Would you consider this stalking?

[Anonymous]

I work at a city hall. About 1 1/2 weeks ago a customer sent me flowers with a note that says “hi (my name) I’ve seen you are the city hall and thought you were pretty and you’ve helped me a couple time. If you want to grab a drink sometime call me” with his name and number. I didn’t recognize the name and after searching social media and seeing him I don’t recognize the face either. I ignored it and didn’t respond. 2 days ago he showed up at work, smiling and staring at me. Pretended to need something only I wasn’t the one who helped him. The girl who did knows who he is. Today he called twice asking for me, once saying he thought someone from the city called him and then again and left me a voicemail asking me out and if I’m married. I sent it to my boss who’s the building official and he called him and asked him to leave his staff alone. Then my husband called and told him to move on. Is this stalking? I literally don’t recognize him or remember helping him.

Updates

+1 y

Also he’s 61 years old.

[BeMuse]

You could have easily just said you were not interested like an adult. Instead you made a drama out of it, got your boss, and husband involved, and now you're on the internet throwing a pity party acting like you got stalked when you never even talked to the guy and told him you are not interested. If someone asks you out, just say nope not interested. I'm already married, but the flowers were nice. Have a good day and then that's the end of it. But nope, you want to play a game for the excitement, the thrill, the delusion that you have a serial killer stalking you.

[BeMuse]

You work at a city hall. The guy is a resident of the city. He's 61 as you put it. He probably attends town hall meetings to participate in the community. He's obviously been going there before you got there because other employees know him. He's a regular. Thus he's not there for you. You aren't being stalked. He's just making advances that are outside what you consider to be normal. Yet you avoid just acting professional and shutting him down.

[Asker]

No as a city employee we are told to not respond to things like this and to let management handle it. It’s actually part of training we went through. Unfortunately. I would have preferred your idea but we are not allowed. Yes it’s dumb

[Asker]

And isn’t the not responding to the flowers saying not interested anyways? He came in for something that was completely made up. Called several times two days later after I didn’t acknowledge him and then calls ago leaving a voicemail. His voicemail was angry. He said I sent you flowers and I want to take you out. Let me know what day and time works for you and left his phone number. We have A LOT of people come in and A LOT of crazy people. There have been several woman stalked and followed one even assaulted so the policy was put in place for that reason. So no it’s not for the thrill and blah blah blah.

[BeMuse]

Well then your management has bad policy. He obviously didn't get any answer to his lame flower thing, thus why he called. Like I said, the easiest way to shut down a person like that is to communicate face to face, that you are not interested, you are married already and then acknowledge that their gesture was a nice thought, but we can't accept gifts or something like that. Have a nice day sir... Just be very mechanical about it. Then the dude will go away like oh well better luck next time... When you ignore persistent people, they tend to act persistent. Go figure... It's pretty common sense. Think about if you applied for a job and you didn't hear back... Would you just be like oh well, I guess they didn't like me or would you follow up and ask to speak to someone about your application and try to get in there for an interview to prove your worth. That's sort of the same behavior. Idle minds wonder... They want answers. Direct information finalizes situations. Including other people in the situation come off like you gossiped about the situation, which makes it all more important than it really is. If they do happen to be narcissistic that might trigger their paranoia and they might think you are trying to embarrass them in front of others which would inflict a wound to their ego, and then they're going to get more bat shit crazy the more that is provoked. It's a drama that is created that could have been avoided...

[Asker]

I totally agree, however a florist delivered the flowers and I had no idea who he was. My coworker knew but I had personally never dealt with him or spoken to him. Trust me I would have preferred to have responded with I’m married. However we can’t. I even gave the flowers away because we aren’t allowed to accept gifts as public servants. I think he is just out of the loop on how to ask a woman out. What strikes me as odd is his persistence when I don’t even recognize him. The only projects he did with me were nearly 2 years ago and strictly online with no actual contact in person. There’s no drama. My boss is very high up and actually knows who he is so HE called him on his own. I didn’t ask him to.

[NotTacocaT6969]

Almost.


If he continues this behavior after being told to stop, it’s stalking.


For now, it’s just unhealthy obsession.

[Iron_Man]

Fight him husband vs stalker

[Blues36]

yaşlı görünüyor

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it