I'm jealous of my guy friends?

[Anonymous]

Even if we are just friends, I get extremely jealous when they make friends with other girls and spend time with them. This feeling doesn't seem normal to me, how can I get rid of it?

[JacobJordan]

Then date one of them. Good on them for not waiting around for you so you can string them along

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you want to be more than friends, otherwise you wouldn’t be worried about another woman coming in and taking his attention..

[Asker]

But I feel it with other guy friends tho, since I can't like them all or what to be more than friends , what's reason, i don't really understand

[Opinion Owner]

Are you like that with female friends?

[Asker]

If a female friend of mine starts to become close friends with another girl, , like constantly sharing stories with her yes I feel jealous

But this shitty feelings mostly happen with my guy friends I don't know why I feel so bad about that

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe you have abandonment issues dude… like we’re both your parents active in your life all the way to adulthood? What about having lost contact or cut ties with a close friend or guy?

[Opinion Owner]

*were both your parents

[Asker]

By being active , wdym, i did not understand

[Asker]

Maybe because I was bullied so much in the past and people abandoned me🥲

[Opinion Owner]

Basically, have you had important people abandon or disappoint you? By active, I mean were both of your parents around?

[Asker]

Yes, in my school life, I was bullied on a massive scale in high school and it continued until I finished high school, I mean having no friends and being completely alone, I'm talking about people lying about me and leaving me alone. Because my parents work too much, I see them less, it's been like this since I was little.

And at that bullying time, i just had online friends
and I got attached to them, I always started to be jealous the friends I met after the bullying shit, especially the boys

[Asker]

If we're talking about abondenment my boyfriend cheated on me and left me on the day my mother had a heart attack, saying this, yes

[Opinion Owner]

I’m no professional but I think that’s a big chunk of your answer — because of how you’ve been abandoned and disappointed in the past, you fear that happening again. I also think a bit of jealousy plays a role as well, because even though you feel this way towards all your guy friends (it’s not exclusive to one), you’ve also gotten a certain amount of attention from them that you probably wouldn’t get anymore if they got into relationships or even other friendships. All I can say is that this is a matter of unlearning negative tendencies and creating solutions. Maybe that means asking to hang out with him and the new friends, or even making other friends so you aren’t this deeply invested into one person. Consider therapy to help sort through your traumas as well.

[KrakenAttackin]

You can get rid of it by realizing men and women can't just "be friends".

[Asker]

So if u are talking to a woman she is always a potential girlfriend?

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker.. define "talking". Most of the time I speak with a woman it's during a professional interaction. I would only make further conversation if I had greater interest in her. I have no use for "female friends".

[Asker]

Oh I understand

[Sonorous]

I'm still figuring this one out myself 🤣

[Asker]

It's a terrible feeling, I've been friends with a boy for about 3 years

I get very jealous when this boy makes friends with other girls, And I feel this way with all the guys I'm friends with

So bad 😩😩😩so insecure

[Sonorous]

Ngl I do hate the feeling too. 🤣 But I don't think jealousy is all a bad thing. I think it's only bad when it's not useful towards a genuinely constructive rational goal. So, I don't think our main focus shouldn't be to completely get rid of the feeling, but rather, to attempt to alter the severity it so that it can remain in a healthy range & not produce too much stress.

So, maybe the best way to progress would be to calm ourselves down by communicating the emotion to the other person so that they know, while also doing introspective work on our own.

The pros of communicating it is that, if they want, they could provide more clarification that will help to ease the feeling or they may console us in other ways.

And as for introspection, it might really help to ask ourselves certain questions that might highlight what's best for the other people involved. The goal of that is just to promote any kind of thinking that isn't as self-focused. Something that's more considerate of what the other people might be thinking. Other important questions we might need to ask ourselves are questions that might call into question the importance of the persons involvement with us. In some instances, certain people just aren't worth being jealous over. So it may ease the jealousy if we reduce their importance to us in the specific way we're viewing them in.