What does he mean and wanted me to say to this?

[Anonymous]

This guy I was hitting it off with through a dating app told me he can’t wait to meet me, he also hope he’s not slowing me down with other dates and to please save one for him since he’s away on a trip for a couple weeks.

[DaveJord]

So honestly, if you have been online for more than a day... then you got to that other guys or girls are showing an interest in you. I never assume when I link up with a woman online that I am the only guy she is talking to.

This guy sounds like he is acknowledging something you did not expect or want him to acknowledge. Comes off as if he is saying it's okay to talk to other people but save a date for him later. Which is just weird honestly.

I mean maybe he is insecure about it, maybe he is putting you on the back burner.

[Asker]

He has been continuing to tell me he can’t wait to meet me since he has to go on a trip and I couldn’t make our first date due to other priorities. I felt like maybe he was insecure? Because… I told him honestly he was very sweet and considerate, I am excited to meet him as well once we decide on a date and plan, how I do go on a lot of dates but I haven’t met my person yet and still looking for them…. I asked how about him. And his effort changed after I wrote it and we had a few exchanges after that was dry and he left me with a thumbs up reaction.

All he wrote to my message was “of course and no I haven’t had any time” that was all. Did I messed up? What would he had wanted me to say?

[DaveJord]

Well honesty is the best policy. You told him the truth. I cannot say you did anything wrong. But let me tell you this from my experience with women, the truth sometimes is best kept to yourself. Very selfdom if a woman knows it or not, volunteering the truth can become a disadvantage... but not volunteering the truth is no excuse to lie. So, you did nothing wrong.

I mean for woman I met online; I would think she was lying to say anything different. So, you did the right thing.

But if he is that busy, then yeah save the date for him when he gets back. I would say to him;

"I have still have not found my Mr. Right. So, I hope you do follow you with me when you are less busy. But until that time comes, I am not waiting around. But hopefully you understand that and follow up with me when you have time."

A response like that is more than most women would give a guy. If he cannot handle that, then he is insecure or immature... but by saying it you can judge his response. Then you will know what you wanted to know about him.

[Asker]

Thanks for your advice. But given what I told him and how he responded short…. And then gave less effort. What does that mean on his part? He is insecure? Or he lost interest but if so why?

[Asker]

Well not just less effort. He just stopped replying as a whole now after a few exchange messages after what I told him.

[DaveJord]

Oh, yeah if he is doing that then... then I would stop. He is already showing you who he is. I hate to say for sure, because I cannot. I honestly do not know. But if it's worth that much to you, I would go the way I said to go, and see if he responses to that. IF he doesn't then who fucking cares, at least you can say you put forth effort. Some will tell you he is not worth that much of an effort... but I shy away from advice like that myself. Unless you seriously do not care about the guy, then yeah fuck it.

At end of the day, what it all means or why he is doing that... does not really matter. You need to ask the smarter questions of yourself. Which is, is this the type of person I would want to get involved with. He is so busy; he doesn't have time to date or respond to texts.

Why should you have to figure out anything other than how it makes you feel. But if you want to really give him one last chance... then I stand by more original response. See what he comes back with, then ask him why he is being nonresponsive.

I mean there are just times, things happen with woman, and it puts you in a place. I always try to step back and not make any assumptions... but I am 47 years old, and at some point, regardless of if I am not making any good or bad assumptions, I have to make a choice. And when I feel like I need to make a choice, its usually what I think is best for me and my own mental health.

I will assume that the very fact he is doing this is making you feel something, and those feelings are putting in a place you do not like. So what's the expectations here that he will improve with time? Only one way to find out or not care.

[Asker]

Thanks for being so kind and supportive! So yeah he was weird he was short, less effort, and even left my last message with a thumbs up reaction…. But speak of the devil after I sent my message that he stopped replying… he finally message me back saying he hopes I have a good day.

The thing is he wasss always very quick to respond to me and make sure I feel wanted… UNTIL he made that comment about other guys and like I told you.. I already sent him what I wrote about how I do go on dates and I haven’t met the right person yet. That’s when his behavior and effort change. So I’m not going to tell him again having a date and other men unless he brings it up again.

You’re right, I did thought about it makes me feel. It sucked. But I do wanna know what this meant in his part because I truly wanna understand what he may be perceiving after my last comment to his message with seeing others and not finding my person yet with his change of behavior? Please do let me know if you think you know why his behavior changed after it?

