How do I know a man is secretly gay?

[Anonymous]

His family member was wondering too because he didn't have a girlfriend for years.

That's not necessarily always the case why a man isn't in a relationship

I called him out once on questionable shit I found but didn't say what it is...

The next thing I notice that evidence was no longer "hidden" it disseapepared completely

Guilty? Gay?

[quaranta]

The fact the stuff was not hidden anymore but disappeared might be because he felt monitored and abused so that's why he decided to protect his spaces more. This doesn't mean he is gay, only that he is keeping his boundaries.
And even if it was gay material, he might well be bisexual (if he is your partner and got aroused around you, well, at least attraction to women is confirmed), or simply curious to understand homosexuality even though he isn't one, or to actually give answers to himself in an explorative phase.
Being gay means he is attracted to men, the rest is hard to tell because if for example he lives in a homophobic context, or very conservative, of course he won't display what are commonly portrayed as gay signs like talking in a frivolous way and all of those stereotypical things. Understandably.
I have and had several gay friends and I can say some of them are not "obvious" at all, even though they are openly gay and don't need to hide anything but it's just not in their style, to adhere to stereotypes, so they look and sound "regularly" masculine but are in no way attracted to women.
If he is your partner you should stop scaring him and making him feel threatened but allow a connection between you two, to let him trust you fully like it should be, so that he will be able to open to you if he has secrets. For sure he won't open to you if you seem judgmental or controlling, but rather the opposite. The partner should be the most trusted (and trustworthy) person, so if you aren't you should work on that and if you love him then love is made of care too and his problems are yours too of course, as well as his concerns and fears.

[Asker]

I know it's not fair say if I'm bisexual or bi curious. I don't want a man whose also attracted to men because that's more people to leave me for. It sounds incredible immature but I had an ex just like this where he told me not to leave him for a girl as it'd be embarrassing. No , it's not politically correct but it's how we feel, I feel and it's valid. I respect if the man is bisexual but I don't think I necessarily want to settle down with someone who had me believe he was into girls. It's hard enough as it is that women play in my face a lot and my man "glances at them in the moment" from time to time.. or does so to piss me off if I'm getting checked out by men
He's very questionable and I feel I always find myself with questionable men... because I see the lack of effort they put in me but go far and wide for their friends who are guys
This is everywhere tho. I'm also carrying his child and it'll be so fucking embarrassing... like all of this shit would be cause I saw it and didn't leave

[quaranta]

Well regardless of his sexuality you are in a relationship I guess so you should work on mutual trust. If he is responsible and believes in this relationship he won't cheat on you, cheaters are usually also liars and they would cheat on any woman if the right situation is given. Maybe he would instead decide to fix the relationship or break it up first, if it's not working, if he is responsible. And like anyone he might get attracted of random people here and there but that doesn't mean he decides to start having confidential talks with them, most often people just forget about that attractive person in 5 minutes or anyway won't act upon it.
If he is questionable and you can't trust him then it's a red flag, not about his sexuality but about the relationship itself. You should be able to trust him fully and he should trust you too, a relationship won't work on the long term without trust or without very big compromises when trust is gone.
You should find a way to recover a connection with him where he can open to you and where you are the best friends of each other, and you really should because you have a child with him so if you decided to become parents you should improve your relationship as soon as possible, to give a stable and healthy childhood to the baby, not made of arguments and tensions, or a divorce. You can consider couple therapy together, for the sake of the child, if he doesn't want to cooperate in fixing this disconnection. He afterall decided to become a father so he should feel some minimal responsibility sense over the course of this relationship.

[cryscrys1]

Why do you need to know for? That’s nobody problem
Let’s say you found out he is gay so what? What’s the difference

[SteveSmith1985]

This is messed up. Usually you can't tell. But also... what business is this of yours? What do you mean "guilty." What do you mean you "called him out"? That's inappropriate as fuck! Are you totally oblivious to that?

I don't know what your relation to this guy is... and it doesn't matter. No matter what your relationship to this guy is: This is none of your business! This is not something you've got any right to know about. If this dude wants to be in the closet... who the fuck do you think you are to "call him out?" That's so over-the-top inappropriate. Like it blows my mind!

You need to mind you own business' and let this dude be gay or not gay or gay in secret or whatever he wants to be. Just leave the guy alone when it comes to his sexual preferences or orientation. You are being rude, crass and thoughtless in a way that's blowing my mind. This is not your mystery to solve. This is none of your goddamn business. At all. Leave this guy to be whatever he is... without you sticking your nose into his very private business. This is insane.

It's shocking to me that you don't seem to see anything wrong with this.

[misogynistic_pig]

It is important to remember that sexual orientation is something personal and private to each individual, and someone should not be assumed or judged based on their sexual orientation.

While there are certain behaviors that can lead someone to wonder if a man is secretly gay, it's important to understand that these behaviors don't necessarily indicate a person's sexual orientation.

Rather than trying to determine someone's sexual orientation based on her behavior or appearance, it is best to respect each individual's privacy and not make assumptions about her sexual orientation without her consent.

If you're in a close relationship with a man and you're concerned about his sexual orientation, it's best to talk to him in a respectful, non-judgmental way to express your concerns and to understand his perspective.

