What does it mean when a guy wants to start talking again?

[Anonymous]

We had mutual friends tell us about each other, and then we started messaging each other. We texted me every day, all day for weeks. We never ran out of things to say and could talk about anything like we'd known each other for far longer than we really had. One day while talking we started planning when we'd meet in person. I asked him what he was looking for and he explained that he honestly wasn't sure, but that he thought friends was a good start. He had recently got out of a bad relationship where he was hurt. I let anxiety get the best of me and assumed he wasn't interested. I pushed him away out of fear. We didn't talk for awhile, and finally I reached back out and apologized. We made small talk and then I asked if he'd be open to us talking again. He replied with "that's not a problem." How do I take this? Did I overreact?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I think, he understood you.

Maybe try telling him you’ve got an anxiety?

So, next time you do the same, he’ll know you don’t do it out of the lack of interest.

Good luck, I can have dating anxiety too and I dated 7-8 guys this year, just to get over this anxiety.

[Asker]

Thank you, I appreciate this. I do have anxiety, and especially towards dating. I was in an abusive situation, so dating has it's struggles now for sure. Unfortunately, I think I ruined this chance. It frustrates me that I let anxiety take control at times, but I also use that to fight harder to break free from it. This just hurts because he's a really good guy.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Has happened to me many times…

I know how it feels.

Have had lots of wonderful men interested in me and my anxiety made me back off to the point where things didn’t work out.

Well, better luck next time… Try to talk it out with someone you are interested in.

Maybe someone can actually try to understand.

My ex fiancé understood me and it opened up the window for me to have a very fulfilling and a happy relationship of 3.5 years.

[Asker]

He said it wasn't a problem to start talking again, but then he barely talked. My anxiety spiraled again, which presents itself as over-messaging in an attempt to fix things. I don't have bad intentions, and it upsets me when I do it. It was so easy between us and I'd never felt anything like it. It was seriously like we knew each other for years. We even found out we've technically met each other numerous times before, and his mom was even in my parents wedding. I feel like connections like that aren't supposed to end.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

No, no. Don’t over message…

[Asker]

I know..😞 In the midst of panic it feels like I need to message to explain myself and make things better. I feel like I can fix it, but I only end up self-sabotaging. I didn't mean to do that to him. I really wanted to get to know him.

[Anon120498]

I feel like his answer was pretty straight forward - he’s open to talking again. Just a piece of advice though, I wouldn’t recommend endlessly texting again. Building an emotional connection with someone you’ve only texted creates unrealistic expectations. When we’re texting we kind of have to guess the tone someone is speaking in, so we make it whatever we want it to be. We’ll make the person sound more confident, flirty, fun, whatever we want. When someone sends a text, they’re able to fully filter and think through every single thing they send, which isn’t how the real world works. If he’s open to talking you should suggest meeting up sooner than later.

[Asker]

Do you think him being honest and saying he wasn't exactly sure what he was looking for meant he had no interest? I just feel bad because I let anxiety take over and never gave things a chance. He'd literally text me from the time he woke up until he went to bed, even when he was out with the guys. He'd tell me good morning and wish me a good day, ask how my day was, we'd tease each other, it seriously felt like we'd known each other for years it was so easy. I miss it and I wish I'd done things different.

[BoopBoopBeep]

He said you could text he's not giving you bone marrow FFS. It doesn't cost anything. How are you possibly overthinking this? You were a child, you apologized, he accepted it. That's all it is. "That's not a problem" isn't some onion-style multilayered mancode for something. It means "that's not a problem." As it means in common parlance across multiple cultures all across the globe.

[Asker]

I guess I'm more or less asking if him initially saying he wasn't exactly sure what he was looking for was him not being interested, or did I overreact? And I'm just wondering if I ruined things, or if him being open to talk is a good sign?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Him being open to talk doesn't mean shite because I can talk to a dozen people at once though text WHILE watching a movie and it takes no effort on my part. It's a numbers game for him. He said he wasn't sure what he wanted and he wanted to start as friends. You can either be cool with that or you can say it's not for you. You're entitled to do either as you see fit for what it will take to make you happy. He may be interested. He may not be. He will certainly NEVER be interested if you're going to force multiple layers of meaning on everything though, because no guy enjoys that.

