there is no point in posting it. How long ago was this?

[Asker]

Couple months ago but it still hurts deeply

[spartan55]

You never even met him...

[Asker]

So what!!!

[spartan55]

So you don't really know him at all, that's what.

[Asker]

Shut up for once. Can I get advice from others

[spartan55]

Yeah, keep telling me what to do. See how that works.
If you think I'm wrong ask other people...😂 😂

[Asker]

You nitwit, how many times have I told you that I was trying to develop our friendship. He even said that we could go see a movie and make out 🥺

[spartan55]

This is the first time actually. Save your fucking insults too.

[Asker]

I won’t save my insults. I have more than enough to throw out

[Asker]

But everything he insist it still involves sexual things

[spartan55]

If you are going to talk to me like that then don't expect me to walk on eggshells, get my drift?

[Asker]

Nope I dont

[spartan55]

Yeah you do. So you could go see a movie and make out... 😂 Great, so why didn't it happen... oh, you were a rude ass bitch to him, that's why.

[Asker]

And he’s a fucking jerk!!!

[spartan55]

Why is that again?

[Asker]

Because he’s been trying to get rid of me and he did it by being a jerk at times even after he said his “care pieces” like I only gave you bits

[spartan55]

How was he trying to get rid of you? How was he being a jerk to you? Was this after you flipped out on him?

[Asker]

No before! After he said he couldn’t give me what I wanted

[spartan55]

How is that being a jerk?

[Asker]

Because he was rejecting me and trying to get rid of me

[spartan55]

So you can't get over a guy that never wanted you to begin with? What kind of fucked up is that?

[Asker]

I wanted to prove to him that I am good enough

[spartan55]

But he already made up his mind. You can't convince soneone to be attracted to you.

[Asker]

Yeah I was just good enough to sleep with

[spartan55]

Yeah, that should have been apparent when he led with a dick pic.

[KathrynTaylor]

What a jerk. I’d ghost him.

[Asker]

Even if what he said was true. I did say something awful to him first. Like way worse…

[KathrynTaylor]

Still, it wasn’t nice.

[Asker]

He’s a firefighter and I told him that I was glad that his job is difficult bc it raises the likelihood of something happening to him

[KathrynTaylor]

Oh. Was it a joke? Sometimes things skip out that we don’t really mean..

[Asker]

No it was not. I was mad

[KathrynTaylor]

What did he do?

[Asker]

It’s complicated but him not wanting a relationship and just feeling like I wasn’t good enough

But he says that’s not the case.. “it’s his job” bs.. he said he’s not looking for a relationship with anyone. He just said he can’t give me what I want.

He also said he didn’t want to sleep with me bc he didn’t want me getting attached and hurt if a relationship didn’t happen after

[KathrynTaylor]

I can understand the hurt. I don’t know him, but if I knew him to be an honest man, I’d say he’s been honest about what he wants in life; and sadly, you want more than he wants. You know him and I don’t though, so if you sense that he’s lying and being too spineless to be honest, then I understand completely why you got so mad.

[Asker]

I do think he’s honest but I also think that he’s protecting my feelings in a way.. he just knows that I’m insecure

Him telling me the truth about myself hurt more than anything. I’d rather him call me a bitch lol

[KathrynTaylor]

Well, we all say things in the heat of the moment. I’ve done it myself.

[Asker]

Another question that has nothing to do with this.

If a guy has kind of been showing signs of attraction and the day you dress up and look nice he sort of avoids looking at you or being around you

Is that rejection or he was just being nice and doesn’t want me to get the wrong idea..

I didn’t dress up for him it was just my bday. I wore a simple sundress

[KathrynTaylor]

He’s probably shy. Some men are real weenies in my opinion. I’ve met some myself. He may need you to make the first move.

[Asker]

He’s older tho… he wasn’t shy other times.. he was in fact flirty and even stood close to me and looked in my face and asked “how are you”

[KathrynTaylor]

Sounds a bit shy. Or could be married.

[Asker]

He was talking to someone but they weren’t official … but it’s like why do that if you talking to someone

I also saw him give a guy I was having a casual conversation with a intense stare directly at him. It was a short few secs but it felt like forever. Never saw dude come by again lol

[spartan55]

@asker
Wow switched from the firefighter to the professor in one thread? Oh my...

[Asker]

@spartan55 go eat a hotdog and a beer

[spartan55]

Already got em, thanks!🌭🍻

[Midgetmcwidget]

I'm struggling to find the question, apologies

[Asker]

Maybe I was just venting… but is that rude or is he giving “tough love”