Is it normal my boyfriend gets hostile in arguments?

[Anonymous]

It goes like we have a fight about something and I try to calmly explain my side or fix things , I don’t really get angry I’m fairly easygoing. He then gets super angry and calls me stupid, says he feels like he’s dating a kid, retarded, I can’t comprehend or grasp anything and says that I push him to almost break up with me so many times. If I say it hurts my feelings he says I need to learn and it’s the truth.

[_Maya_]

Well that isn't a real good relationship now is it? Doesn't sound like he is able to have a reasonable conversation without hurling insults. Honestly that would be enough for me to tell him to take a hike. I would not put up with someone belittling me because I don't agree with them. You really need to think as to whether you can put up with this. I doubt very much it is going to change and he is just going to continue to do it. Also if you are having fights all the time how good can the relationship be?

[dynamicyandere]

That sounds like straight up emotional abuse.


Sure, it’s one thing to tell you the truth.


It’s another thing to layer that with insults, disrespect, and words that destroy your self-esteem.


So no, it’s not normal. He has serious issues with his impulse control. It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to be abusive.

[DryGermanGuy]

He sounds like quite a dumbass with an obvious self-control problem. Are alcohol and/or drugs a factor here?

[Asker]

Nope not at all

[boggboss]

So u have a abusive partner wouldn't say its nomral but for gag it ain't strange many of u guys pick up shitty partners and hope they change

[Asker]

He wasn’t like this at the start it’s only been the last year

[HollyK21]

@asker I’m sorry but the way you so casually said it’s only been the last year as if it’s been a few days or even a week is wild lol time to get out of that.

[boggboss]

So u have stayed with a abusive partner for a year clearly its normal for him

[boggboss]

Ikr I have my partner abuse me but its only been a yeat

[Asker]

Because I’m usually in the wrong during fights so feel like it’s warranted or deserved I guess

[HollyK21]

Well, I don't know what’s putting you in the wrong during fights but ultimately your relationship is not getting better and for him to be calling you retarded and all that shows a lack of respect and dissatisfaction. It’s no longer a loving, positive relationship and you should want more for yourself than being verbally abused like that.

[jahaims]

He is immature in this way because he had poor examples of communication plus probably undealt with trauma manifesting during fights. If he is receptive to understanding this he can change.

[ProbablyClueless]

What you just described is absolutely NOT normal in relationships at all.

[Anonymous]

That's one side of the story

[Asker]

Well what else do you want to know

[Asker]

I don’t act angrily towards him or call him names I’ve never once said anything like that to him

[Asker]

I don’t shout or raise my voice , I’m actually sensitive so I get upset rather than angry