[Asker]

I understand that. I guess I'm just wondering if talking again is setting myself up to get hurt. I just worried that not knowing what he wanted meant he didn't want me and it confused me. So do I take him being open to talk again as a good sign or have I royally messed up?

[BoopBoopBeep]

You shouldn't be hurt because there shouldn't be any emotional investment in merely talking to someone. That's why, again, you don't take it as a good sign or a bad sign. It's a nothing sign. You asked what he was looking for, he told you. What are you leaving out? I'm missing something or you're deliberately talking in circles.

[Asker]

I'm not deliberately talking in circles, I'm genuinely asking for opinions. Saying he wasn't sure what he wants didn't tell me what he wants. That's why I'm confused. Is it a polite rejection?

[BoopBoopBeep]

So you don't understand what the words "I'm not sure" means? That seems odd since you appear to be otherwise fluent in the language. He didn't tell you what he wants because... check this out... he's not sure.

If you pee in a toilet filled with bleach does it clean twice as fast? Oh you're not sure? Means the same thing for him.

[Asker]

I'm not sure why you're being so rude and aggressive, I've already said I'm just looking for advice and have some anxiety. There's no need to cuss at and belittle me, or for the superiority complex. I simply asked if him being unsure and saying friends is a good start was likely to mean disinterest. I'm not a male, and I don't understand why so many males lack common courtesy, respect, and basic communication etiquette.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'm not being rude. I've answered your question. Then because it didn't fit the narrative you wanted you rephrased it 4 or 5 times to try to get the answer you wanted to hear, which, no sorry "it still didn't mean anything." You're not trying to understand you're trying to have your desired interpretation validated.

[Asker]

I'm really not, and I do not appreciate your accusations and verbally attacking responses. You answered and I tried asking for clarification because your answers contradicted themselves. I'm not twisting anything or deliberately talking in circles or anything else you're accusing me of. Please just stop.

[BoopBoopBeep]

My bad. Where did my answers contradict themselves, and I'll set the record straight.

[Asker]

I've already answered this, and I've asked you twice now to please stop. You've cussed me out and degraded me repetitively. You could've kindly explained your thoughts on this, or not responded all together.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You're just making stuff up now. I never cussed you out snowflake.

[Asker]

Even your last comment was disrespectful. I've tried calmly explaining the advice I'm looking for multiple times. You keep resorting to name calling, cussing, and false accusations. I've made nothing up, I've only been honest. You on the hand have been downright rude in every reply. Kindness isn't difficult, you should give it a try.

[BoopBoopBeep]

No my rudeness looks much different. I still never cussed you out. That's what you're making up.

[Asker]

See your initial post. And I didn't say you cussed me out, I said cussed at me. Haven't made a single thing up, just wondering why you're aggressively trolling. (See: every single comment you've left so far.) Again, maybe try kindness for a change.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Are you the queen? Your delicate sensibilities greatly offended because someone used the abbreviation for a cuss word in your presence? So I suppose you never listen to the radio/watch tv/go to a movie either then? Or you whine to the producers that they cussed at you. This isn't aggressive snowflake, this is just not pandering to you like apparently too many people already have.

[Asker]

Every post you've left on this thread so far has been insulting and rude. I've asked you to stop commenting multiple times, yet you continue like a true chauvinist. You could've just not commented at all if you had zero advice, but you chose to mansplain instead. Clearly it makes you feel empowered to verbally attack strangers on the internet, however; it also screams manchild. Take your egotistical, narcissistic, chauvinistic mentality elsewhere.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Lady I don't answer to you. Life's going to have a whole lot of things you ask it to do that it just laughs and shoots you a middle finger. If I wanted to be insulting I'd have much longer posts here. You don't even know what mansplaining is you are just parroting it because you heard someone else say it. Misogyny! Squawk! Misogyny! Snowflake want a cracker! Squawk!

