I'm a 17year old girl who's in love with a 23 year old church singer. Would he even wanna be with me?

[Anonymous]

• There's this guy I've fallen in love with in church. He's the first person I became friends with in church. I don't have many friends but this guy was all I wanted. He was the one who made me gain confidence and made me proud of who I am. I told him one day that I like him and he said he used to like me and I'm too young. I found out he has a girlfriend and this hurt me cuz he knows me well enough to tell me such and he didn't. All he said next was that he wants me to enter into tertiary education first and we see what happens next. Now I'm confused, does he wanna be with me or not?

Updates

+1 y

He has posted his girlfriend and himself three days ago. So I think I'll just think about me now or?

[PrettyPriya]

A couple of things to note. One, he may have not told you about the girlfriend for several reasons. Perhaps it is just something that never came up organically in conversation where he could tell you that. People do not go around announcing that they have girlfriends and boyfriends.

Until you told him about your feelings towards him, he likely had no reason to tell you he was involved with someone. Though, I do think the appropriate time to tell you that was at the point where you told him that you liked him. That would have been a good idea on his part.

I would not say that he wants to be with you since he is involved with another girl. That alone says enough to me. I do think that he likes you as a person and genuinely cares about you and your future just from reading the details like he is proud of you and wants you to be successful in school.

I do not think it is right the way he worded this though. He did kind of leave you hanging and gave the impression that their might be a chance even though he is in a relationship.

[SnowedIn]

The short answer is he might. He recognizes your age and he's being appropriately cautious about that. He's also smart enough to be concerned for your future and he wants you to start your tertiary education. These are all good things.

I wouldn't focus on the fact that he didn't tell you has a girlfriend. I'm thinking he didn't want to hurt you (which it ended up doing anyway) -- assume his intent is good.

And, focus on him saying "we see what happens next". That's a good sign -- he hasn't shut the door on you and him.

BUT... don't shut any doors yourself. This guy is awesome but it's possible you'll continue on and meet another great guy either at church or at school. Allow yourself that possibility and in the meantime focus on school and church.

:)

[Asker]

Thank you so much
You've been very helpful 😊

[SnowedIn]

You are very welcome! :) Best wishes with this.

[Asker]

Thanks 😊

[SnowedIn]

Regarding your update: at least in terms of the advice I previously gave you, I don't believe that his post fundamentally changes anything. Still focus on school and church and let time take its course. His post is not a door closing.

[riverrat3]

Talk to him

[riverrat3]

I agree

[Tenebrae_mentis]

Not right now. He's in a relationship and you're too young, but he left the door open because who knows where either one of you will be later down the road. By the time you're old enough, you may not be interested in him anymore. Or he may be single by then. Who knows? Either way, the answer for the time being is "no."

[Guy13]

No. You’re too young.

[Anonymous]

Church guys are cringe. Fuck him, he's a chump

[In_Trance]

Ask him

[Byuser]

I'd love to

[Byuser]

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