However, it is important to remember that sexual orientation is personal and someone should not be pressured to reveal their sexual orientation if they do not feel comfortable doing so.

[SteveSmith1985]

How in the fuck... does a thoughtful, nuanced, empathetic and generally... good reply like this... come from a motherfuker whose username is misogynistic_pig?

I think maybe this is the side of yourself to feed. Let the misogynistic_pig part of you starve. This guy sounds like a decent guy. Your username makes me want to punch you in the throat. I hope you're currently in the midst of some personal growth... and just can't change you old GAG username. But the juxtaposition is glaring.

Anyway, excellent answer.

[D_Bone_Steak]

How people don't call it right away (especially women) confuses the fuck out of me. It's just obvious. I mean just as obvious as a dude that walks into the room with vicious and murderous intentions. Yet women most of the time just don't see that shit? I'm asking because I don't know if they're just being coy.

It should just be obvious.

But yet I've watched multiple women get into relationships with, have kids with, and get left for men. Dudes were like seriously gay... how did they not see that coming? The behavior.

[Asker]

Thanks for telling me how I can find out

[D_Bone_Steak]

Sorry... look for those female-like behaviors. Like that elongated pronunciation of the last word in a sentence. The way they physically gesture like a girl. Like do they gossip like a girl and try to hold conversations like them? That kind of stuff.

I don't know for me, it just seems clear and obvious when a dude just does things most of us dudes wouldn't do naturally... unless we're actually making fun of gays.

[GoingDownSouth]

The biggest issue here is woth you. You have major trust issues. You expect to be dumped or cheated on. Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean he is not attracted to you. Stop looking for reasons to push him away.
As for the porn... men search all kinds of different things. It doesn't mean we like it, we're just curious. We are also very visually stimulated. Looking at hot women isn't a intentional slam towards you. It's just a natural distraction we can't ignore.
Stop looking for faults and just love your man.

[Guy13]

there is no way to guess or have secret knowledge of whether someone is gay. I know some effeminate guy who are not gay. One guy I played soccer with you would swear he was gay until you saw his girlfriend. He definitely is not gay but soft. One can not confuse the two. Good luck with that.

[Nik1hil]

Just look up his porn History or Porn collection

[Asker]

That's why I'm here. I saw his history in a old phone he had put away. Eventho it wasn't his it still disappeared after confrontation.
Also, recently he's search " huge mandingo dick" eventhough most of it was heterosex with women with big asses its.. the search dick and not women's fat ass.. leaves me feelings really fucking questionable. I understand I can't come off like I'll leave him but I would honestly

[Nik1hil]

I am sure he was looking for "Madingo" not "Mandingo "..
I think Madingo is a Male Pornstar one of the very Few with a Dig-Bick..
Guys imagine themselves in porn, and having Bigger Dick then the usual can be more arousing 🤣 that proves nothing. .

If the porn has Gay dudes or Porn of Shemale Or transgender males!..
" Chicks with dicks/ Guys with Tits"..
Can be seen as red flag!..

He ain't gay, must be some other reason

[magiusX26]

well as the word secret blunty says, its a secret meaning not the business of anyone whom the secret keeper wants to know. apparently he does not find you or those family members worthy of knowing and by your admissions of both ypu and those family members' actions, he rightly should not find any of you worthy to know.

[Anonymous]

You can sometimes tell how they dress, and if they act more feminine. Also, if he has lots of female friends.

[Asker]

How do they dress?
My boyfriend doesn't have any style.. it's overly baggy clothes... still.. he's kind of a pretty boy too especially when he gets a hair cut. He has a couple of close best friends as girls smh

[Opinion Owner]

They dress more feminine.

[Asker]

A guy in the closet will?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, probably to some degree.

[GoingDownSouth]

Your opinion is completely wrong. You'll see that as you get a little older.

[Anonymous]

By asking a man "Are you homo sexual?" and not "are you gay?"

[Asker]

Even though it literally means the same thing? I guess one can come off too pushy and harsh?

[Opinion Owner]

The latter plants a hostile intuition.

[SnowedIn]

You don't. There's no magic "tell" or "tic".

Why don't you and the family member just ask the guy?

[Iron_Man]

Of course not somebody could be shy somebody could be picky. Somebody may not be ready yet for a girlfriend

[FeminineHSP]

What if the person is asexual and wants to be like childfree? There are so many possibilities.

[Anonymous]

If they vote Democrat it’s almost guaranteed.

[TheAfrikan]

There style of walk shows it and the way they talk.

[Christoff92]

Well is he always looking at guys?

[Asker]

Not necessarily. He's very nice. But one time this trangendered woman walked in the room.. to me she was very masculine in a sense... and it's like she took his breath away so I'm like... omgg

[Christoff92]

I assume he likes fit and built women.

[Asker]

Pff damn cause I'm soft and fluffy

[malwins]

Was she hot lollll

[In_Trance]

ask him if he thinks dicks are delicious

[msc545]

Why is this any of your business?

[msc545]

yes...

[Anonymous]

what evidence?

[Asker]

Gay shit
Searches " gay porn" not lesbian
Searched something about "bigger dicks" weird shit

[Opinion Owner]

yeah he's gay

[NostalgiaSenpi]

You need some serious mental health help.

[Asker]

You need serious pussy

[malwins]

Omg u rufe