How should I handle my guy friend being really ungrateful for a birthday gift?

[Anonymous]

I bought an album for my guy friend for his birthday, that was signed by the artist. It’s an artist he loves so I knew there was a chance he owned the album, but I figured it being signed made it special or cool to have regardless. I also had to order it from overseas. After he opened it, I said that I knew he might have it already, but that this one is signed so I thought even if he did, he might like it anyway for that reason. Then he told me that “the signature doesn’t really mean anything “ and that I could keep it for myself since he has it.

To be honest I’m really mad at his reaction. I put time into thinking of something I thought he would like as opposed to a generic gift (like a gift card), and I paid extra to get a signed copy sent from overseas, which meant a big shipping charge as well. Even if he didn’t want to accept it, I would have expected some positive words about the effort or thought put forward. He gave me a thoughtful gift for my birthday so I was trying to do the same… but it was met with zero appreciation whatsoever.

Should I say something to him? Should I distance myself from the friendship? How would you handle it?

[SnowedIn]

What he did was shitty behavior.

What should you do? I think you tell him how he made you feel. Here's why: he was enough of a friend for you to spend the money and go through the trouble. And his response wasn't even what two coworkers might do. That's a MASSIVE imbalance.

So either he is that sort of friend and you need to fix it or he's not a good friend (or any sort of friend) and you put him away.

But you can't just let it go.

[Asker]

I was so shocked because we have been becoming closer friends recently. He has started talking to me much more often, inviting me out, etc. For my birthday a few months ago he got me a very well thought out gift, that was more thoughtful than most gifts I have ever received on a birthday. I had the impression he would appreciate similar gesture returned but he acted like a total idiot instead. I really am at a loss as to this behavior

[SnowedIn]

Your last sentence is key. That's where to begin the conversation. Don't judge with him. Or accuse. Tell him how you viewed your gift to him in the same light as his to you and his response surprised you. And you want to better understand. Frame it as seeking knowledge rather than he did something wrong.

Based on what you've written this is a friendship worth maintaining.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. I thought it was a worthwhile friendship, but this has made me question that. I’m definitely going to have to talk to him soon

[SnowedIn]

Thank you for MHO!

[Asker]

Thank you for the help!

[richardcory]

That was really unfriendly of him. Sure, sometimes gifts miss the mark, but the real point of them is that the giver was trying to do something nice.

[EmmaMary]

I certainly wouldn't bother the next time... That's if there is a "next time".

[Asker]

The next gift will be a card only, if there is a next one. I’m really shocked he acted that way

[EmmaMary]

Personally I would be seriously considering my options extremely carefully.

[Asker]

What would you do personally?

[EmmaMary]

I would tell him in no uncertain words just how very upset and disappointed I am in both his manners and attitude.

I would also try and get it into his thick skull, just how much time, effort and research I did in purchasing this gift, only to receive such an unwarranted, negative and extremely upsetting response.

And finally I would be enlightening him that I'm now completely re-evaluating our so - called friendship, with a serious view of completely ending it.

[Asker]

That is more or less how I feel but I was wondering if I was just taking things too personally. I appreciate your help

[EmmaMary]

You're most very welcome indeed.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[msc545]

Lose him. He has horrible manners.