[DaveJord]

Bottom line, your response is not what he wanted to hear. if you already did what you said then yeah... I really do not know exactly. All I can say that when it reaches that point or you get to point were your wasting more metal energy on this then you should... it can become unhealthy. At that point, the why doesn't really matter. Do what's is in your own best interest, and sometimes not knowing is easier than knowing.

Most of use never really find out, and after a day or two we quit caring. We are just glad to be done with it.

[Asker]

Thank you, what would he had wanted me to say instead?

[DaveJord]

You cannot get into that game. Seriously if you think like that then you are only thinking about telling him what he wants to hear, and not what he needs to hear.

This guy cannot be worth that much to you. Seriously.

[Asker]

I never said I would but I am just trying to understand that’s all what he would had wanted me to say? I’m just very confuse sir….. 🙄 but if you don’t wanna answer my questions is fine

[DaveJord]

I did answer your question, but its you have to accept that there is no one or straight answers... and we all never really find any.

[ThrillSeeker01]

That's kind of crappy

[Asker]

What do you mean

[ThrillSeeker01]

Well mentioning that you're going on other dates. But on second thought, I can see that he was just behind polite. I kinda misunderstood

[Asker]

What do you think he wanted me to say? Cuz I told him I do go on a lot of dates but haven’t found and still looking for the right person.. I mentioned I’m existed to meet him once we make plans and a date but his behavior and effort changed after this…

[ThrillSeeker01]

Honestly I think it went fine. I don't see why his behavior changed when you expressed interest. Changed in what way?

[Asker]

Like he kept it really short.. all he said was “of course “ qnd how he had no time to date cuz I asked what about him too. His texts changed, he wasn’t very quick and attentive anymore. It was dry and he took longer to reply than normal. After a few exchange of messages after what I said.. he left one of my msgs with a thumbs up reaction… and then took a few hours later to message me again saying he hopes I have a good day. But usually he’s very attentive, quick to reply, flirty, and engaging.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Yeah, that does sound kind of not enthusiastic. Maybe give him a little bit of time and see if he changes, but if he doesn't change you might want to move on.

I just say that because, as a guy, if I like a girl I can't stop texting her and trying to get to know her better.

[Asker]

Right so what would he wanted me to say instead since he didn’t seem to like my response

[ThrillSeeker01]

Honestly I think you were fine. I don't think you made any mistakes. And if he's upset because he was expecting you to say something, that's kind of immature of him. It shouldn't change his attitude

[Asker]

Thanks for being validating me… yeah I’m just kinda worried that he wanted me to say he was the only guy and I would just be waiting only for him? Like I just wanted a better understanding of it… yeah it’s honestly disappointing his behavior changed and it made me feel like I messed up by telling I do go on a lot of dates

[ThrillSeeker01]

You're not missing much if he lost interest just because there was something you didn't say. I mean, really? That's really superficial. Only a really immature guy would get upset about something like that. If he's really that way, you're not missing anything.

[Asker]

Thanks for being awesome, you’re right 🥺❤️ I decided to reply but kept it in same energy of low… cuz I just feel like he doesn’t deserve my high energy when I’ve been so nice even when he was dry and short earlier… so yeah ima move on if he doesn’t change his behavior or attitude

[ThrillSeeker01]

Just sorry that you're treated this way. You're obviously kind and caring and you deserve better than to be treated that way. Like you're thinking about what he's feeling but he doesn't seem to be thinking about you? That's just so not cool. You deserve someone who is just as caring as you are 🙂

[Asker]

Awww wow your words really touched me… especially the last one thank you so much 😭❤️❤️❤️ I don’t know like you make me feel so seen like I’ve ever had before, you have a true gift. It truly makes me wonder if I’ve just been liking wrong men who doesn’t think about how they’re effecting my feelings….

[Asker]

All he did was give a heart reaction to my message, I know he’s working but it feels like I guess… this is it?

[ThrillSeeker01]

Just being honest. A kind, caring woman trusting me in chatting about her personal feelings... makes me feel trusted. So I appreciate you sharing 🙂

[Asker]

Aw you’re so sweet… is it okay I follow you? 🙊

[ThrillSeeker01]

Of course 🙂

[Asker]

Hehe you’re so pawsome☺️

[ThrillSeeker01]

No you're just sweet 😊

[Asker]

Hehe thank you, but I’m just being honest 🤭

[ThrillSeeker01]

You're so warm. How can I not be kind/appreciate someone so sweet? It's really nice to chat with you/share 🤗

[Asker]

Hehe aww making me blush… DM me 🤭

[ThrillSeeker01]

Thanks for the MHO.