He says he loves me and also says he busy, is he really busy or is it an excuse?

[Anonymous]

So iam dating a guy from another country for 7 months now. We are doing long distance. He is 2 years older than me, is in uni now. We talk through text. Before He talks to me when he gets free time from his studies, but now he barely text me or reply my messages. Its been more than 5 days now that he text me. Before that he told me that he will be busy due to his assignments and projects, but it was 1month ago. I have this feeling that he is ignoring me and avoiding me. And he has never call me, like we both exchange number but he says that untill we meet in real life no phone calls , video calls no thing. he also. says we have to keep private our relationships irl but can be public in internet. He doesn't even wanna talk in whats app, says he is not comfortable so iam not forcing him to. when I asked him one day if he loves me in real., he said that I can't believe u are questioning me, haven't i made time for u in my break ti me?, here iam loaded with lots of assignments and projects and u are contributing to my fatigue now, u have to be patient with me , u know I dont text anyone during this time. So I understand and didn't bother him after that. So my questions are -

1) why he doesn't wanna ft or call me?( I ask him but he only says that he doesn't wanna , so I didn't bother him)

2) does he really love me or he is just doing it for fun?

3) is he really busy or its just an excuse?

4) what does he mean about private of relationship? .

Pls tell me , thank u 😄✨

Updates

9 mo

Whenever I talk about our future together he says we shouldn't think about our future coz we dont know what will happen but we have to be for a long time okk? when I ask him about his family coz I wanna know them, he says dont ask me again and again , u will meet them once u are here. so I didn't bother to ask more. And mainly he never ask ke any question about me I feel like he is not interested.

[Anonymous]

Trust your heart. ﾠ

[Oliverlogan263]

There are a few things to consider here:

1) Some people just don't like talking on the phone, so that alone doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you. However, not being willing to video call or at least voice call after 7 months is a bit concerning.

2) It's possible he really is just busy with school, but the lack of communication for over a week suggests he may be losing interest or pulling away.

3) The limited communication and unwillingness to share your relationship publicly could indicate he's hiding something or not as committed as you hope. Some red flags here.

4) Him getting defensive and accusing you of "contributing to his fatigue" when you simply questioned if he loves you is not a loving response. A caring partner would try to reassure you in a kinder way.

5) His request to keep the relationship private in real life seems odd, especially after 7 months. Most couples want to share their joy with friends and family at this stage. His reluctance could be a sign he's not that serious.

In summary, while he may genuinely care for you to some degree, several aspects of his behavior suggest he's probably not as invested or committed as you deserve after 7 months. His excuses for limited communication and reluctance to truly connect also don't bode well.

I'd recommend having an honest conversation with him to get clarity on his intentions and feelings. Pay attention to his responses. If he can't provide reassurance and a willingness to meet your reasonable needs, you may want to consider moving on to find someone who wants to fully connect with you. You deserve a partner who's eager to share and celebrate your relationship.

[Asker]

Thank u so much for ur opinion and ur suggestions. It really helps me 😄✨✨. update on that when I talk about our future together, he says that we shouldn't talk about our future coz we dont know what will happen. but he says that we have to be for along okk? He is really messing with my mind.

[Asker]

*a long time

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome. Based on this additional information, it does seem like he's being evasive and avoidant when it comes to discussing your future together. Saying things like "we shouldn't talk about our future" and "we have to be together for a long time" without any clarity or commitment is misleading and unfair. Some key points:

• A healthy relationship requires open communication, even about difficult topics like the future. Brushing those discussions aside is a red flag.

• You deserve clarity on where the relationship is going and what your partner truly wants. Vague promises to "be together for a long time" are meaningless without follow-through.

• His reluctance to discuss concrete plans suggests he may lack intentions for a serious, long-term commitment. If he did, he would likely want to reassure you of that.

• Long distance relationships require extra effort, communication and trust to succeed. His lack of communication and avoidance doesn't bode well for a positive outcome.

• You shouldn't have to guess his true feelings or intentions. An emotionally mature partner would be open about what they want and need from the relationship.

• His behavior seems to indicate he enjoys the attention and companionship of the relationship for now, without a true desire for a future together.

Again, I'd recommend a direct but kind conversation where you express your need for clarity and honesty. Pay close attention to his response. Regardless of the outcome, remember that you deserve a partner who is willing to openly communicate and build a future together - not string you along with vagueness. Don't settle for less than what you need in a relationship. I hope this perspective provides clarity. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

Thank u so much for helping me, ur opinion are really very valid. U are really a kind person , thank u so much 😄✨✨. I just send him a message that we need to have a talk , I will let u know the updates later 😊✨✨.

[Oliverlogan263]

Okay thank you and you’re welcome

[Asker]

I send him text yesterday morning and till now he haven't reply me yet, but it was on seen.

[Asker]

So he had just texted me, he said this, I'm so stressed with my ongoing paper. and you're questioning me again about th is. love, you're not the only one I'm not interacting to. I'm not interacting as well with the others because of my ongoing paper to do. I already told you before that I'm the type of a person who won't interact with anyone else if I'm busy. if you don't understand that then sorry I'm already stressed with my paperwork as it is, and this is what I read when I go online. And i said sorry and he said that don't be sorry if you're gonna act this again next
time again. my brain's tired right now. and I was in the mood to have fun for a bit, but now, I've already lost that good.
Now iam feeling guilty and sad, I dont know why 🤧🤧🤧.

[Oliverlogan263]

His response was dismissive and invalidating of your feelings. A caring partner would respond with more empathy and understanding, even if busy. Some things to note:

1. His immediate reaction was to accuse you of "questioning me again" and blame you for adding to his stress, rather than trying to understand your perspective.

2. He failed to acknowledge or validate your feelings of confusion and hurt. Simply dismissing them as you "acting this again" is hurtful and uncaring.

3. Threatening that you've made him "lose the mood to have fun" puts the responsibility on you for his emotions, rather than him taking ownership.

4. Saying his "brain's tired" comes across as an excuse to avoid a difficult conversation, rather than a true explanation of his feelings.

In summary, his response shows a lack of care, consideration and communication skills needed in a healthy relationship. Feeling guilty after being treated that way is natural, but misplaced - the responsibility lies with him to communicate better and meet your emotional needs.

My advice is to consider this a red flag and reevaluate whether this relationship is right for you. You deserve a partner who makes time to understand and validate your feelings, especially when you're vulnerable enough to bring up concerns. His response here indicates that may not be possible with him.

Take some time and space to process your emotions. Try not to blame yourself - his behavior is a reflection on him, not you. Then decide if you want to have another conversation when he's less busy, or if this indicates it's time to move on. I hope this perspective helps!

[Asker]

Thank u so much for ur help 😄❤️✨✨

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome

[Willlovewinintheend]

I am not inside the guys head so I don't know.

[Asker]

Its okk thank u so much 😊✨✨

[Iron_Man]

You guys are gonna have to work that out

[Asker]

Yeah we will try but let him reply me first 😄✨

[In_Trance]

This is exactly why long distance doesn't work

[Asker]

True

[Anonymous]

Sounds like an excuse to me.

[Asker]

I feel the same too