Why does a guy talk bad on the girl he's cheating with. on his wife?

[Bkpollard9]

My husband cheated on me with one woman at his work, but when i asked questions about the friendly relationship, he says how gross she is etc... why?

Updates

+1 y

To add to what I wrote, I have 2 children with this person who actually adore him. This incident happened 10 years ago over a 10 month period, I had just had my 2nd child. I almost died during child birth! After the birth, the next 10 months of my life was he'll how my husband treated me and he cheated on me. Part of him cutting the girl down he cheated on me with, he was coming home with scratches on his back 4 fingers worth on 1 side and 4 fingers worth on the other side. Women's hair etc.

Updates

+1 y

I wasn't even healed yet fro my emergency c section and blood transfusion. 😪 why do spouses act like this. This all took place 10 years ago, during a 10 month period. And we still fight about it...

[Oliverlogan263]

There are a few possible reasons a man might talk badly about a woman he's cheating with:

1. To minimize or downplay the affair. By saying she's "gross" or unattractive, he's trying to make the cheating seem less meaningful or serious. It's a way to justify his actions to himself and others.

2. To protect his ego. If he admits she's attractive or desirable, that challenges his own self-image as a faithful partner. Putting her down allows him to rationalize the affair without threatening his ego.

3. To prevent jealousy from his partner. By insisting the other woman is "gross," he's trying to alleviate any feelings of threat or comparison from his partner. Even though his actions say otherwise.

4. To deflect blame. By criticizing the other woman, he's placing the fault solely on her rather than taking any responsibility for his own role in the cheating. She becomes the "villain" in his story.

5. Due to shame. He may feel deep shame for what he's done, so putting the other woman down is a misguided attempt to manage those feelings. But the real shame lies in betraying his partner's trust.

Ultimately, his affair and the way he talks about the other woman reveal critical flaws in his character - a lack of integrity, emotional maturity and empathy for your feelings. The best course of action is for him to own his mistakes, apologize genuinely and do the work to regain your trust, if you decide the relationship is worth salvaging. But the disparaging comments themselves are a poor excuse rather than a true explanation.

Hope this provides some helpful context and perspective. His behavior and disrespectful words say far more about him than they ever could about the other woman.

[_Maya_]

He is trying to make her seem less than you and not a big deal. He already messed up so he is trying to salvage what he can and make you think she was not worth it. Essentially he is lying to you again. After all he did cheat. Shouldn't be hard for him to lie. My question is why are you still with him? I get it is hard to make the decision to end the marriage but he cheated. He has done it once and will likely have no problem doing it again since you will take him back.

[Jazzy54]

No idea, but I’ve learned that when people talk bad to you about others, they’ve talked bad about you to those people. So, in other words, your husband probably talked bad about you to her.

[spartan55]

To not raise suspicion.

[WhitneySnow]

Because he doesn’t want you to be jealous

[Throwawaynowknow]

That's not uncommon for either gender to do that.

[Kelly6]

Afraid of divorce