Guys, How long does it take for men to be exclusive and why?

[cnj421]

[Anonymous]

That all depends on the guy and the woman.

The guy because some guys simply do not want to be exclusive. It's up to her to determine what kind of guy she's with. Same as the guy determine what kind of woman he's with. Some women are serial daters as well.

Assuming you are with a guy capable of exclusivity, next you have make him want exclusivity. Guys with options (as do women) do not just choose exclusivity unless something compelling them to. What can give him that no other woman can? What about you makes him only want to be with you? If you can't answer this then I think we found your problem.

[cnj421]

Ooo super interesting response. What do I have that makes him want exclusivity? I can answer that question confidently. I’m the total package and even he mentioned that to me before. I guess however what I feel makes me exclusivity material would need to align with his. Like wouldn’t that be different for every man? Or are there specific things each man looks for?

[Opinion Owner]

Well much like women all guys have the same tendencies, this I'm sure comes as no surprise to you. But yes different guys have different motivators. Some guys are drawn to confident women, some to clingy women, some to women who are just game for whatever. Myself? Trust is a big thing with me. When a woman is kind and engenders trust in me she can pretty much do whatever she wants and I'll go along with it. You kind of have to look at your guys personality and that'll tell best what he's looking for.

[cnj421]

That is so insightful. Thank you for sharing. I do think trust is huge. I know it is for me. This particular guy had gotten out of a really bad relationship and told me he didn’t want to jump into anything serious yet. He’s just had some really bad experiences and I think being able to trust that he’s with a good woman is crucial because he wants to get it right the next time. 🥹🥰

[Yannae]

A long time. I could speak of several months to a year. I want to know exactly who I am dealing with, because a relationship is a serious commitment and I want to make sure I commit to the right person.

[cnj421]

Cool. If you don’t mind me asking, do you see others during that time as well? What do you look for to decide to make it exclusive?

[Yannae]

No and possibly yes. I mean that if we are dating, I will not actively look for someone else. I don't want to keep looking for someone else if I haven't even scratched the surface with you. an acquaintance will give a very basic description of me, and a less authentic one than a close friend would. I want to find out your true value as a person and a partner and that's only going to show with time. That value can rise, that value can drop.
That said, while I won't actively look for someone else, there is always a chance that I will accidently run into someone else and we hit it off. But that's the only scenario where I would be seeing more than one person at a time.

[Woodchuck411]

It takes the same amount of time as it does for men as it does for women. Establishing a true solid base from the get-go is very important

[cnj421]

I agree. I’d love to hear what the process of establishing a solid base looks like for you. And how do you do that while dating multiplie people?

[Woodchuck411]

What do you mean by multiple people

[cnj421]

Well if you’re not exclusive, I assume that means you’re both still dating others as well.

[Woodchuck411]

Sometimes it takes time to settle into a solid relationship

[Woodchuck411]

Most people only date one person at a time. But there is a bunch of people that don't believe in that. That's more of an open relationship

[cnj421]

So I always assume that if you haven’t had an exclusivity conversation, you are both still seeing others. Which is why I posted my question. How long does it take men to be exclusive with someone. So I guess we are using the term “dating” differently. I’m referring more to the “talking” phase. Before you’re exclusive. So to rephrase, what does establishing a solid base look like as you’re talking to women and deciding who to be exclusive with.

[Woodchuck411]

Finding the best quality person that you have a lot in common with that could be loyal and faithful to you. People search the whole life trying to find that one solid person and unfortunately they're too picky or looking all the wrong areas for that person.

[Nifrayu]

It doesn't take any time at all. You just have to establish that the relationship is exclusive by agreeing upon it with each other. So however long it takes to have that conversation.

[cnj421]

Is it best to let the man pursue and bring it up?

[Nifrayu]

That depends. Is there a man you are interested in? If so I would suggest pursuing him and them maybe bring it up as early as you establish that you want to be his girlfriend. I think it's important to avoid being vague about these things.

[cnj421]

There is definitely someone I’m interested in. However I tend to be more anxious in relationships, and because of that, I want more sooner than I should. Before I really know them. So I’ve been letting him take the lead this time. It’s just hard to not be exclusive though when you have been hurt before. Even though I know I need to know more before I commit as well.

[Nifrayu]

I understand. But if it's important to you that you establish that you are exclusive, then I recommend that you have that conversation sooner rather than later.

[cnj421]

Thank you! I’m out of town for about three weeks. So maybe once I’m home. :)

[shortster]

As soon as we discuss it; I prefer sometime after the third date.

[cnj421]

Do you like to be the one to bring it up? What makes you decide you’d like to be exclusive?

[shortster]

Not particularly. If we get along and seem to have the same goals.

[cnj421]

Very simple. I love it. Thank you for sharing!

[shortster]

You're welcome

[bradley142]

i think in ever situation is/ would be different all depending on the woman if its someone i connect with and she's open about herself id say a month or so all depending though the type of person but all depends on how open a person is truly about themselfs

[LiamJHayden]

It depends upon how we get along, but generally it takes me at least five dates before I am sure I want to give it a try.

[DextroShade]

It varies, but generally the higher the man's value the more difficult it will be to secure his commitment. You can get commitment from a thirsty simp easily, but you probably don't want it. You should also be aware that even if a rich guy marries you it is very likely he will still exercise his options and have sex with other women; if you can't handle that then either get with an average guy or buy a dog and die alone.

[cnj421]

Haha what does being rich have to do with a man exercising his options even if you’re together? Are you suggesting that if I date a rich man I should be comfortable being cheating on or letting him do whatever the f*ck he wants?

I do agree that a higher value man could be more difficult to secure because he knows that and is confident in what he’s bringing to the table. He may not want to just give that to just anyone.

[DextroShade]

High-value men have the leverage because there are more of you than there are of him, meaning if you won't cooperate and get in his program he will kick you to the curb and replace you with a woman who will. Also if you want a certain guy it likely means other women will also want him.