My crush said he likes me but not enough to be in a relationship with me?

[Anonymous]

My crush, whom I met through friends has recently told me that he has a crush on me but that he doesn't like me quite enough to have a relationship with me, yet after I asked him if he would consider going out with me.

He has asked if I can wait a couple months, he said he doesn't know me well enough yet and doesn't want to rush Into a relationship until we both know each other better as we have only spent time together twice and been messaging for, only, a few weeks.

He said I don't just ask out someone after 10minutes of knowing them, I hope that's ok, the more I know you, the more I'll like you and we can give us a go sometime in the future.

I really like him but it's seems I've been rejected? But I'm not sure. Is this normal guy behavior? Can someone help me?

Updates

+1 y

One minute he was saying a month, next minute a couple months, next minute 6months, next minute in the future. And now... It's been 4days and we've hung out twice and he's cur it right down to 2 weeks. He has been continuously letting me know he is liking me more and more with each day. I guess I should just have faith in him and he patient. Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts 😁

[SteveSmith1985]

You haven't been rejected. Not at all.

So this isn't "typical" guy behavior. It's not unheard-of. But it's certainly not typical. However, it's behavior I understand very-well. This is absolutely something that I would say. Especially when I was younger. I would still operate that way if I could. It's just not the usual way people operate.

You're an excellent example. So this guy might have lost his chance with you by trying to do what he did. You almost said "well... I guess... that's a rejection then" (which isn't crazy... because again, this isn't usual. It's not weird that you don't really know what to make of it).

But still, this is exactly the reason I am unable to do what this guy did. Because the rest of the world doesn't work like that... and his pitch will be met with confusion at best, and with losing the girl at worst.

So, here's what's happening.

First of all. This guy was 100% sincre in what he said. All of it. He really and truly meant what he said to you. Exactly. You can take it all literally. None of it is anything but exactly what he said.

So when he says he likes you too. He means it.

When he says he likes you but not enough yet to be in a relationship. He means it.

When he says he doesn't just ask some girl to be his girlfriend without knowing her well enough to really like her. He means it.

When he says that usually, the more he gets to know a girl, the stronger his feelings usually get. He means it.

Now, I'm not gonna lie..."a couple of months" does seem like way too long. But then again... this guy's not me. Maybe his timelines are different.

But he DOES mean it when he says he wants to get to know you better over the next while in anticipation that his feelings will have either grown, or fizzled out by then as you each get to know each other more.

BUT you threw me off a bit at the end when you said "sometime in the future." That... makes sense. (if he means like... the very near future). But it's an odd choice of words. That seems to sorta suggest a fair ways into the future. (which is not what I would think he means?).

But the way I reads this, is the way I would do it myself. I've always been a huge fan of getting to know someone before making them my girlfriend (and most people do as well. That's usually "dating" before you become an actual couple. You're doing it high-school-style. Which... honestly... is the way I'd prefer things... no dating. just "wanna be a couple").

So it does make sense that he wants to get to know you a bit before committing to be your boyfreiend. That's very normal. Just... it doesn't look quite like this. It's a series of dates that go well (the getting to know each other part).

Aside from that weird use of the word "future". This looks like a very clear case of: He totally likes you, at this point he is 100% interested in dating you. But that's assuming he still likes you once he gets to know you (he will. Don't worry).

So really, he said "yes" rather than rejected you.

Look at it this way. It's the equivalent of this:

You say: "would you consider being my boyfriend"

He says: "Well I definitely like you. How about we go out on a couple of dates, get to know each other and make sure we really click first"

Except you're just not going out on specific dates. But... really you kinda are. You're on one of those dates every time you hang out with him over the next little bit. And he DOES want to get to know you. He DOES want to see you and spend time with you. In fact that's what you NEED to do... otherwise you're not going to get to know each other any better. So you need to understand this is NOT a rejection. If you act as though it is (and choose to back-off) you will be screwing yourself out of this relationship.

You want to spend lots of time with him. You can be as flirty as you want. You are in like a 'pre-relationship phase". But he is getting to know you IN HOPES THAT you'll get into a relationship (whenever his timelines say so I guess. For me, it would be like a week or two).

I am going to argue that actually, it's a good sign (in terms of what it says about the guy). Although... I'm totally biased here. Keep that in mind.

But this tells you, that this guy takes love and relationships seriously. They aren't something to be gotten into lightly. They MEAN something. So you don't get into a relationship unless you're sure that's what you want with that person. But when you do... you're ALL-IN. He is only interested in finding the right girl. Not just finding a girl. He'd rather have no girlfriend than the wrong girlfriend (which should help you feel secure in that role once he makes you his girlfriend).

This dude take relationships and his commitments seriously.

The relationship he's hoping to enter into with you (soonish) is a serious one.

