Should I be concerned?

[Anonymous]

TW for some.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years.
So something happened last night that made my skin crawl but I’m not sure if he thought it was a “game”

He was groping me and I said stop, (I felt he probably thought it was a game and he thought I did want it because he was smiling) and he kept groping me, then he held me down and shoved a finger in me after me telling him “no, I’m not in the mood for this right now please stop”

I was so taken back by the complete disregard of me saying “no” and “stop” multiple times. I said it with a serious tone so there was no chance of misunderstanding my intention. I wasn’t playing around or laughing.

He’s done similar things in the past and immediately apologizes and tries to hug me.

I feel like the question answers itself but I would like some outside input.

[richardcory]

If your "stop" was clear, then this is totally unacceptable. The only way it could possibly be OK is if sometimes you pretend to tell him to stop when you don't mean it. If you do play that sort of game, they you absoutely need a "safeword" so he knows when you are pretending and when you are serious.

But if you don't play that sort of game, he needed to stop as soon as you told him to.

[In_Trance]

I think you both need to get on the same page.
Have a f2f conversation and not while he's fingerbanging you

[Asker]

I did.
He apologized and said he wasn’t thinking.

Although he’s tried to force himself on me a handful of other times. This is just the first time he went all the way.

He didn’t really have much to say about it.

[In_Trance]

In turn, you are part of the issue here.
To be clear, if you're not in the mood, don't pretend to be in the mood; kissing and making out, etc. This is how the misunderstanding happens. There's nothing wrong with saying no; but don't do it after you've started

[Asker]

Absolutely I agree.
I always make sure to leave no room for misunderstanding. I make it very clear I’m not interested and I don’t lead him on to think I want more.

I’ll just be chillin on the couch minding my own business and he forces himself on me out of nowhere. That’s how this situation occurred as well.

Thank you for taking time to give your thoughts. I appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

He basically sexually assaulted you and from you have said it sounds like it's not the first time he has done it either. Get the F out of the relationship and and don't go back to him.