Oh and I had advice. It was stop trying to see 50 f'ing layers of hidden meaning in shite, you bloody donkey.

See, NOW I cussed at you. See how that looks different.

Basic.

[Asker]

I know exactly what it means, and anyone who doesn't would understand it after interacting with you. You're 46, this is just sad. I'm getting the vibe of a manchild who still lives in his mom's basement, bitter, incapable of love, wonders why women aren't breaking down his door and bowing down to him. Your behavior and mentality is disgusting. ✌️

[BoopBoopBeep]

Lady I've own three homes, two outright and have a 6-figure job. I get plenty of female attention from real women, not needy little balls of anxiety like you who think they fart roses.

[Asker]

Words of a tried and true egomaniac. Thanks for proving my point. 😊

[BoopBoopBeep]

Basic.

[Asker]

You're right, you are. Stereotypical misogynist. 🥱

[BoopBoopBeep]

I don't hate women, which is what that word means. I think you, this one particular woman, are pathetic. You, despite your beliefs, my queen, are not all women. There are several women in my life on various levels who I care about deeply. That must mean I'm quite shite when it comes to hating women. That I won't pander to YOU is not relevant to what's between your legs. You'd make a pathetic man too.

[Asker]

Clearly I've hit a misogynistic, narcissistic nerve. You've got a serious God-complex. You're sitting here behind a screen verbally attacking a complete stranger. At this point it's slander. No means no, stop means stop. But the rules don't apply to you, right? Pathetic is belittling others to stimulate and inflate your own fragile ego. You thrive off of projecting your insecurities and toxic masculinity onto others. And you can't say what kind of man I'D make because anyone with your behavior is most certainly not a man. You've done a fine job repeatedly proving that in this thread. And the only thing basic is your IQ. Good day.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Obviously you also don't know what "slander" means either.

[Asker]

Making false and/or damaging statements about a person. Which you continue to do. You sure you make 6 figures, because it appears you have nothing but time on your hands. Yet another lie, surprise. Be gone, misogynistic human. You've been reported for multiple counts of harassment.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Again, narcissist (persecution subtype): you are not my queen.

What damage have you suffered? Not having your echo chamber satisfied?

Basic.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Also I never said I was working today. Try to follow. I do actually have nothing but time on my hands today, yes. Be gone delusional misandrist you have been reported for multiple counts of harassment.

[Asker]

Expand your vocabulary. I see no one taught you the definition of stop or no. This is blatant harassment. Get off of my page and take your toxicity with you. I can't see your point of view because I can't stick my head that far up my as**. Leave me alone already.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You could have blocked me a long time ago if you are so troubled snowflake.

So what you're saying is... you want to make out? I'm flattered, really, but... I mean... the distance between us? How ever would it work out?

We'll always have Paris.

[Asker]

You're only embarrassing yourself. I get it now, when you said you make six figures you meant Legos, and those three houses don't count when they're your parents. Basic. Now leave me the hell alone.

[BoopBoopBeep]

The legos aren't going to make themselves now are they? Actually I paid for my parent's home. It's made of legos.

Incidentally, how many figures are in a normal lego?

[Asker]

Much like Legos, you're blocked.

[spartan55]

He's giving you a second chance, don't blow it this time.

[Asker]

I just got scared of the "friends is a good start" comment. When he was explaining this he told me that in the past when he wasn't sure, it caused some friendships to end, and he didn't want that to be the case with us. What does that mean?

[spartan55]

It means he wants to get to know you.

[Asker]

He had also liked me on a dating app prior to us talking. I don't get why you'd do all that and then say friends is a good start.

[spartan55]

Do all what?

[Asker]

Show that much interest in talking and getting to know me, and liking me on a dating app. Saying friends is a good start seems odd after that.

[spartan55]

Are you interested in the guy or not?

[Asker]

I am, but I think I blew it.