This guy is gonna likely be loyal as fuck too (can't guarantee that one like the others though. But your odds are VERY good).

This guy has a healthy view of women and relationships. He's looking for an actual connection. Not just fun. Not just sex. He just wants to establish some of that connection before making you his girlfriend. Because... without the connection it's just words to call you his girlfriend anyway. Well it means commitment too. But this guy... doesn't think that way. He's focused on you and only you. You can more-or-less assume he's already committed to you so far as seeing anyone else goes.

I would be willing to bet (don't quote me on this) that he would turn down some other girl who wanted to fool around out of a feeling of commitment to you. Eventhough he's made no agreement to commit (making you his girlfriend)... I would be surprised if he isn't already holding himself to behaving as though he were no longer single.

This is actually all good. As long as you're interested in the same kind of serious, substatial long-term relationship he's interested in. That is what you HAVE with this guy. The only reason you won't be his girlfriend, is if something doesn't click or goes sideways over the next bit. But call it what you want. He likes you. He wants to spend time with you to get to know you, and unless something happens... you're going to be his official girlfriend.

You've got the guy. I know it might not feel like it. But you really did. In fact you got him in a way that's more secure than you think. You are no more likely; and no less likely to be his girlfriend in 6 months whether he makes you his official girlfriend today, or 5 months from now.

Either way, those 6 months are going to be full of you two hanging out, getting to know each other and growing coloser. Whether he puts the title on it now, tomorrow or in 2 months... you HAVE HIM JUST AS SECURELY.

He's yours. Unless something fucks up. But that's true if he called you his girlfriend right now too.

It's really a matter of word-play. But... he said yes. You got the guy.

Now... DO make sure you spend that time with him to get to know him. THAT is what he wants, and is expecting.

[kinggeorge007]

LOVE this reply!!!

[SteveSmith1985]

@kinggeorge007 Thanks a lot man 🙂

[DermalPunch]

Why are you leading this girl down the primrose path? He said straight up he doesn't want to date her. But whoever this Gulbis is willing to keep her warm in the roster. Advice like thisbisnhowngirls get played. He isn't about her period. Why should she wait a couple of months? Please.

[SteveSmith1985]

@DermalPunch Well, you're certainly entitled to your opinion. But the reason I wrote this, was because I completely understood where this guy was coming from, because I could imagine myself doing the same.
So, let's let the OP read each of our suggestions, and decide for herself which of the two of us she feels knows what they're talking about. There's nothing wrong with weighing two people's differing views against one another to see which one makes the most sense. I wonder which one she'll pick. 🙂

[DermalPunch]

I agree. She hasn't been rejected but she has no real prospect of a comittment with this wait-and-see nonsense men do for women they already know they will never be serious about but will play about with for awhile. Most women don't want that. Since most people these days aren't really very honest, upfront or brave, it's imperative to understand the sub-text.

Bottom line: men aren't ambiguous with women they are invested in.

[SteveSmith1985]

@DermalPunch Again, you're entitled to your opinion of course. But I strongly disagree with you.

[ImageNotUploaded]

Go out with him some places take love off the table and just have heaps of fun get him thinking more, maybe one night something will come from it if it's meant to be it will be if you make him feel comfortable and relaxed he will show his true feelings towards you.

[Anonymous]

If it’s only been a few weeks then I agree you should give it some time. If it gets to like 3-4 months then to me he already has made up his mind about if he sees that potential with you or not. A relationship isn’t marriage, it’s just being exclusive to one another, so it shouldn’t take him ages to commit. Keep that in mind going forward.

[DermalPunch]

Hebis seeing or hoping to get with someone else. If you want to bebplaceholder you. An keep pestering him. My advice, don't apply for side chick.

[DermalPunch]

Don't listen to all these rambling posts about his sincerity. He. Does. Not. Want. You. He isn't serious. Move on you will get your heart crushed.

[DermalPunch]

Re UPDATE: woo hoo, he's giving you a countdown of when he's ready to be with you. I really hope you wake up and realise that this is pure and utter manipulation. He is using you for an ego boost. It's very unlikely this will end well. And it will end unless you are happy playing cat and him the owner with the string toy.

[JJ092003]

At least he was honest with you rather than getting into a bad relationship cos y'all rushed it.

[Anonymous]

Just because you write this in a girls profile and write it differently the answer is still the same. You are very emotionally immature. Grow tf up

[MrCommodore]

You weren't rejected by him at all

[Asker]

Please elaborate

[MrCommodore]

It sounds like he is just super cautious about getting into a relationship with the wrong guy person, so he requires more time.

[Asker]

Thank you. He did say he has learned his lesson from past relationships that only lasted a short while. So. I guess I'll try believe him and wait for when he's ready. Thank you.

[MrCommodore]

You're welcome